Daily Dose - 020410 - grandfatherly advice, Rotten News, baseball cap, DDL, Hey Martha

My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for me it is a time to reminisce.

The long walks we used to take. The long drives. The special trips he would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him -- and the advice he used to give! much was wasted because I was young when he died. If he were alive today and sharing his gems of wisdom, I'd be a better man.

Those gems were well and good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandfatherly advice, came when he paused, looked me in the eye and said, "Don't marry a woman with big hands. It makes your dick look smaller."

____________________________

Rotten News.... (true)

Blaze destroys hot-sauce plant

Bottles explode amid flames; arson suspected

LAKE PROVIDENCE, Louisiana (AP) -- Bottles of hot sauce exploded amid the flames as a three-alarm fire destroyed much of the Panola Pepper plant.

The state Fire Marshall's office was investigating, but company president Grady Brown said Sunday that it appeared to have been arson.

"The door was broken in and filing cabinets were left open," Brown said. "I don't think they were trying to steal hot sauce."

Panola makes hot sauces and Worcestershire sauce, and bottles olives, jalapeno peppers and other products.

"Bottles were exploding, but not too bad," said Lloyd Chapman, chief of the East Carroll Parish Fire Department. "The worst problem was in the storage area, the cases of labels and bottle caps. That burning plastic is hard to put out."

The blaze was reported just before midnight Friday in Lake Providence, in Louisiana's northeast corner. Brown said it would take at least three months to rebuild and resume production.

It was the third fire for the 19-year-old company. A 1999 warehouse fire caused nearly $200,000 in damage. A 1986 fire destroyed the factory.

Brown started the business in 1983 with his mother's hot sauce recipe, according to the company's Web site.

**********

Computerized Bra Gets FDA Approval

Bra Pulls Out Tissue To Increase Breast Size

UPDATED: 11:29 a.m. EST December 28, 2001

CLEVELAND -- Women interested in increasing their breast size may finally have an alternative to pills, creams or surgery. None has been clinically proven -- until now.

The Food and Drug Administration gave its stamp of approval to a non-surgical system called the "Brava Bra."

The bra works with a vacuum system, pulling out the tissue to increase the breast size. Two hard plastic cups are linked by tubes to a computer pack, and are pulled together with a mesh sports bra.

But the user must have patience. A woman would have to wear the bra 10 consecutive hours a day for 10 consecutive days.

She also can track her progress on the Internet.

"It has a modem to the charger and this data goes back to a central office and then the lady can go on the computer and monitor her progress and see how she's doing," cosmetic surgeon Bruce White said.

The Brava Bra was designed for small-chested women. Its maker said the average increase is one-cup size.

The cost is $2,500. That's about half the cost of breast augmentation surgery.

**********

White House Watch: THC madness

The drug war blunders on: The DEA is cracking down on hempseed oil in tortilla chips

Sunday, December 09, 2001

WASHINGTON - And now, for something completely different, to borrow a phrase from Monty Python.

The three earnest young men burdened with plastic bags came to the office bearing food. Pretzels with seeds. A snack bar. An energy bar. Tortilla chips.

Never mind the caloric sin. We're talking serious evil here.

Or so the government says.

Unless you are an avid reader of the Federal Register and perused the tiny print of almost undecipherable bureaucratese on pages 51,539 through 51,544, you might have missed it -- but the government has returned to normal.

The Drug Enforcement Administration, under the direction of Asa Hutchinson, the former GOP congressman from Arkansas, has announced rules to ban certain brands of a wide variety of foods -- "beer, cheese, coffee, corn chips, energy drink, flour, ice cream, snack bars, salad oil, soda and veggie burgers" -- if they contain trace amounts of THC.

THC, as those who came to the age of majority in the 1960s know well, is tetrahydrocannabinols. As DEA succinctly explains: "That's the hallucinogenic substance in marijuana that causes the psychoactive effect or high."

The THC found in certain brands of the above-mentioned food comes from hempseeds and hempseed oil, popular with some so-called "natural food" manufacturers because they are high in protein and serve as a fatty acid supplement -- "good fats" that doctors like. But DEA says such foods are now controlled substances illegal for everyone.

Makers of foods with hempseeds or oil, with $5 million in annual sales, argue that the amount of THC is so infinitesimal that inhumanly high consumption of them would be required to get high. They liken it to getting a buzz from eating the opiate-containing poppy seeds on bagels or the alcohol in orange juice.

But the Controlled Substances Act says that any consumption of THC is forbidden. And any food that contains it is no longer to be sold, distributed or eaten.

Says the DEA: "If you wish to err on the side of caution, you may freely dispose of the product. As stated in the rules that DEA published on Oct. 9, 2001, anyone who has purchased a food or beverage product that contains THC has 120 days (until Feb. 6, 2002) to dispose of the product without penalty under federal law."

After Feb. 6, it will be illegal to sell or import any hemp-containing foods.

The DEA, in its wisdom, notes that bird seed with cannabis seeds, clothing such as hats, shirt and shoes, cosmetics, lotion, paper, rope, twine and, yes, shampoo and soap, which also can contain hemp, are not illegal. "Based on the information currently available, DEA believes that [such products] do not cause THC to enter the human body and are therefore legal."

Confronted with the thought that the government's investing time, money and energy in such a campaign during a time of war is, possibly, ridiculous, Hutchinson says, "Many Americans do not know that hemp and marijuana are both parts of the same plant and that hemp cannot be produced without producing marijuana."

Not surprisingly, supporters of food with hempseed oil have gone to court, beseeching the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals to block the DEA rule. DEA says it is permitted to issue the ban on THC-laced products without a formal rule-making procedure although the public may comment until Dec. 10. "It's like the judge announcing the verdict before the trial," complained John Young, a lawyer for the hemp-food lawsuit, to the National Law Journal.

Groups which are applauding the DEA's action, such as the conservative Family Research Council, say food with hempseeds sends a pro-drug message to children and is camouflage for a campaign to legalize marijuana.

The other day, confronted by a man in Florida who said the government was not responding to his needs, President Bush muttered, "I can't stand bureaucracy."

Bush remembered the cameras were rolling and said that he appreciated "the hard-working people who care enough to work for the government. But what I don't like is systems that get so cumbersome that those who are trying to help you don't get the product out."

In the course of writing this, I have munched on the 120-calorie corn chips, the 220-calorie pretzels and devoured the 170-calorie snack bar. In truth, I feel nothing but my waistband.

And a curious desire to watch "Monty Python's Flying Circus."

__________________________

An athletic young man, who always kept his baseball cap on, was heading for the steam room at a local fitness club when he chanced to see someone walking out with his clothes.

With only his hat for cover, he took off after the thief. As he hastened out the door of the locker room, he bumped into two girls who looked at him and burst into laughter.

"If you were ladies," he said testily, "you wouldn't laugh at a man in my circumstances."

"And if you were a gentleman," said one, "you'd raise your hat."

__________________________

DDL

The night started with hot sexual talk,
As they screwed they lost track of the clock.
Throughout the next day,
They continued to play,
Until neither were able to walk!

__________________________

Battle of Sexes shorts

Sure, a woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake a whole relationship.

________________________

A little bit of powder, a little bit of paint, makes a girl's complexion seem what it ain't

________________________

It begins when you sink into his arms and ends with your arms in the sink.

________________________

Hey Martha (true)

Monday, August 20, 2001

Like your chocolate cold?

Hershey bar returns to the United States after 60 years buried in South Pole

HERSHEY, Pa. (AP) -- A Hershey chocolate bar buried 60 years ago in 70 centimetres of South Pole ice by Admiral Richard Byrd's third expedition is headed back to the candy company for display.

And while chocolate that old probably isn't good to eat, it was only designed to taste just a little better than a boiled potato in the first place.

The Hershey Chocolate Corp. 1937 Field Ration Bar was buried by Byrd's team somewhere between 1939 to 1941. It was found by an explorer in January.

The bars were manufactured in June 1937 as a test for the military before production began on the Field Ration D Bar more familiar to veterans.

The army specified that the bar weigh approximately 110 grams and be melt-resistant and rich in energy. Above all, it should taste "just a little better than a boiled potato" so soldiers would not eat it frivolously.

In January, explorer Douglas Stoup discovered the bar while checking on a modern cache of food and supplies buried near the runway at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station. He gave it to the Hershey Museum when he returned to the United States.

Museum spokeswoman Amy Taber said it was possible that Byrd's expedition members buried the bar with other food items along the route while going out on a field trip, intending to dig it up on the return trip to the base.

"If it was not needed, it was not dug up," she said.

The 1937 Ration Bar, featured in an exhibit that includes information about Byrd's exploration, will remain on public view through Jan. 31.