Daily Dose - 020406 - S&M, BIZARRE NEWS, One guy, DDL, Hey Martha
Angela and Annabelle meet at their family reunion, and they haven't seen each other in years. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.
Annabelle says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"
Angela replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."
Annabelle is aghast. "Really, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Angela, "He Snores while I Masturbate."
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Animal Sex
The seahorse is the only creature where the male becomes pregnant. The female inserts a nipple-like appendage into the male and releases her eggs into his stomach. He then discharges his sperm over them, and once the eggs are fertilized, his belly takes on the rounded shape.
For the mouthbrooder catfish, which lives off Mozambique, fertilization takes place in the female's mouth. She releases her ova into the water and then turns round and swallows them. When the male swims by, she opens her mouth to swallow his sperm as well. The young fish remain in the mouth until they have absorbed their egg yolk.
Since the female bedbug has no sexual opening, the male drills his own vagina, using his curved, pointed penis as a drill. The male then inserts his sperm and the blood-sucking female feeds on some of it when blood is in short supply.
The female praying mantis eats her partner after sex. During copulation, the larger female hooks her deadly arms around him and begins nibbling away at him, but his sex drive is so strong that he can carry on even while being eaten.
The male swamp antechinus, a mouse-like marsupial from Australia, is the only mammal which dies after mating. The males dedicate their lives to a round of non-stop copulation until they literally drop dead. The majority die of starvation because they have no time to feed between sex.
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Pregnant Woman Impaled in Bizarre Accident
LONDON - A woman, late in her pregnancy, has survived being speared through the chest by a wooden stake which narrowly missed her heart and unborn child.
Astrid Oates, 20, was impaled on a fence post after the driver of the car she was traveling in swerved to avoid a fox. The car smashed through a wooden fence and one of the posts shattered and speared her through her right breast.
It took surgeons four hours to remove the spear of wood which was lodged close to major organs, but they told the 8-months pregnant woman her unborn child is fine and will probably be born naturally at full-term.
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10-Year-Old Gives Up TV; Parents Give Him $5,000
PHILADELPHIA, PA - On average, children watch about four hours of television a day, so when a ten-year-old boy dismissed the programs as "boring," his parents wanted to reward him. With $5,000.
When Cory Rundle's father returned from a business trip, he found it curious that his son was not watching television. At that point, Cory hadn't watched the tube for three weeks straight.
To encourage the behavior, his father promised him $5,000 if he could abstain from watching television for an entire year.
Except for family video nights and news coverage of the September 11 attacks, the boy hasn't watched any TV.
During the year, he learned how to play harmonica and read many books. He plans to buy a guitar with his new savings.
His proud parents wrote the following in his congratulations card: "You never let those who said it couldn't be done stand in your way while you did it."
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Thief Begs Judge for Surgery
MICHIGAN - Randy Griffin is accused of larceny for allegedly stealing a diamond in late December from the Jewelry Exchange in Roseville, Michigan.
His method of theft? Swallowing the jewel.
He has now asked Judge Joseph Boedeker to order the gem be surgically removed from his body. The diamond has shown up an X-ray of Griffin, so they aren't concerned with having to locate the evidence.
The judge is also reluctant to order the surgery without proof that the diamond would hurt Griffin if left inside of him.
He indicated that the surgery cost was a factor, too. "I will pay for it," Griffin offered. He continued to beg the judge, saying, "I'm scared. I really am."
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Um, He Looked Dead
LUCKNOW, India - Sukhlal Gautam's family removed his body from the morgue and were on the way to his funeral when they noticed that he wasn't actually dead.
After spending almost 10 hours in the morgue, Gautam was still breathing, and doctors are now investigating how he was originally pronounced dead.
The almost-deceased man was in the process of being treated for Tuberculosis when doctors presumed he had died. In fact, they gave his death certificate to the family, and "We were told to take the body for last rites," said his nephew.
Though the family is relieved, they are demanding answers from the hospital and don't understand how a mistake of this magnitude could have occurred.
In the meantime, Gautam remains in guarded condition.
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Granny Bank Robber on the Loose
DUESSELDORF, Germany - Police are on the hunt for a bank robber who has snagged $25,000 by waving a pistol at three bank tellers recently. Who is this fearless rogue? A pleasant, 70-year-old woman whom they are calling "Pistol Granny."
The woman has robbed three banks with her calm and relaxed M.O. A police spokesperson said, "She's very professional, she always appears calm and relaxed and she always targets female cashiers."
Security cameras illustrate that she likes to wear a disguise. The last one included sunglasses and a woolen hat. They have received over 50 tips from the public, but are interviewing suspects in a sensitive manner.
"It's not as if we're charging into old people's homes and lining up grandmothers for questioning."
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Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives
Virginia Chadwick wanted revenge on her estranged husband. So she hired a 12-year-old girl and a 14-year-old boy for 2 pounds each (about $5) to beat someone up so she could blame it on her husband.
So who was to be beaten up? Her!
And beat up she was. The plot almost worked, too. Her husband Paul, 31, was convicted of assault, fined and faced losing his job.
But the kids admitted the whole story about how Ms. Chadwick paid them to hit her in the face with (of all things) a can of beans.
She is charged with perjury.
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One guy...
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over ten.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you meant with one guy.
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DDL
An amoeba named Sam, and his brother,
Were having a drink with each other.
In the midst of their quaffing,
They split themselves laughing
And each of them now is a mother.
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"Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine."
-Robert C. Gallagher
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Mason-Dixon: The line that separates youse from y'all.
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"Life is cheap. It's the accessories that kill you."
-Unknown
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Hey Martha (true)
Tuesday, November 6, 2001
Convict takes 47-year jail term break
HARDWICK, Ga. (AP) -- It took J.C. Fuller 48 months to pay his debt to society for attempted murder -- not counting the 47-year break he took in between.
The 77-year-old Fuller, the longest-escaped inmate in Georgia history, was released Monday after serving his final 19 months of a four-year sentence for shooting at his common-law wife in 1952.
The Department of Corrections immediately turned him over to authorities from Thomas County -- where he escaped from prison -- on a fugitive warrant issued nearly 50 years ago.
Fuller says he never planned to escape. But six months before he was to be released early for good behavior, he was on work detail and ordered into a creek where prisoners were building a bridge.
Fuller said there were snakes in the creek, so he walked away and fled to Florida. For decades, he eluded Georgia authorities without really trying. He never changed his name and he collected Social Security checks and paid annual taxes on 55 acres of family land.
"I knew they would get me one day," he said.
He was finally caught last year after a dispute over his Social Security payments.