Daily Dose - 020319 - good date, BIZARRE NEWS, Old Dr. Carver, DDL, Hey Martha
These three women were roommates. One night they all had all gone out on dates and they all came home at about the same time.
The first one said, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."
The second one said, "No, you know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared."
The third one said nothing, but reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck.
"Now THAT'S a good date!"
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Premonitions
After having nightmares for ten consecutive nights about a DC-10 crash, Cincinnati office manager David Booth called American Airlines on May 22, 1979. Three days later, 273 people died when an American DC-10 crashed at Chicago.
In 1896, German psychic Madame de Ferriem had a vision of bodies being carried out of a coal mine at Dux in Bohmeia in bitterly cold weather. A year later hundreds were killed by an explosion in a coal mine in Dux during a cold spell.
"Fugitive" star David Jensen had a dream in 1980 where he saw himself being carried out in a coffin after a heart attack. His psychic's advise to go in for a physical came too late, for two days later Jensen died of a massive heart attack.
On the morning of April 14, 1865, Julia Grant, wife of US General Ulysses S. Grant had a strong feeling that she and her husband should get out of Washington. As they were leaving, the couple passed John Wilkes Booth on his way to assassinate President Lincoln at the theatre. Grant was also found to be on Booth's death list.
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Congressman Gets "Pantsed" by Airport Security
WASHINGTON - U.S. Representative John Dingell was forced to strip to his underwear Saturday at National Airport to prove he wasn't smuggling a weapon aboard a Northwest flight to Detroit.
It seems the good Congressman has a metal hip, which he explained, but security wasn't having any of it. The guards made him take off his overcoat, then his suit coat, then his shoes and socks.
When he still triggered alarms, the guards took him to a back room and asked him to remove his pants. He did. They were convinced.
"They felt me up and down like a prize steer," said Dingell, 75. "I was very nice, but I probably showed I was displeased."
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Little Bastard Swindles Over 1 million in Internet Scam
A 17-year-old high school student has agreed to turn over approximately $900,000 he allegedly swindled from investors in a sports beating scheme he ran on the Internet.
Securities and Exchange Commission alleged that Cole A. Bartiromo, who lives with his parents in Calif., raised more than $1 million by selling so-called "guaranteed" and "risk-free" investments in which he pooled investors' funds to bet on sporting events.
Stephen Cutler, enforcement director of the SEC said, "This case demonstrates that just about anyone -- even a 17-year-old high school student -- can mastermind a securities fraud over the Internet."
[You think?]
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Predicting the Future Through Sex
NAGOYA, Japan - The brothel industry must be in need of a new marketing campaign.
A woman only known as Kaho claims to predict men's future by having sex with them.
Stationed in a brothel in Nagoya, she has predicted events for over 1,000 men last year by performing oral sex on them. She has supposedly helped one man win at a racecourse and encouraged a doubting man to continue with wedding plans.
Japan is no stranger to odd soothsayers, though. One person claims to tell the future by breast-reading and another based on mobile phones.
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When in Doubt, Flash Some Boob
HUNGARY - Where else but America can an "actor" become a political figure? Apparently in Hungary.
Porn star Ilona Staller, otherwise known as Cicciolina, is a prospective candidate in the country's April general elections. Her trademark? Baring her left breast to reflect her left-wing political opinions.
The 50-year-old prospect is an advocate for the working-class and insists her tawdry background will not be a problem for her constituents. She told a local paper, "The Hungarians' problems are not my breast or that they are too prudish, but that because of the intervention of the current government they have fallen back instead of advancing."
She will work on such social issues as public health, homelessness, and pensioners' problems.
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Man Arrested for Targeting Long-Haired Women
LONG BEACH, California - Police Officer Jana Blair said, "Women with long hair can rest easier," because the Hair Bandit has been arrested.
Michael Lynn Howard, 47, acted in a series of strange assaults during the holiday season, snipping off locks of long hair from women ranging in age from 12 to 45. The victims were shocked, but uninjured.
Police arrested the Bandit this week after receiving an anonymous tip. Howard first had to receive medical attention for a wound from his last haircutting spree and was then taken into police custody.
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Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain.
The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer?"
A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom.
A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?"
Mr. Tuttle complied with the request.
In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?"
"Not a thing," replied old Doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument bag open."
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DDL
The thunder god went for a ride,
upon his favorite filly.
"I'm Thor," he cried.
The horse replied,
"You forgot your thaddle, thilly."
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"Yeah, but I love you more than football and basketball."
--Tommy Lasorda, after his wife accused him of loving baseball more than her.
***
One day a man approached Groucho Marx and he said, "Please insult my wife. She loves your work. It would really give her a thrill if you insulted her."
Groucho turned to the man and said, "Sir, you should be ashamed of yourself...To be married to a woman like that and not be able to think up your own insults!"
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Hey Martha (true)
Monday, December 31, 2001
Man wants to auction his mummy
SALEM, Ore. (AP) -- A carpenter's apprentice who tried to sell the rights to his mummified body on an Internet auction site says he wanted to raise money for his unborn child's future.
James Olheiser posted the offer on eBay on Thursday, only to have company officials pull the item within 15 hours. The San Jose-based company said it violated guidelines that prohibit the listing of human bodies or body parts on the site.
Olheiser, 24, offered the rights to display his mummified corpse for $250,000, which would include the cost of mummification. Under his proposal, the mummified remains would become part of a public or private collection.
The contract would be void if Olheiser met with an untimely death -- particularly because a doctor recently told him he was in perfect health, he said.
"I figured it would be some weird millionaire who would pay $250,000," said Olheiser, whose wife Danielle is expecting a daughter in May.
The couple hoped to use the money to pay bills and fund their daughter's college education.
"I think it'd be amazing," said Danielle Olheiser, 19. "We could put little Penny Lane through college and never have to worry about that kind of thing again."