Daily Dose - 020311 - cold hard cash, Rotten News, DDL, Hey Martha
A woman's husband asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She thought for a moment and said, "This year I just want cold, hard cash for a change."
The following day her husband filled her request. He put $20 in nickels, dimes and quarters into a quart jar, then filled it with water and placed it in the freezer. On her birthday he handed his wife a solidly frozen bottle of change.
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Rotten News (true !)
Child 'needs $600,000 a month'
From AP
January 15, 2002
THE ex-wife of an American billionaire is asking a court for the biggest child support award ever in California.
Lisa Bonder Kerkorian is asking for $US320,000($619,300) a month - to care for the three-year-old daughter she had with 84-year-old casino mogul Kirk Kerkorian.
In court documents, Kerkorian lists monthly expenses for daughter Kira including $US144,000($278,692) for travel, $US14,000 ($27,095) for parties and play dates and $US7,000 ($13,547.51) for charity.
Lisa Kerkorian, a 36-year-old former tennis pro, said her ex-husband promised to take care of Kira's every need, according to a 33-page court declaration obtained by the Los Angeles Times.
"In all our discussions ... the word 'needs' never meant basic needs, but what was required to maintain her in the station of life and with all the things and benefits befitting the daughter of Kirk Kerkorian," Lisa Kerkorian said in the court papers filed last week.
Kerkorian, ranked by Forbes magazine as the world's 46th-richest person with an estimated $US6.4 billion($12.4 billion) fortune, is the the majority shareholder of MGM Mirage Inc, owner of the world's largest hotel in Las Vegas. He is also one of the largest shareholders of DaimlerChrysler.
The couple met in 1986 and became romantically involved after Lisa Kerkorian's first marriage broke up in 1991.
Lisa Kerkorian said she pressed him to marry her, but he refused; she tried to leave in the summer of 1997 but soon found out she was pregnant, according to the court documents.
Kerkorian agreed to marry Lisa in 1999 - five months after Kira was born - on the condition that his wife file for divorce a month later and that she waive her right to spousal support, the documents say.
Kerkorian agreed to pay $US50,000($96,767) a month in child support, and for a time upped that to $US75,000($145,152) a month. But Lisa Kerkorian contends that is not enough for Kira, whose first birthday party cost $US70,000 ($135,475) and who has flown more than 35 times on private jets.
Kerkorian has remained silent on the case, but his lawyer, Dennis Wasser, calls Lisa Kerkorian's account "fiction".
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Friday January 4 11:17 AM ET
Infant Shoots, Kills Cop Father
SMYRNA, Tenn. (Reuters) - A 22-year-old policeman was killed by his 3-year-old son when the boy picked up his father's gun off the kitchen table and accidentally fired, police said Friday.
Joshua Haffner, who had recently joined the Smyrna Police Department, returned home Thursday from night shift duty, put down his gun, and was struck in the back by a bullet fired by his unidentified son, police spokeswoman Barbara Wilford said.
Haffner was taken by helicopter to Vanderbilt University Medical Center where he died a short time later. He had graduated recently from the Metro Police Academy.
Smyrna is a town of 14,000 southeast of Nashville.
__________________________
The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern.
"Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day."
"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"
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A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days."
The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?"
"No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of a man having two wives, haven't you?"
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DDL
There was a young lady named Alice
Who was known to have peed in a chalice.
'Twas the common belief
It was done for relief,
And not out of protestant malice.
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Personal Ad:
Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important.
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Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied . . .
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Q. Did you hear the joke they're not telling to assholes?
A.
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Hey Martha (true)
Tuesday, January 15, 2002
Man hired to clean 7.6 million pennies
LUBBOCK, Texas (AP) -- To Robert Massengale, the job is hardly small change.
The retired city employee has taken on the task of separating dirt and debris from about 7.6 million pennies piled high in a warehouse.
The new copper coins spilled out of a tractor-trailer during a traffic accident on Oct. 4 as they were being transported from the U.S. Mint in Denver to San Antonio.
Massengale was hired by an insurance company to clean the pennies so they can be put into circulation.
After the truck overturned, heavy equipment was called to scoop up the pennies. It was raining that day, so a large amount of dirt and mud was picked up along with the coins, Massengale told the Lubbock Avalanche-Journal for its Monday editions.
It took nine fully loaded dump trucks to bring the pennies to Lubbock, Massengale said.
"I knew it was an unusual situation, and all I could say at the time is that I'd go out and look at it," Massengale said. "Once I took a look at it, I decided I would try to do something with it."
Massengale is using large screens to sift the pennies from the dirt. The pennies will then need to be cleaned, possibly with an acid wash. Massengale hopes to finish the job within 60 days.
"I hope we can find somebody to take them in bulk rather than having to roll all of them" into 50-cent packs, he said.