Daily Dose - 020306 - Biology class, Joke-A-Day News, hunting season, DDL, Hey Martha
During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class, "Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys?"
A student replied, "That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down."
The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, "Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girls?"
The student countered by saying, "That's because girls get breasts and they are heavier than the guy's balls."
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Joke-A-Day News (satire or truth - you decide !)
White House spokesman Ari Fleischer today said a miscommunication with the President's medical staff inadvertently caused a report to circulate stating President Bush fainted after choking "on" a pretzel. The President, Fleischer said, actually fainted after choking "the" pretzel. "It's a simple mistake, and no, I'm not going to explain what it means," Fleischer said.
Doctors explained that episodes of fainting during such an activity are not unusual, but added the euphemism "choking the pretzel" appears to be new. However, according to presidential historian Michael Garvey-Hart, President Bush is most likely borrowing from one of his heroes, President Theodore Roosevelt, who often used the term 'spanking the pretzel' to describe incidents in which he was tickling his teddy.
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Last week Wendy's founder Dave Thomas was laid to rest here in a Columbus suburb. The preacher doing the service related a story about Thomas during the service.
Seems Thomas received by mail a check for $200 from a former employee who'd stolen $200 from a store over 20 years before. Thomas asked the preacher what he thought about it.
The preacher said, "I think it shows how the Lord works in mysterious ways, Dave."
Thomas responded, "You think we can get the Lord to work a little harder and get this guy to pay me the interest, too?"
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One of those true stories that I couldn't *possibly* improve upon it by trying to "make it funny":
Four-months pregnant actress Anne Heche isn't turning her back on homosexuality, just because she's happily married to cameraman Coley Laffoon. The former girlfriend of comedienne Ellen Degeneres has spoken to American gay magazine The Advocate about her thoughts and feelings - and she hasn't ruled out the possibility of returning to a lesbian lifestyle.
The 32-year-old actress says, "I have been very clear to everybody that just because I'm getting married, doesn't mean I'm straight."
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The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season.
Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer.
No one raised a hand.
Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer."
One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."
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DDL
There's a man in the city of Dublin
Whose prick is always him troublin',
And it's now come to this,
That he can't go to piss,
But the spunk with the piddle comes bubblin'.
There once was a puppy named Grover
Who lived in a city called Dover.
His master was odd,
And fed him green cod,
Then flattened him with his LandRover.
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Thought for the Day: To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates will donate $100 million to help immunize children in developing countries against meningitis and respiratory and diarrheal illnesses. With the shot, however, the children will have Microsoft Internet Explorer 6.0 installed in them.
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Further proof that the long term implications of drugs/procedures must be fully considered....
Over the past few years more money has been spent on breast implants, penis implants and viagra than on Alzheimer's. In a few years we will have a lot of people running around with huge breasts and long dicks who won't remember what to do with them.
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Hey Martha (true)
Thursday, January 03, 2002
Weather forecaster maybe jailed for bad prediction
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (AP) -- Some TV weather forecasters catch grief for making the wrong predictions, but Luiz Carlos Austin could be going to jail.
The mayor of Rio de Janeiro wants Austin prosecuted for predicting heavy rain for New Year's Eve.
The rain never came, but the mayor says the errant forecast could have caused panic in the flood-weary city. Austin defends his forecast, saying a cold front broke up earlier than expected.
Prosecutors say they'll likely charge the weatherman with sounding a false alarm, punishable by up to six months in prison.