Daily Dose - 020305 - prankster, Rotten News, previous bill, DDL, Hey Martha
Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was coming.
Surprisingly, the ceremony went off without a hitch. No one stood up during the pause to offer a reason 'why this couple should not be married'. His reception wasn't disrupted by streakers or smoke-bombs, and the car the couple was to take on their honeymoon was in perfect working order.
When the couple arrived at their hotel and entered the room, Bill even checked for cornflakes in the bed (a gag he had always loved). Nothing, it seemed, was amiss. Satisfied that he had come away unscathed, the couple fell into bed.
Upon waking, the couple was ravenous so Bill called down to room service and asked, "I'd like to order breakfast for two."
At that moment, a soft voice from under the bed said, "Make that five."
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Rotten News (True !)
Horror of 'vampire' murder case
by Patrick McGowan
A murder trial which has horrified Germany with stories of devil worship and vampirism has heard that a self-styled "Bride of Satan" drank human blood on visits to Britain.
Manuela Ruda is accused with her husband of murdering a 33-year-old man beneath a banner reading "When Satan Lives". The couple then drank their victim's blood before making love in one of two matching silk-lined coffins they slept in.
In the first day of her evidence before the court in the industrial city of Bochum, Ruda said she learned her devil worship on holidays in Scotland and England.
Appearing in court in chains with half her head shaved and an upside-down cross - a Satanic motif - etched on to her scalp with mascara, she said: "We met many people who offered up their blood to us to drink. In London we connected with vampires.
"We drank blood from living people. I had fangs from animals implanted in my mouth to bite better with. We learned which veins to bite so it wasn't an artery we drank from. Later I filed down my teeth to razor sharpness.
"We slept on graves. One time we dug a grave and slept in that to feel how it was. For the last 21/2 years I have had Satan in my soul."
The couple are accused of sacrificing Frank Haagen, a man they picked up and lured to their flat, on an oak coffin before an altar of skulls. He was killed with a hammer and 66 blows from a machete.
For a week now details of ever greater Gothic horror have been revealed and the couple have played up to the German public, laughing, joking, sticking their tongues out at the judge and giving the finger to reporters.
Ruda, 23, and her 26-year-old husband Daniel believed they would be reincarnated as vampires. They sacrificed goats and chickens in woodland around their home before graduating to human prey.
"We drank blood from living people. I had fangs from animals implanted in my mouth to bite better with. We learned which veins to bite so it wasn't an artery we drank from. Later I filed down my teeth to razor sharpness."
The trial has shone an unwelcome spotlight on a sinister, dark side of Germany. The world's third richest economy is also home to an estimated 6,000 hardcore devil worshippers. In the depressed, jobless regions of the former communist east there have been many suicides of occult-obsessed youngsters.
Describing the man's murder, Ruda said: "We sat on the couch. Then my husband stood up. He had terrible, scorching eyes. He hit Frank with a hammer. He pulled out a knife and I said: 'Stick him right in the heart!'
"He sank to his knees and I saw the light around him fade. That was the sign, that his soul had left for the underworld. We said a prayer to Satan. We were empowered and alone."
After killing their victim they carved a six-pointed Satanic star on his stomach with a razor blade and stubbed out numerous cigarettes on his back.
Prosecutor Dieter Justinsky said: "I have never, ever seen such a picture of cruelty and depravity before. They simply had a lust for murder.
"Both believed in Satan. They worshipped him. A death list found in the flat [contained] the names of future victims. They drank his blood, slept in coffins and believed they would achieve immortality as vampires."
Mr Justinsky said the victim was stabbed, his blood was collected in a bowl and then his head was caved in with a sledgehammer. When police raided the house, the court heard, the victim's decomposing corpse was lying on the floor near a fearsome arsenal of knives, axes and machetes the couple had allegedly collected over the years.
Both Ruda and her husband have confessed to police and do not deny murdering their victim. The trial continues.
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African workers get paychecks with condoms
by Jon ben Asher
365Gay.com
Ten years ago the Ivory Coast's power company, CIE, decided to hit AIDS head-on by putting condoms in its pay envelopes.
CIE says it believes the program has saved thousands of lives. The company is one of the most progressive in Africa.
It continues to give out condoms and provides health coverage for 13,000 employees or relatives and supplies anti-retroviral drugs so those infected can live longer.
This week, PROMOTION
at a meeting of heads of power and water companies from across West Africa, the company said it wanted to spread its expertise.
CIE has offered to teach other African companies how they can create AIDS programs in their businesses.
"HIV/AIDS is a serious obstacle to the development of our nation," said Assana Sangare, Ivory Coast's minister charged with fighting the disease. "Let our work here be an example to the entire industrial sector in West Africa."
Ivory Coast is among the world's 15 worst affected countries.
Seventy percent of the nearly 40 million people worldwide with HIV are in Africa.
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Olympics ban skate 'porn'
By DUNCAN LARCOMBE
ICE skaters must clean up their acts after complaints the sport is becoming obscene.
Revealing routines — such as women being held upside down with their legs akimbo — have been banned ahead of next month’s Winter Olympics.
Judges will now deduct points for dirty dancing as bosses fear the family-friendly sport is in danger of attracting the wrong kind of spectator.
Nick Russell, director of the National Ice Skating Association, said: “As couples try to be more entertaining, they produce moves that are gynaecological, which is about as politely as it can be put.”
Nancy Meiss, a US judge, said: “If I want a young man waving his partner’s assets in my face, I can rent a porn movie.”
Canadian Ann Shaw said: “When partners are tossed around there will be instances when photographers get unfortunate shots.”
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A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor, noticing that the previous bill hadn't been paid, instructed the collections manager to contact the customer.
The collections manager made the call and left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call from the customer who said, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
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DDL
To the builder, the younger King Tut
The loan institutions were shut
"To build pyramids
Takes quids upon quids
And those rocks are a pain in the butt."
There was a young girl from Coleshill
Who sat one day on a moleshill
The resident mole
Stuck his nose up her hole
Now Miss Coleshill alright but the mole's ill.
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definition shorts
Auditor: A person sent in after the battle to stab the wounded
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Baby-sitter: A teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
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Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
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Hey Martha (true)
Thursday, January 03, 2002
Beach hut goes from $135 to $180,000
LONDON (AP) -- Britain's red-hot housing market has taken a new turn after an eager buyer paid $180,000 for an old, wooden beach hut used for summer weekends.
The previous owners of the 68-year-old vacation hut in the southern county of Dorset paid $135 (90 pounds) for it in 1944, British newspapers reported Thursday.
The hut, which can sleep four in rather cramped conditions and has a small kitchen, was expected to sell for $90,000, but 25 bidders at an auction sent the price up to twice the estimate.
Beach huts were very popular until the 1960s, offering city dwellers a way to spend cheap weekends at the coast. Traditionally, the huts are spartan, wooden structures, suitable only for temporary use in warm weather.
The new owner, Ros Llewellyn, bought the Dorset "chalet" as a vacation home for her children and grandchildren.
British property prices, traditionally among the highest in the world, have soared in recent years because of high demand, especially in the south, where the economy is strongest.