Daily Dose - 020302 - Tell her a poem, Rotten News, little boy kneeling, DDL, Hey Martha
A man making the Bar scene, was fairly intoxicated when he went into a popular night spot. The bartender refused to serve him and told him he should go home.
Man: My wife will kill me.
Bartender: Take her some candy.
Man: She is on a diet.
Bartender: Take her some flowers.
Man: She has allergies.
Bartender: Tell her a poem.
Man: She loves poems ... I don't know any.
Bartender: Here is one for you. The Bartender recited.
YOU BABYLONIAN WITCH ..
BLUE EYES AND RUBY LIPS...
BENEATH THINE EYES PASSION LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PASSION RISE.
-"Shakespeare"
Man: I can handle that.
So walking home the man was reciting to himself the poem. When he gets home he is unable to find his keys. So he knocks on the door.
Wife: You better not of been drinking.
Man: Sweetness, I have a poem for you!
Wife: It had better be good
The man starts to recite the poem...
YOU BABYLONIAN BITCH ..
BLUE EYES AND PURPLE TITS.
BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS A PUSSY LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PECKER RISE.
________________________
Rotten News (true !)
Tuesday January 15 08:11 PM EST
Homosexual customs return to Kandahar
By Gay.com U.K.
SUMMARY: Taliban rule is over in Kandahar, Afghanistan (news - web sites), and Western journalists have already noted that traditions of homosexuality are re-emerging.
Taliban rule is over in Kandahar, Afghanistan, and Western journalists have already noted that traditions of homosexuality are re-emerging.
Kandahar's Pashtuns have started to become visible again with their "ashna" -- teenagers who are groomed for sex. Before the Taliban took over in 1994, Pashtuns could be seen everywhere with their young boys on whom they showered expensive gifts. Living in poverty, the boys could not refuse the Pashtuns.
Once a boy becomes the property of a Pashtun, who is usually married with a wife and family, he is marked out. The Kandaharis, however, accept Pashtun relationships as part of their culture. Pashtun and their ashna "beloveds" have been part of everyday life for centuries.
"In the days of the Mujahidin, there were men with their ashna everywhere, at every corner, in shops, on the streets, in hotels: It was completely open, a part of life," Torjan, 38, one of the soldiers loyal to Kandahar's new governor, Gul Agha Sherzai, told the Times newspaper.
"They are just emerging again," Torjan said. "The fighters too now have the boys in their barracks. This was brought to the attention of Gul Agha, who ordered the boys to be expelled, but it continues. The boys live with the fighters very openly. In a short time, and certainly within a year, it will be like pre-Taliban: They will be everywhere."
********
Chomp! Model's revenge leaves rapist reeling
By Ryann Connell
Staff Writer
Jan. 15, 2002
Maintaining a superb figure has required model Yoshimi Kato to refrain from partaking in tasty tidbits. But the 24-year-old is probably delighted that a huge chomp on a piece of meat recently saved her skin, if Asahi Geino (1/24) is anything to go by.
Though based in Sapporo, Kato visited Tokyo last August for a job. Upon finishing work late at night, she was walking along a dark road toward the home of a friend where she was supposed to stay when a suspicious-looking man drove up in a van.
Considering the time, the man apparently believed Kato was a sex worker and proceeded to chat her up. Having put in a hard day in front of the cameras, Kato wanted nothing of the slimy creature's advances and told him to "go home" in words no quite so polite.
Incensed, the man jumped out his vehicle and powered a mighty punch into Kato's stomach, causing her to buckle over in pain. He pushed her to the ground, jumped on top of her and unleashed a series of about 10 vicious blows to her belly.
He then dragged Kato along the ground for some 50 meters, the scrapes along the asphalt turning the model into a bloody mess. He started to undress, but when Kato resisted, he merely unzipped his jeans and flopped out the contents of his undies.
"Eat it. If you do it properly, I won't hit you again," the fiend said to Kato.
Where most would have been terrified in such a situation, Asahi Geino notes, the thugs threat's were all Kato needed to come up with a plan.
"Most women would have been scared stiff in the situation I'd found myself, but all that I could think about was getting this guy back," Kato says.
Without struggling, she engulfed the entire wiener into her mouth and held it there as it began to harden in its transformation to a weapon threatening her existence. It was at that instant she turned the tables.
"Chomp!" was the sound as Kato bit down as hard as she could, grinding her molars into the mouthful of meat she says had a texture "a bit like chicken gizzards."
Blood spurted from Kato's mouth as her evil assailant reflexively tried to push her away only to find the model refused to release her hold.
"I told myself that I wanted to take at least two or three huge bites into it," she says.
Though unable to bite through to the end, the beast was left with a large chunk of his most precious part merely dangling like a turkey's giblet. He ran off and the young model was saved.
Kato immediately reported the vile attack to the police, who learned in a couple of days that her attacker had booked into a Saitama Prefecture hospital.
"Apparently it was an emergency case and if he didn't have surgery quickly he'd never be able to use the thing again," Kato says. "Police kept a watch on the hospital on the day he was supposed to turn up for the operation, but he didn't show."
In an instance that proves crime does not pay, the man remains on the loose, possibly a word that also best describes the attachment his member has to him. And Kato remains unblemished by the ordeal, saying that despite the awful experience, it still hasn't managed to turn her off chicken gizzards.
________________________
A young man visited his sister who was married to a farmer in a poor district of the country. Since there were limited accommodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew.
When the young man came into the bedroom, he saw the little boy kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed.
Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed.
The child looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?"
"Why, the same thing you're doing", replied the uncle.
"Ma's gonna be mad", said the boy. "The pot's on this side".
_________________________
DDL
When a girl asked the size of his dick
The Texan responded, right quick,
"Three inches, or four."
"But my boyfriend has more!"
"Yes, m'am. You mean cross-wise, or thick?"
There once was a fellow from Maine
Who would rape Cherrios with no shame.
He'd go slow, he'd go fast
With a fist up his ass
And if he wanted them frosted, he came
_________________________
A student taking a philosophy class had a single question on his final: "What is courage?"
The student wrote: "This," signed it, and turned it in.
_________________________
"Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded."
-Tim Allen
__________________________
Manager: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."
Applicant: "Well, the work is much harder when you don't know what you're doing!"
__________________________
Hey Martha (true)
Thursday, January 03, 2002
People paid for a night in prison
BASIN, Wyo. (AP) -- Sixteen innocent people spent a night in Big Horn County's new jail, and they even paid for the privilege.
Sheriff Dave Mattis invited residents to ante up $10 for an overnight stay to see the $6.2 million jailhouse up close before traditional customers arrive.
The bogus jailbirds checked in Saturday night and were "released" Sunday morning after breakfast of cold cereal, toast, juice, fruit, milk, Mattis said.
The visitors came away with a slightly new perspective.
"Everybody thought it was a worthwhile experience, not that they wanted to do it again," he said.
The old jail was closed in 1991 amid threats of a lawsuit from the American Civil Liberties Union over conditions. Since then, inmates have been sent to Worland, 30 miles away.
When the old jail was shut down, it was housing four to five inmates a day. Now, an average of 15 to 22 prisoners are being housed in Worland, at a cost to Big Horn County of $45 per inmate per day.