Daily Dose - 020211 - good seats, Rotten News, big boobs, parking ticket, DDL, Hey Martha
For our flight to the Far East, my wife and I checked in at the Korean Air counter at Los Angeles International Airport. As the smiling Korean woman processed our tickets, my wife asked, "Are they good seats?"
"They are very good seats," the airline worker replied. "You will be sitting next to a handsome gentleman, and your companion will be seated beside a beautiful lady."
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Rotten News (True !)
Penises Shorter than Previously Thought
Back in the 1940's, the Kinsey Study on male sexuality reported the average penis size in America at about 6.2 inches. A new study by Lifestyles Condom Company disputes that figure, "weighing" in at 5.877 inches. This is a discrepancy of about 5%, which is no small matter when it comes to manhood.
When we dig deeper, we find the methodology of their study troubling. Apparently Lifestyles went to Cancun, Mexico during spring break and asked college students to drop trou and whack it a few times. A specially trained nurse subsequently performed exacting scientific measurements.
Such methodologies may include the company's target market, but exclude older men -- do their penises shrivel? -- as well as geeky types who don't go to Cancun on their spring breaks. And also perhaps shy, small penised men who aren't willing to submit to such genital scrutiny.
(ABC News)
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April 9, 2001
War Looms in Germany
The Interior Minister of the German bundesgovernment, Otto Schily, has threatened to declare "infowar" over sites it disapproves of that reside in the United States. Of course, this is the bandwidth equivalent of the Principality of Monaco threatening war on Germany: if they were actually to try this, connectivity to their entire silly little bundescountry would dry up rather quickly. Mainly targetted would be neo-nazi sites, but one site that Germans have already set their eyes on is rotten.com, according to documents obtained from the German Family Ministry.
(Der Spiegel)
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April 8, 2001
MTV Facing Faecal Spray Suit
The MTV network is being sued by two fourteen year old girls who claim they were coated with human faeces. The incident occurred during a taping of the show Dude, This Sucks, at Snow Summit Ski Resort for a special "Snowed In" episode. According to the girls' attorneys, a pair of actors clad in scouting uniforms, the Shower Rangers, "turned their backsides to the audience, opened a flap on the back of their shorts, exposing their naked buttocks", whereafter one of the Rangers "spread the cheeks of his buttocks and emitted a spray of faecal matter in their direction". The lawsuit seeks both compensatory and punitive damages against the cable music network.
(City News Service)
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During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob."
The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, "That's okay. We like big boobs."
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Recently in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there.
The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would.
The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."
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DDL
A Certain Sweet Girl From Key West
Was Uncommonly Large In The Chest
Any Man's Close Attention
To Her Outside Dimension
Brought His Own Measurement To Its Best
Said Wilbur Wright, 'Oh, this is grand,
But, Orville, you must understand.
We've discovered all right
The secret of flight -
The question is, how do we land?'
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Can you believe it? Monica Lewinski turned 28 this week.
It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees.
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"When we got married we registered at Bloomingdale's because you can return everything for cash. And I figure each place setting can keep me in beer money for three months."
-Gary Barkin
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Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"
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Hey Martha (true)
Tuesday, January 15, 2002
Man gets $165,000 speeding ticket
Traffic fines in Finland geared to offender's income
HELSINKI (AP) -- At 74 kilometres an hour, he didn't set any land-speed records. But Nokia executive Anssa Vanjoki could set the record for the costliest ever speeding ticket -- a $165,000 Cdn fine.
Vanjoki, a 45-year-old executive vice-president of Nokia's mobile phones division, is fighting to get the fine reduced.
He was slapped with the ticket for speeding on a motorcycle in a 50 km/h zone on an island near Helsinki last October, Chief Police Insp. Olli Yliskoski said.
But in Finland, traffic fines are not just based on the seriousness of the infringement, they're also tied to the offender's income, and there's no limit. Worse for Vanjoki, his fine was based on his net income in 1999, when he reportedly made $8.3 million Cdn because of option sales.
He has appealed for the fine to be based on his income in 2000, when his gross income dropped from more than $19.8 million Cdn to about $1.5 million Cdn, according to tax authorities.
Official net income figures for 2000 were not available, and Vanjoki did not return phone calls seeking comment. The case goes to court next month.
In a similar incident last year, a Helsinki court slashed a traffic fine levied against Internet millionaire Jaakko Rytsola for switching lanes too often. It was cut from $72,000 Cdn to $190 Cdn after his income showed a dramatic drop.
Earlier, Rytsola paid a $119,000 Cdn traffic fine, reportedly the highest ever in Finland.
Yliskoski said Finnish authorities are considering changing he way incomes are used in determining fines.
"They should be proportioned to the danger afflicted," he said. "(And) If you fine somebody on the grounds of incomes peaking a certain year it can grow unreasonable."