Daily Dose - 020206 - PREGNANT GIRL, BIZARRE NEWS, group of Seniors, DDL, Hey Martha
PREGNANT GIRL
One day a young woman went to see her doctor who had to share the news with her that she was indeed pregnant.
The doctor then says to the 16 year old, "Young lady do you have any idea who the father of your child might be?"
The young woman replies, "Doctor its like this.... if you eat a can of beans, do you know which one made you fart?"
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Police Reports
In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed human head in an abandoned mining shed and called the police. Deputy Larry Taylor realized it was just the head of a mannequin when he noticed a price sticker on the forehead.
A California officer charged the driver of a white Mazda with DUI after driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the upper half of a traffic light pole laying across its hood. When Fonteno asked the drunk driver about the pole, he responded: "It came with the car when I bought it."
The driver of an armored truck in Edmonton, Alberta appeared to be signaling for help as he repeatedly swung his door open. After six police cruisers chased and stopped the truck, it turned out, the driver had simply tried to fan fresh air into the cabin after the other guard had passed gas.
In Boynton, Florida, Michael Harrison and Kevin Carter were arrested and charged with armed robbery and murder in their attempt to raise money to attend the police academy.
Stockholm, Sweden - Customs officers in Stockholm, Sweden arrested a woman who had tried to smuggle 75 live snakes in her bra. The officers became suspicious when they noticed how the woman kept scratching her chest.
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A Tragic And Bizarre Death
According to the Bismarck Tribune, 28-year-old Takako Konishi of Tokyo died while in search of the money she saw buried in the movie "Fargo."
She flew into Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport with a homemade map to begin her quest. Police picked her up rummaging around a landfill in Bismarck, and when they figured out what she was trying to do they tried to explain to her that "Fargo" was a fictional story, but faced a language barrier.
"She apparently had money, so she wasn't in need of a place to stay or anything," Police told the Tribune.
Konishi's body was discovered a week later in Detroit Lakes. No signs of foul play were apparent.
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Prison Goof-Up Releases Wrong Prisoner
GERMANY - When prison officers told Sven A he was being released from Spremberg Jail two years early, he hurriedly packed his bags and didn't ask any questions. He mockingly laughed at the guards as he left and said, "Goodbye forever."
They didn't know what the taunt referred to until the prison received a frantic phone call. Officials had apparently confused two prisoners with the same name. The man was released in error, and a hunt is underway to find the fugitive.
They only realized the mistake when the wife of the man who was actually to be released called the facility and wondered where her husband was.
Regional Justice Minister Kurt Schelter said, "It is an inexplicable mistake. I ordered a full and thorough investigation into how it could have happened." Someone's head is going to roll...
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De Niro's Kidney Stone Up for Sale
Digital Channel Auction World Dot TV strikes again. First they planned to auction off Jack Nicholson's baby teeth and adult molars. Now they allegedly have Academy Award Winner Robert De Niro's kidney stone.
De Niro's representatives have yet to confirm if it's indeed the actor's stone. His agent Stan Rosenfield said, "We know Mr. De Niro passed a stone in 1981, whether this is the stone is debatable."
In the meantime, Auction World TV founder George Spitaliotis is scurrying to confirm the authenticity. The founder bought the 1 cm. stone during a trip to Las Vegas. He said, "It's a real gem, very weird, yes. But this seems to be the reputation we're getting here in the UK, and we're happy with it. I don't know whether we can sell it on the show just yet."
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"You be the bad guy...I'll be the Sheriff."
Two Texas men became the first to use a new state jail when they accidently locked themselves in one of the cells.
The facility was still under construction, and local police didn't have the key. The coincidental inmates were freed by a locksmith six hours later.
Police said they wouldn't press trespassing charges due to the duo's time served.
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Polite Car Thief Apologizes Before Stealing Car
PLUMSTEAD, Penn. - Defying his parole guidelines, George Bussinger, 25, traveled out of the state into Pennsylvania. Trying to avoid arrest for the violation, Bussinger decided to steal a car. This somehow must have made sense in his own mind.
Joe Borowski, a car salesman, took Bussinger on a test drive for a 2002 Durango near Philadelphia. As Borowski exited the car to change seats, Bussinger jumped into the driver's seat and locked the doors.
He apologized to the salesman through the door window, and even offered Borowski $100 for the inconvenience. For his little joyride, there is a warrant out for his arrest on car theft charges.
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Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives
MEXICO CITY - Passengers on a Mexico City bus rallied together against their would-be robber, and killed him with his own ice pick.
The robber/victim boarded a downtown bus, took out his weapon, and demanded cash from the other 20 passengers. They quickly obliged his request by taking his ice pick away; then they stabbed him to death ending his crime spree.
Mexico City has a reputation for rampant street crimes where the victims take justice into their own hands.
[It could have been worse; he could have used a melon-baller.]
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At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of Seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee."
"I couldn't even punch out the chad at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
The others nodded in agreement.
"Well, count your blessings," said one woman cheerfully ...."and thank God we can all still drive."
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DDL
There was a young lass of Rhodesia
Who said "If the front hole don't please yer
For a reasonable sum
You can try the old bum
But mind the old tapeworm don't seize yer!"
An ertoic neurotic named Sid,
Got his ego confused with his id
His errant libido
went off like a torpedo
And that's why he did what he did.
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"I don't know the key to Success. But the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
-Bill Cosby
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A little girl was writing a report on Alaska. Part of her paper read, "In case of an attack by a bear, you should lie down on the ground and curl into a ball. This is known as the fatal position."
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"We have only one person to blame, and that's each other."
-Barry Beck, New York Ranger, on who started a fight during the National Hockey League's Stanley Cup playoffs.
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Hey Martha (true)
Monday, January 21, 2002
Butts of a joke
Skaters display some transparent humour
Canadian speed skaters are not worried about showing their assets.
"Yeah, you could put it that way," Winnipeg's Cindy Klassen said with a chuckle yesterday during a phone interview from Calgary.
"We're a pretty transparent bunch ... What you see is what you get," joked Klassen, 22, who will be skating in her first Olympics at Salt Lake City next month.
Klassen's remarks came after fellow speed skater Krissy Myers caused a stir at the World Sprint Speedskating Championships in Hamar, Norway, yesterday when she wore "happy face" underpants that were clearly visible under her semitransparent skin-tight suit.
Klassen said Myers wore the "happy face" underpants as a prank and not to protest having to wear the revealing suit. Myers was unavailable for comment, but Klassen said the skaters have become accustomed to the "racy" suits.
"They've been that way for a while. And, yeah, people complain a bit every year we get new skin suits but it's usually all done in jest," she said.
"The important thing is not to wear black pants underneath. I've had to do that before and let's just say it's not a good idea."