Daily Dose - 020204 - marine radio, BIZARRE NEWS, standard security questions, DDL, Hey Martha
A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance.
A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location."
"I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."
The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?"
"I-75, two miles south of Standish."
A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?"
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Sexual Urban Legends
A woman is suing the pharmacy that sold her a contraceptive jelly. The woman ate the stuff on toast and got pregnant anyway. Many legal experts are convinced that she's got an excellent chance of collecting...FALSE
Residents of an apartment building hear a neighbor screaming for help and find a naked woman tied to a bed. She and her husband had been engaged in a superhero role-playing fantasy, and the costumed husband had knocked himself out attempting to jump onto his wife from atop the dresser...FALSE
After a young man slips his date an aphrodisiac and leaves her alone in the car, he returns to find that she has impaled herself on the stick shift handle in a sexual frenzy...FALSE
A man was shot in the groin area. The bullet passed through one of his testicles destroying it. This bullet traveled on and struck a young woman, passing through her uterus. This bullet deposited sperm within her uterus resulting in pregnancy. She carried the child to term...FALSE
One day, a woman is prank called by two DJ's from a local radio station. One of the DJ's claims that he is her husband's boss. He tells the woman that her husband has just been fired because he stole something and because he slept with a colleague. The woman gets mad and shouts that this means that she doesn't have to feel guilty anymore about her adultery with her husband's brother a couple of months ago. TRUE (according to the Youngstown, OH radio station CD 93.3)
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Canadian Man Makes "Bear-proof" Suit with Duct Tape
Troy Hurtubise of North Bay, Ontario has invested fifteen years of tinkering and nearly $100,000 in what he hopes is a bear-proof suit.
The design, which incorporates rubber, chainmail, galvanized steel, titanium - and thousands of feet of duct tape, has so far proven itself to be virtually indestructible.
An overly-confident Hurtubise has survived two strikes with a tree trunk, 18 collisions with a 3-ton truck at 40 mph, numerous strikes by arrows, axes and even bullets.
"I've never had a bruise," he commented. The final test, however, will be against a nine foot Kodiak bear.
Hurtubise is banking on the titanium layers around the chest, head and lower body to protect him. If there's a weakness, he says, it's the chainmail joints.
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Strapped for Cash? Sell Human Body Parts!
NIGERIA - Many of us are strapped for cash during the holiday season, and Nigerian mortuary and cemetery workers know this all too well. While some may take a second job, these workers took advantage of an opportunity right at their fingertips.
They are selling human body parts at markets to earn some extra money.
Research reflects that the demand for human parts is increasing, so the workers can fulfill this need. While dry human parts, like a skull, sell well, a fresh one sells for quite a bit more.
In fact, Herbalists are specifically interested in heads, genitalia, eyes, breasts, kidneys, hearts, fingers, hair, blood and toes.
Police are beginning to crack down on such markets. Capitalism at its best.
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Hiker Completes the 'Triple Crown'
Thoroughbred racing has its Triple Crown, so does the world of hiking. And veteran hiker Brian Robinson has just complete all three jewels, hiking the three major American megatrails: Pacific Crest Trail, the Continental Divide and the Appalachian Trail.
OK, so nearly 30 others have done that over the years. But Brian is the first hiker to have ever done all three -- all 7,371 miles -- in one 12-month span.
Published reports indicate that the intrepid Robinson had to hike at a 30-miles-a-day clip to complete the trek. Along the way he slogged through ice and show and mud and occasionally suffered from mild palsy. His travels took him through 22 states.
The worst part for him was not the weather, it was the loneliness. By the way, he surpassed his goal of doing all three hikes in a year; he completed them in less than 11 months.
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Girl Survives Train Running Over Her, Rescues Doll
LONDON, England - A young girl, around six years old, was playing at a train station when her doll fell into the train tracks. What's a girl to do? She jumped into the tracks to save her friend.
No train was originally scheduled to pass through that station, but one going 60mph made an unexpected visit.
As the train approached the girl, passengers yelled at her to lie flat between the tracks. A First Great Eastern spokesperson said, "The train was about to go straight through the station. The passengers screamed at her to lie flat. Thank god she followed their instructions."
That particular train model is the only one with enough space for someone to lie under it. Otherwise, the spokesperson said, "She would have been killed."
The little girl is safe and sound, though, and officials are trying to locate her parents.
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Santa on the Edge: Accused of Slapping Boy
PFUNGSTADT, Germany - We know who will be getting coal in his stocking this year.
A 55-ish man dressed as Santa Claus has been accused of slapping a nine-year-old boy and locking him in a broom cupboard.
While the Santa was working in a Christmas market, a group of children wanted to know what he had on under his red, festive outfit and taunted him. One boy claims Mr. Claus slapped him, and his parents have filed a legal complaint against the man.
Police did not keep the Santa and said, "He vehemently denies having done that." Maybe it was one of his elves.
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Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives
The Pen Is Mightier Than...
An Argentine man accidentally shot and killed his mother while trying to get a pen to write. You see the pen turned out to be a disguised miniature pistol.
The 29-year old man was sitting in the kitchen of his Buenos Aires home trying to work out why the weapon would not write when it went off and killed his mother.
The news agency Telam reports that the man's step-brother had found the pen-shaped gun, a model illegal in Argentina, lying in the street.
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I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military.
As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions.
"Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked.
I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son.
He looked at me very carefully and asked:
"Does she like you?"
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DDL
A coward once lived named Osama,
What a terrible disgrace to his Mama,
Up the ass he would hide
Of his camel named Clyde,
'Cause he wouldn't quite fit up a llama.
There was a young student called Jones,
Who'd reduce any maiden to moans,
By his wonderful knowledge
Acquired in a college
Of nineteen erogenous zones.
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Bumper Sticker shorts
His wife said: "Be an angel and let me drive." So he did, and now he is.
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My truck is not leaking, it's marking its territory.
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To keep your kids safe: Love them at home, belt them in the car.
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Hey Martha (true)
Monday, January 21, 2002
Australia gets on top of health problem
SYDNEY, Australia (AP) -- The state government wants to make prostitutes' lives a little easier.
New South Wales workplace safety watchdog on Monday released guidelines aimed at providing a better working environment for prostitutes in Australia's most populous state.
The potential pitfalls include injuries caused by dim lighting in brothels and massage parlors, tripping in showers and repetitive movement problems, the government agency said.
The "Getting on Top of Health and Safety" guidelines cover potential hazards to be checked in a brothel such as loose bed frames, storage of condoms and checking cleanliness of spas.
It also warns of concerns about back injury from unsuitable beds and wrist injury from constant massage.
While the industry has traditionally focused on improving sexual health and safer sex practices, WorkCover New South Wales said sex workers face many other work-related risks.
WorkCover general manager Kate McKenzie said the guidelines cover brothels, massage parlors, escort agencies and various other sex venues.
Prostitution has been decriminalized in New South Wales and most brothels are officially licensed by state authorities.