Daily Dose - 020203 - tiniest penis, BIZARRE NEWS, tonsils, DDL, Hey Martha
A man goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I've got this problem you see, only you've got to promise not to laugh."
The doctor replies, "Of course I won't laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over twenty years of being a doctor, I've never laughed at a patient."
"OK then," says the man, and he drops his trousers.
The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor. Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes.
"I'm so sorry," he says to the patient, "I don't know what came over me, I won't let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, "It's swollen."
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BIZARRE NEWS.....
Bizarre Holidays DECEMBER
December is... Hi Neighbor Month
December is... Bingo's Birthday Month
December 2 is... National Fritters Day
December 5 is... National Sacher Torte Day
December 6 is... National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day
December 8 is... Take It In The Ear Day
December 10 is... Festival For The Souls of Dead Whales
December 11 is... National Noodle Ring Day
December 12 is... National Ding-A-Ling Day
December 14 is... National Bouillabaisse Day
December 16 is... National Chocolate Covered Anything Day
December 17 is... Underdog Day & National Maple Syrup Day
December 18 is... National Roast Suckling Pig Day
December 26 is... National Whiners Day
December 27 is... National Fruitcake Day
December 29 is... Pepper Pot Day
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Canadian Man Gets His Kicks in Strip Club
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - We thought the man who sued a stripper for giving him whiplash with her breasts was bizarre until we read this story.
A Canadian man recently filed suit against the Barnet Motor Inn strip club claiming he was injured by a "reckless" dancer who kicked him in the head.
Greg Bonnett leaned in a little too closely during a performance, and the dancer in question swung around a pole and allegedly broke his nose with her high heel. Bonnett is suing the club for not posting signs warning patrons not to sit too closely.
He is also seeking unspecified damages from the dancer, known only as "Jane Doe".
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Expectant Father Gives Birth to Car Theft Plan
LOUISIANA - Apparently the miracle of child birth wasn't enough to hold this Louisiana man's attention.
Mickey Hewitt, 21, was arrested after he allegedly stole a car radio from a hospital car park while his wife was giving birth inside.
According to police, security cameras showed the expectant father dropping off his pregnant wife of the emergency room and later returning to smash a car's window at River Parishes Hospital, near New Orleans.
"Normally, the new dads are outside smoking together. That didn't happen in this case," remarked Captain Mike Tregre of the LaPlace Sheriff's Office.
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Dwarf Fights for Right to Flight
TAMPA, Fla. - It may be small potatoes to some, but it's a big issue to Tampa radio broadcaster "Dave the Dwarf." He is going to court to overturn Florida's ban on "dwarf tossing."
3-foot-2 inch David Flood believes he should be able to earn money by allowing bar patrons to hurl him through the air onto mattresses. Flood said. "I don't have a mental handicap. I don't like the government telling me what I can and cannot do."
But overturning the 1989 law will be a tall order. Cara Egan, vice president of public relations for Little People of America called Flood's lawsuit a publicity stunt. "There are plenty of other ways for him to make a fool out of himself that are legal," she said.
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Fiery Pagan Ritual Leaves Young Woman Out in the Cold
ENFIELD, Connecticut - Maybe instead of a cauldron, this aspiring witch should keep a fire extinguisher handy.
Mary Palmieri is now homeless after she allowed her pagan friends to perform a ritual in her house to "burn her troubles away."
The witchcraft ritual involved burning a piece of paper with Mary's problems written on it. The flames got out of control and set fire to the house.
Mary's bedroom was gutted and the house suffered extensive smoke and water damage. Mary says next time she will talk to her priest instead.
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Ladies of the Evening Have Their Day in Court
The world's oldest profession has won limited approval from the European Union's highest court. The Court of Justice in Luxembourg has ruled that a group of Eastern European women has the right to work as prostitutes in the Netherlands.
The case involved 6 Polish, Czech women who work as window prostitutes in Amsterdam. They're denied residence permits that would've allowed them to work on a self-employed basis, on the grounds that prostitution is not a regular job or a profession.
The court said prostitutes could work in EU countries where selling sex is tolerated - if they have sufficient financial resources for carrying out their activity and a reasonable chance of success.
According to the ruling, prostitution in a self-employed capacity can be regarded as "a service provided for remuneration."
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Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives
Americans Attack "Swastika" Pokemon
CORTLANDT, N.Y. - Nintendo will stop making a Pokemon card featuring a reverse image of a swastika due to pressure from the Anti-Defamation League.
The manji is an ancient Asian symbol of good fortune rooted in Buddhist culture, but the boys in Japan failed to consider the impact a symbol so closely resembling Nazi Germany's flag would have on American buyers.
The irony is that the original, Japanese-language cards were not even meant for the U.S. market. Collectors were so eager to get their hands on them, many cards were imported without Nintendo's approval, the company said.
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A young boy of four was going into hospital to have his tonsils removed. He told his playmate I'll be gone for awhile I have to have surgery. On the day he was admitted his mother asked Dr. could you please circumcise him while he is asleep.
The Dr. agreed. The boy woke up and was very sore down there for several days.
After about a week he got to see his playmate again. The playmate informed him that he was also going to have to have his tonsils out soon. He asked him to tell him about the surgery.
The little boy replied 'all I can tell you is your tonsils ain't where you think they are.'
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DDL
Young claustrophobe Jenny shuns houses,
And also bras, panties and blouses.
And, for a small fee,
I'll let you come see
Her, out in the field where the cows is
There was a young lady named Nell
Whose panties were holey as hell.
She complained, "When I fart,
My shoes fall apart,
And my ankles ocasionally swell."
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"Well, I can wear heels now." -Nicole Kidman about ex-husband Tom Cruise, on The Late Show with David Letterman
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"It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one." --Phil White
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"I told [GM] Roland Hemond to go out and get me a big name pitcher. He said, 'Dave Wehrmeister's got 11 letters. Is that a big enough name for you ?'" --Eddie Eichorn, White Sox owner
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Hey Martha (true)
Tuesday, January 22, 2002
Wisconsin man makes Eagle Scout - at 72
RACINE, Wis. (AP) -- Burton Watring is finally an Eagle Scout -- at 72.
Watring was honored Saturday at a Boy Scouts of America ceremony, where he was given a badge usually reserved for 18-year-olds.
According to the rules, a scout must earn 21 merit badges and fulfill other requirements by the age of 18. If a scout doesn't complete the tasks by that time, he cannot become an Eagle Scout.
Watring fulfilled the requirements but was diagnosed with polio in 1945 and was never awarded his Eagle badge.
"I had complete paralysis, everything except my arms. It took me two years to get back on my feet," he said. "You work long and hard to accomplish all this and it's just an added reward."
Watring was inspired after reading a newspaper story about an elderly Illinois man who received his Eagle Scout badge under similar circumstances.
On display at Saturday's ceremony were some of Watring's original paper badges from the '40s. "My good mother, she hung on to all this stuff for me," he said.