Daily Dose - 020126 - Welsh wolf, Real Resignation Letters, Neiman Markus Cookie Recipe E-mail Retaliation, DDL, Hey Martha
Welsh wolf trapped
On the border of England and Wales there's this small forest that's managed by a couple of wardens, one from England and one from Wales.
Whilst patrolling the forest one day, the English warden comes across a wolf caught in a trap. Immediately he returns to his office and phones the Welsh warden and tells him that one of his wolves is caught in a trap.
"How do you know it's one of our wolves?" asks the Welsh warden.
"Well," replies the English warden, "He's already chewed off three of his legs, and he's still trapped."
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Real Resignation Letters
The Resignation Letter of Mr. CF of Newcastle, United Kingdom
Why did you resign? The voices gave me a kick in the right direction.
What are you going to do next? Roam the planet in search of rogue follicles.
Job Title Sales Director
Industry Radio
What is your salary expectation? Below £15,000
Dear O,
I’m resigning. The voices have told me to. It was also the voices that told me to bury the photocopier and shave the accountant. However, the graffiti and general vandalism in the stationery cupboard was all my own idea - I don’t like being left out.
I have to branch out to the wider world, and there is much fallow earth that needs to be tilled, and seeded, in the hinterlands of our Mother Earth. Wish me luck in my quest to plant my pole in each continent, and raise a flag proclaiming my silent conquests!!!
Anyway, thanks for the good times and the stray hairs that have made my collection so worthwhile.
Yours truly,
B L
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The Resignation Letter of Ms. SUZ of Austin, United States
Why did you resign? Was about to enter the final conflict with management.
What are you going to do next? Work independently
Job Title Counselor
Industry Medical
What is your salary expectation? £15,000 - £20,000
re: Resignation and unconditional surrender
Dear faceless corporate entity:
As you are doubtless unaware, many of your corporate decisions over the past few years seem to be guided by a confusing mix of one part tidal forces, one part astrology, and one part the mad ravings of some of our institutionalized clients. Many of your former staff have elected not to accompany you in your corporate journey of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. I intend to join them.
Please accept this letter as official notification of my resignation. This letter serves as four weeks notice, with my last day in the office being 28 February 1997. Please note that my last day of work will commence immediately. As you have continued to suck the life from me for the last four years, I'll continue to suck a paycheck from you for the next four weeks.
I have valued my tenure with this office (but the fact that I no longer do so is why I'm leaving). I wish you continued success in your goals to turn vibrant, productive, dedicated employees into an aimless, shambling group of dry, lifeless husks.
Respectfully submitted,
********
The Resignation Letter of Mr. PF of Edinburgh, United Kingdom
Why did you resign? The big cheese never took any notice of me.
What are you going to do next? Become a big cheese.
Job Title Advertising Manager
Industry Insurance
What is your salary expectation? Above £100,000
Dear Mr Big,
This is the first time I have communicated with you and hopefully it will be the last.
In the 47 years that I've been employed in this company, our paths have rarely crossed - in fact they never have, unless we include the odd journey in the lift; you wouldn't have noticed me as you are always surrounded by a phalanx of yes-men who even accompanied you to the gents. Do you remember when some fool splashed your shoes in October '78? Me.
So it gives me great pleasure to resign as of today.
Yours
MM.
PS: Since writing this I have fortuitously won the lottery and have bought the company. Therefore I will be expecting your resignation today.
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The Neiman Markus Cookie Recipe E-mail Retaliation
One day, I was walking along the sidewalk when I saw a small boy sitting in his yard making mud pies.
I remarked, "Those look pretty good."
"Yep," he said. "Wanna try one?"
I laughed and said, "No, but I would like to buy the recipe." I was feeling good and thought that would please the small boy.
He was pleased and said, "OK, I'll run into the house and write it for you and it will only be 5."
Well, 5 cents to please a small boy was fine with me so I said, "Do it." He soon came running back out and handed me the recipe. I started to hand him the nickel but he wouldn't take it and started yelling for his mom.
His mom came outside and asked what I was doing to her son. I started explaining about the deal. When I was through, she glared at me and said, " It's 5 dollars, not 5 cents."
Well, the kid was crying now, the neighbors were coming out of their houses and were staring at me, so I took out a 5 dollar bill and threw it at the kid, grabbed the recipe and walked away.
After a few steps, I turned around and said, "This is a rip off and I am going to share this recipe with everyone I know."
Well, the kid cried louder and the mother said, "I wish you wouldn't do that."
"Too late for that, lady." I said.
So here it is, folks. One free mudpie recipe. Enjoy!
One cup dirt, sifted.
One cup water.
Mix well and spread on a paper plate. Makes one.
Feel free to pass this on
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DDL
Clinton just had to meet her;
He thought that no one was sweeter.
They had sex on the phone,
And when they were alone,
They played games like 'Swallow the Leader'.
While in Brisbane, he happened to blunder
On the reason girls there are fecunder:
They've stock genitalia,
But girls in Australia,
Every day of their lives, are down under!
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A bar patron ordered a Manhattan. When served there was a piece of parsley floating in the glass.
"What in the world is this?" asked the man.
The bartender replied, "Central Park."
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A senator's fear
WASHINGTON--Dec-5--(CongressDaily) "My biggest concern in the 107th Congress is that Bill Clinton will be with my wife in the Senate spouses club."
- Sen. Gordon Smith, R-Ore., speaking last Friday at a meeting of the Westside Economic Alliance in Washington County, Ore.
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Hey Martha (true)
Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Ravioli used to threaten clerk
NATRONA HEIGHTS, Pa. (AP) -- A man allegedly attempted to rob a store by intimidating the clerk with a can of ravioli in his pocket.
Thomas Rokosky, 26, allegedly entered a corner store in Harrison Township on Aug. 31 and showed the clerk that he had something wrapped in his shirt. He demanded money, but walked out empty handed, said township police Chief Mike Klein.
"The only thing visible was a can of ravioli," Klein said. "The clerk was too scared and couldn't open the register."
Rokosky wasn't arrested until he tried to rob a pharmacy on Sept. 6, police said. He allegedly demanded money from the cashier, but ran away when the cashier called for help.
Rokosky has been charged with two counts of criminal attempt of robbery.