Daily Dose - 020121 - statue of the naked man, BIZARRE NEWS, huge guy marries a tiny girl, awkward question, DDL, Hey Martha
Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second, "Oh My! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?"
The second old lady replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! My gosh the penis on it was so large!"
Where upon the first old lady accidentally blurted out, "...Yeah, and cold, too!"
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BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Online Catalogs
The Dark At The End Of The Bong, by Bob Newland
Your Friend, The Computer Hacker, by Carolyn Meinel
Industrial Hemp: Fiber, Food and Fuel for the Future, by Chris Conrad
How I Invented Soft-Core Pornography, by Paul Krassner,
Masturbational Insanity, by Th. Metzger
The Living Dead: New Identities In The New Age, by John Q. Newman
Destroy all Goo-Goos, by Th. Metzger
How to Throw Profitable College House Parties, by Greg Heitz
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Woman Displays True Holiday Spirit and Wins $10,000
ROSEDALE, Minnesota - Kathleen Healy was minding her own business as she tried on jeans at Marshall Field's. When she entered the dressing room, she found a money clip full of cash. Though she could see a $50 and $100 bill, she didn't count it all because "it wasn't my money," she said.
She then gave the wad to the clerk and refused any reward. The sales clerk "screamed and said 'Oh, a customer's been looking all over for this.'"
The frantic customer burst into tears of relief when they returned the cash to her, but Healy still refused a reward.
The sales clerk insisted she take a box of Marshall Field's signature chocolates, Frango Mints. When Healy opened the box, a note was enclosed indicating she had won $10,000. As part of their "Win a Mint" game.
"I've never won anything before. I've never won a toaster," the ecstatic winner said. Now she can BUY as many toasters as she wants.
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Leave Me A Clone
In an announcement that will certainly add more fuel to the ongoing debate over human cloning and stem cell research, scientists say they have successfully closed human embryonic tissue.
The experts, working in a lab in Massachusetts, say they have not cloned tissue that will become a human, but have been able to replicate stem cell tissue for use in research. The breakthrough is important since it allows for a larger amount of stem cells to be used without using additional fetal tissue.
Before the events of 9/11 suddenly captured the attention of the media and the efforts of the White House, the use of fetal stem cells in an effort to find cures for human ailments was one of the most fiercely debated topics in the country.
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Robber Causes Double Trouble for Wisconsin Police
ST. CROIX FALLS, Wisconsin - This Minnesota man obviously wanted a few items from Wal-mart in the worst way. Why else would he have burglarized the St. Croix police station and retrieved the items that officers had just confiscated from him.
Prosecutors have charged 36-year-old James Casarez of Willernie, Minn., with felony burglary, retail theft and resisting an officer.
Minnesota authorities discovered Casarez was wanted in Wisconsin while he was jailed in that state on charges of burglarizing a sporting cards store. Extradition proceedings are currently under way to bring Casarez back to Wisconsin.
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'Tis the Season...for Fraud
SAN FRANCISCO, California - William Arnold Muniz, 40, needed some extra money for the holidays, so he poured over newspapers from across the country.
He found a part-time job alright. He purposely looked for notices from pet owners seeking their lost felines and pooches. He then contacted the pet owners and said he located their pets but needed cash for the animals' medical treatment and airline costs to return them.
He swindled $900 out of a pet owner in Portland, Oregon, for his yellow Labrador retriever, and a Denver woman forked over $172 to retrieve her lost cat.
Of course Muniz never had the animals and has since plead guilty to fraud.
He can be fined up to $500,000 and may be sentenced to a maximum of 10 years in prison.
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Bank Robber Arrested on 'Account' of Stupidity
NEW YORK - The winner of the most stupid criminal of the week goes to...Jack Schreiner of New York!
The 30-year-old pulled a smooth move when he wanted to open a bank account - at the same bank he robbed four days prior.
Schreiner reportedly walked away with almost $8000 from the Chase Manhattan bank in New York. When he returned to open the account, one of the clerks recognized him from one of the surveillance tapes she had seen and notified security.
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Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives
Kiwis Elect World's First Transsexual Legislator
Sex scandals can cripple an American politician's career, but in New Zealand the voters are far more forgiving.
Last Saturday a tall, male-to-female transsexual and former prostitute was elected to Parliament.
Georgina Beyer, born George Bertrand in 1957, realized early in childhood that he had a girl's soul trapped in a masculine body. At the age of 17 he attended a drag show and afterwards burned all his apparel and took a female name. Hormone tablets made Beyer's bosom blossom as he/she embarked on a transvestite hooker/stripper career.
In 1984 she finally "made the cut" with a sex-change operation.
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A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, "How the hell do the two of you have sex?"
The big guy says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down."
His friend says, "You know, that doesn't sound too bad."
The big guy says, "Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I've got somebody to talk to now!"
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At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:
"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
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DDL
There once was a fiesty young terrier
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
He'd yip and he'd yap,
Then leap up and snap;
And the fairer the derriere the merrier.
With the police still hot on his trail.
He was tempted by fanny for sale.
So the crook went to bed,
With a price on his head,
And a girl with a price on her tail!
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"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."
-F. P. Jones
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A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house."
"Not in the House," her husband says. "Perhaps in the Senate, my dear, but not in the House."
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Hey Martha (true)
Tuesday, October 30, 2001
Football team accused of using Pam
DENVER (AP) -- A defending state champion football team is accused of using some slick tactics.
High school athletic officials said Loveland players smeared their uniforms with the nonstick slick cooking spray Pam and must address the issue before the team can proceed in the playoffs in defense of its title.
"It's something I've never come across. I've talked to officials, and they said it doesn't happen a lot," said Bill Reader, associate commissioner of the Colorado High School Activities Association.
Officials determined that the spray was put on their uniforms Friday during a 20-12 Northern League defeat of Greeley Central.
"I don't know if it altered the outcome of the game, but they were a little more difficult to block and tackle," said Steve Burch, Greeley Central head coach.
There are no grounds for a forfeit, Reader said, but the use of the substance violated the national rule that bans the alteration of game jerseys.
Loveland athletic director Devin Anderson said school officials were working on an appropriate response.
"In high school sports we're supposed to be teaching the lessons of life. I guess competition brings out the best and worst in people," Burch added.