Daily Dose - 020120 - Sonia's collection

Here're a collection from Sonia - in Ahmadi...

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex.

She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship,and finally decided to purchase some Crotchless underwear she had seen in a novelty shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned her crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television and suggestively tossed one leg up on his armchair.

"Want some of this?" she purred.

"Are you kidding?", he replied, "Look what it did to those panties!"

________________________

A corrupt Minister always wrote NOT APPROVED on all the papers that were sent to him by his assistants. He always left a significant space between NOT and APPROVED. When the affected persons suitably greased his palms, he would recall the files and just add an E: after NOT so that it became NOTE: APPROVED.

This was the beginning of E Business....in India.

________________________

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie.

The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything that you want."

The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka that he has ever tasted.

The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly." She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, that it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka that she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.

The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.

Finally, Friday night comes and the Russian tells his wife to grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka. She gets the glass but asks him "Boris, why do we only need one glass?"

Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight my love, you drink from the bottle."

_________________________

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies." God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll have to wait 9 months, though. You got pregnant last night !! "

_________________________

Did you know there are different types of orgasms?
They are:

The positive orgasm: "Oh yes, Ohh yesss, OH YESSSS!"

The negative orgasm: "Oh no, Ohh nooo, OH NOOO!"

The spiritual orgasm: "Oh god, Ohh goddd, OH GODDD!"

The fake orgasm: "Oh Rajeev, Ohh Rajeeeev, Oh Raajeeeeeeeev!!!!!

The Indian Classical Orgasm : 'Nahi Nahiiii Nahii....'

The Rock 'n' Roll orgasm : 'O Baby, O baby.... O baby'

The Heavy Metal Orgasm : 'Cmmon Honey, Go Johnny, Yeah Baby, Deeper Honey, Comin baby, EEEEaaahh, EEyyyeEAAh, Yeeeaah..'

The instrumental orgasm : 'Ooonnnh, ooOOONNNNh, eeeEEEeAAAAaoOOhh'

The Alternative Orgasm : 'O Shit O Fuck OShiiit O Fuck ohShhhhhiiit...'

And Finally... The Tamil Orgasm : Aiyooo Aiyooooooooohhh

__________________________

A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: An English girl !!!The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you."

"And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?"

"What I asked for: the English girl?!"

"Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl !!

___________________________

A very 'straight and honest'village girl is going to Kuala Lumpur. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice. Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match there,you must take note of the following the requirements Mother set for you.

You must find a man that is faithful, not spendthrift and must be a virgin. With these advice from her mother, the girl went to Town.

After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her mother's blessings to marry. "Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day,he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around". Isn't that being faithful?". Her mother nodded in agreement.>

"Then, since it was beginning to get late and was raining and was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only".

"Isn't he not spendthrift guy?" For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.

"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".

"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with trepidition.

"MMM...his 'that one' is still New......wrapped up in plastic, mum!"

The Mum fainted. ...............

___________________________

Four insurance companies are in competition. One comes up with the slogan "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."

The Second one tries to improve on that with "Coverage from the womb to the tomb."

Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with "From the sperm to the worm."

The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with "From the erection to the resurrection."

___________________________

There was this boy in high school that was what you would consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement of his home and one night he came up and said "Dad look what I made." So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of soil and instantly grass started to grow.

Of course his dad was really impressed with this and asked his son if he can make something to make his p***s grow.

His son thought for a minute and said that if he did, then dad would have to buy him a convertible. Dad agreed.

The next night the son came out of the basement and gave his dad a vial. The next morning his father came to him and told him that he had something to show him. They went to the front yard and the boy saw a cherry red Ferrari.

The son looked at his dad and said "I only asked for a convertible."

The dad replied "the convertible is in the garage. The Ferrari is from your mother."

___________________________

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma.

One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma.

The young girl was frantic.Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?"

Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes.

When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"

___________________________

A man goes to visit his grandpa in hospital. "How are you grandpa? he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge.

"What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving a 95-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely, that can't be true?"

"Oh,yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."