Daily Dose 010610 - merits of their respective aircraft, BIZARRE NEWS, arithmetic, filthiest balls, DDL, Hey Martha

A couple of F-15's are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk comes around to the relative merits of their respective aircraft.

The fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth, and pointed out the Hercules deficiencies in these areas.

After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah? Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about."

Naturally, the fighter pilots challenge him to demonstrate.

"Just watch," comes the quick retort.

And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continue to fly straight and level...

After several minutes the Hercules pilot comes back on the air, "There! How was that?"

The fighter pilots reply, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

And the Hercules pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, and got a cup of coffee."

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BIZARRE NEWS.....

Bizarre Trivia

Over 2,500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

Astronauts cannot cry. In space, there is no gravity, so the tears can't flow.

A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.

Percentage of Americans that want to change their bodies in some way: 75%. Percentage of Americans that would want to change their intelligence: 13%.

A person who is lost and starving can obtain nourishment by chewing on his shoes, provided they are made of leather.

An igloo will stand up to modern artillery better than a concrete barricade. Additionally, the are almost invisible from the air and can't be spotted by infrared sensors.

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You Have Reached Spot's Stomach. No One Is Available...

MOMBASSA, Kenya - Kamal Shah lost his mobile phone. Most people would search their homes, cars or workplaces. In fact, Shah thought he had left it on his bedside table and presumed his son had taken it.

However, the phone turned up in the unlikeliest spot.

When he called the mobile number from his regular line, his dog's stomach started ringing.

The event was so unexpected Shah commented, "It sent me into shock."

The German Shepherd named Snoopy had swallowed it. During an operation, the phone was removed.

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Better Than Being King For a Day

KATMANDU, Nepal - Goddess needed. More specifically, a kumari.

This one very special person is revered by both the Hindus and Buddhists of Nepal, who believe she has blessed the king and 22 million people of this Himalayan nation with peace and prosperity.

The kumari must be 5 years old or under and willing to live in palatial accommodations, receive round-the-clock personal service and public adoration.

The only problem is that once the kumari reaches puberty the blessing moves on to another child and the old kumari is kicked out of the palace.

This practice has left the former goddess, Rashmila Shakya, woefully unequipped to cope with the real world.

In light of her experience, and that of others before her, fewer parents are eager for their daughters to be goddesses. They'd rather the girls got an education and a well-paid job.

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Baaaaad Lamb Shoots Sleeping Shepard

SIDI BARRANI, Egypt - Next time you lay down to take a nap among your flock of sheep, make sure none of them have a grudge against you.

Egyptian shepherd Mokhtar Adam Fadl should have followed this advice for he was shot dead - by one of his own sheep while he slept.

According to the police, the animal killed Fadl by kicking his gun and accidentally firing it. The shot hit the slumbering sheep herder in the chest.

The gun was reportedly confiscated. No arrests were made.

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Piranha Preparation Proves to be Painful Practice

Hong Kong - Here's how not to kill a flesh eating fish.

Tsang Kin-keung reportedly imported live piranha from a market, and left them to die on the floor of his home in Hong Kong before eating them.

Neglecting to make sure that the carnivorous fish was actually dead, Kin-keung picked one up and was bit on the finger.

The 45-year-old gourmet had to be taken to the hospital for treatment.

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Woman Believes Cure For AIDS Is No Bull

CAMBODIA - A 47-year-old woman has been arrested in Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia, for allegedly selling cow dung as a cure-all for many illnesses such as A.I.D.S.

According to police, the woman instructed consumers on how to apply the product.

The muck would cure the various illnesses if the person mixed it with water and then either drank it or sprinkled it on his or her body.

Local journalist Rasmei Kampuchea has further information. One Cambodian legend relates an instance when the spirits of two brothers took the form of a person and a cow. According to Kampuchea, the woman claims she and the "sacred cow" were possessed in this manner.

And that's no bull.

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"If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

"One quarter." answered little Johnny

"You don't know your arithmetic." said the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my father."

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During a routine physical, a doctor tells his patient to drop his pants.

After the examination, the doctor says to the man, "You have the filthiest balls I've ever seen!"

The guy goes home to his wife and says, "I want to talk to you about something."

She replies, "Not now, I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to wipe my ass!"

He says, "That's what I want to talk to you about."

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DDL

Said the bank teller, "Sorry, Miss Munn,
As a callgirl you've just been outdone
By a client named Beck,
Who's rescinded his check
On the grounds of inadequate fun!"

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Movie shorts

Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

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"Men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your weiner, you're acting directly on its behalf."

- Skylar (Minnie Driver) in Good Will Hunting

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"These are American components you can't work them" - American astronaut.

"American Components, Russian Compunents, They're all made in Taiwan" - Russian Astronaut, Armageddon

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Hey Martha (true)

Friday, May 25, 2001

Woman wins lawsuit against hypnotist

LONDON (AP) -- A woman who said a stage hypnotist turned her into a "zombie" and drove her to attempt suicide won her lawsuit Friday.

Lynn Howarth told London's High Court that her problems began when she was hypnotized by Philip Green at a social club in northwestern England in 1994.

"I went to that stage show as a normal, happy, healthy, energetic woman and came out a zombie," she told the court.

Howarth, 40, said an age-regression skit in Green's act reawakened memories of sexual abuse by an uncle when she was eight. She said she later suffered from panic attacks and depression and twice attempted suicide.

"It was like the worst possible hangover magnified 100 times -- a continuous throbbing sensation and it was there for months and months and it never lifted," Howarth said.

Green, whose stage name is Phil Damon, said he asked Howarth and another volunteer to imagine being children but not to recall their own childhoods.

"You don't know what's in people's personal childhoods," he said. "It could be anything that happened in the past -- any sort of trauma could be brought to the surface."

But Judge Brian Leveson agreed that Green's suggestion caused Howarth "to regress to an age when she was sexually abused and, as a result, suffer depressive illness."

Green agreed to pay $9,000 US in damages.