Daily Dose - 010604 - large family, BIZARRE NEWS, Baltimore Beltway, exchange generals, DDL, Hey Martha
The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby.
"When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them. Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us."
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BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre International Laws
MISCELLANEOUS
In China, you must be intelligent in order to go to college.
In Denmark, no one may start a car while someone is underneath the vehicle.
In France, no pig may be addressed as Napoleon by its owner.
In Israel, picking your nose is illegal.
In Norway, you may not spay your female dog or cat. However, you may neuter the males of the species.
In Scotland, it is illegal to be drunk and in possession of a cow.
In Sweden, while prostitution is legal, it is illegal for anyone to use the services of a prostitute.
In Thailand, it is illegal to leave your house if you are not wearing underwear.
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Russian Woman Blows Chance For Breakfast in Bed
RUSSIA - A 30-year-old Russian couple will think twice from now on before having "sausage" with their pancakes.
The woman was evidentially performing oral sex on her boyfriend while he was frying pancakes in their kitchen.
The tragedy occurred when he dropped the cast-iron pan on her head. The intense pain caused her to involuntarily grit her teeth. As a result, the man is being treated for severe bite wounds on his penis, while his partner suffered a concussion.
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Arsonist Gets Burned By Boasting About Fiery Deed
HAMBURG, New York - It is generally not a good idea to call a fire chief if you're an arsonist and have just started a fire.
Nichols Breidenstein did just that after allegedly setting fire to a shop in Hamburg, New York.
After the deed he tried to call a friend to boast about it, but accidentally dialed local fire chief Michael Guadango instead. According to Guadango he heard Breidenstein say, "Dude, it's lit. The whole corner's going."
It wasn't until then that he realized had just incriminated himself and is now facing arson charges.
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FAA Regulations Preclude Urinating in the Aisles of ---- All Domestic Flights
GREENSBORO, North Carolina - Walter Andrew Everhart, 36, conveniently claims he does not recall urinating in an aisle during an airline flight.
Everhart simultaneously took pain killers and drank alcohol, which supposedly caused him to black out.
A federal judge sentenced him to 19 months jail time for urinating and starting fights with other passengers.
Apparently Everhart also kicked the seat of a pregnant woman. The act was so violent that it threw her from the seat.
The defendant does not remember this either.
According to witnesses, it took half a dozen police officers to restrain him.
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Sex-Starved Pooch Pins Postman For Smooch
LOCH NESS, Scotland - It seems that the mythical Loch Ness Monster is not the only thing to be leery of in Scotland.
Postman Phil Rose was pinned to the ground by a 196 pound sexstarved Newfoundland dog named Bruno.
Rose, who is only 154 pounds himself, was attacked by the amorous pooch while making a delivery to the Lock Inn pub. Bruno's owner, James MacLennan, witnessed the "attack" from an upstairs window, but said he was laughing too much to rescue him.
"Before Phil could get up, Bruno was on top of him, his legs wrapped round him, furiously licking his face - and a good bit more besides," laughed MacLennan.
About 10 minutes later he managed to get the pooch off him and sped off in his van.
"I must really try and get Bruno a girlfriend," MacLennan concluded.
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The Future Crocodile Hunter?
AUSTRALIA - Steve Irwin listen up, there could be a new "Crocodile Hunter" in the ranks.
Sam West, 12, reportedly escaped the jaws of a fourteen foot crocodile by biting its nose and gouging its eye with his fingers. West claims he learned this technique by watching the feature film "Deep Blue Sea," where a swimmer escaped from a shark by stabbing it in the eye with a cross.
The attack happened while Sam was snorkeling in North West Australia.
Crocodile expert Graham Webb stated that the boy was lucky to be alive, because the croc could have gone into what is known as a 'death roll' and drowned the boy before he had a chance to fight it off.
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The Baltimore Beltway (I-695) is a four lane Interstate Highway well known for coming to a complete halt during rush hours.
The other week, a motorist stuck his head out the window and yelled, "Let me through, I have important information about the upcoming election for President Ford."
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America and Israel struck a deal to bolster each others Armies. The Israelis said they would like to exchange three generals for three generals.
The Americans agreed, stating they wanted an IDF General to teach tactics, an armor General to teach desert warfare, and a Mossad General to teach espionage.
The Israelis replied and said they wanted General Electric, General Motors, and General Dynamics.
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DDL
A well hung lad from outside Seattle
had a thing about romancing cattle,
He saw a young cow
and thought her a wow,
but so did the bull, hence the battle!
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Posted at a local golf course:
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.=20
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.
Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.
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The sex life of the camel
Is more mysterious than anyone thinks.
One night, in a fit of passion,
It tried to dishonour the sphinx.
But the sphinx's posterior passage
Was blocked by the sands of the Nile
Which accounts for the hump on the camel
And the sphinx's unscrupulous smile.
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a Note from the Professor:
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
English Professor, Ohio University
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Hey Martha (true)
Wednesday, April 25, 2001
Love letter finally arrives
Lost in post office for 46 years
By JUSTIN PRITCHARD -- The Associated Press
SAN FRANCISCO -- Nearly a half-century ago, James Bracy scrawled four pages of love-laced prose to his young wife, dropped the letter at the post office on his Army base, and forgot about it.
So, too, did the U.S. Postal Service.
Last month, 46 years later, the letter was finally delivered.
"It meant a lot to me then. It means even more now," Sallie Bracy, now 68, said Tuesday from her home in Chesapeake, Va.
The letter, dated Jan. 28, 1955, had been lodged between two walls in a mail room at Ford Ord, a decommissioned base about 80 miles south of San Francisco.
Last month, a construction crew dismantling the building found the letter, along with four others written by members of the Army's 41st Signal Battalion. The crew turned the bundle over to Bob Spadoni, the postmaster in nearby Monterey. He sent the mail to Virginia, Texas, Wisconsin and California.
"Even if somebody passed away, the next of kin would love to read it," Spadoni said. "They're little time capsules."
Bracy's letter had six cents of postage on it but no zip code -- since that system didn't exist in 1955.
After some sleuthing, the post office in Norfolk, Va., tracked down Sallie Bracy.
The couple just celebrated their 50th anniversary, but the letter sent her heart aflutter, tears welled, and she again became a love-struck 22-year-old.
"I told our kids they could read the first two pages, but the last two are mine," she joked Tuesday. "We were still a little young then."