Daily Dose - 010603 - bad back, BIZARRE NEWS, pajamas, dorm, DDL, Hey Martha
Tony and I were talking one day when Tony says, "I went to see the doctor the other day for that pain in my back."
"So what happened?" I asked.
"Well, he ran a bunch of tests, gave me some pills and sent me home. Told me to stay in bed for a week. He also told me to sit down whenever I had to pee. Can you imagine that? A grown man having to sit to pee?"
"Why would he want you to sit to pee?" I asked
"Well", said Tony, "With my bad back, he doesn't want me picking up anything too big."
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BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Sexually Suggestive Town Names
Intercourse, Alabama
Bald Knob, Arkansas
Clapper Gap, California
Rough and Ready, California
Climax, Colorado
Blue Ball, Delaware
Cumming, Georgia
French Lick, Indiana
Beaver Lick, Kentucky
Eros, Louisiana
Assawoman Bay, Maryland
Gay Head, Massachusetts
Conception, Missouri
Square Butt, Montana
Horneytown, N. Carolina
Bowlegs, Oklahoma
Oral, S. Dakota
Humptulips, Washington
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Drunken Aussie Gets In Trouble With The Heat--Twice
BRISBANE, Australia - Common sense tells us that gasoline is a volatile substance and should be kept away from an open flame. However, a 40-year-old drunken Australian man must have been lacking in that department for he blew himself in the air after lighting a cigarette while filling a gas can.
The petrol exploded, his car burst into flames and the man was blown 15 feet through the air.
To add insult to injury the he came crashing to earth on a nest of angry ants.
According to the police, the man only suffered minor burns and did not require hospital treatment. He was later charged with drunk-driving, driving without a license and driving an unregistered vehicle.
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Scientist Looks to Beat the Carp Out of Wisconsin's Lakes
MADISON, Wisconsin - A scientist at the University of Wisconsin is finding a way to "beat the carp" out of the disposable diaper industry.
Srinivasan Damodaran has patented a process that turns ground-up fish into an absorbent, biodegradable gel that can be used in diapers.
A regular disposable diaper reportedly contain a crystal or powder that absorbs 100 times its own weight in water whereas Damodaran claims his product absorbs 400 times its weight.
In addition, the fish-based gel deteriorates in landfills within 28 days, while most diaper gels made from petroleum usually break down much more slowly.
Wisconsin officials say they are hoping the product is successful because their waterways are overpopulated with carp.
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Death By Train or Snake?
NORIAS, Texas - Where is the best place to sleep outdoors in Texas? One would think it would not be actually "on" a set of train tracks, but apparently several illegal aliens and homeless people had that exact idea.
The belief is that poisonous snakes will not cross over the tracks.
Six alleged illegal aliens were hiding from the reptiles one night when a freight train passed through the area. Spokeswoman for the Border Control Letty Garza said, "The train crew saw some debris on the tracks. The next split-second they saw heads raise up, and then six people were killed instantly."
On the plus side, no snake bites were discovered on the bodies.
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Birds to be Charged with Flying Under the Influence
REDDING, California - Flocks of drunken birds have ruffled many motorists' feathers along Interstate 5 in California.
The birds had apparently been eating the parneyi cotoneaster berry, a fermenting fruit that gives birds an alcohol buzz.
While "flying under the influence," our feathered friends frequently collide with car windshields and crash into the pavement, leaving a trail of bird carcasses all over the highway.
California Highway Patrol spokesman Monty Hite chided, "They're not buying into the 'designated flier' program, either, and the T-shirts don't fit them.
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Not All Criminal Cases Are Black and White
BOSTON - They were supposed to be looking for a WHITE man named James M. Parker who was 30 YEARS OLD (they had a sketch) but instead found themselves a 55 YEAR OLD BLACK man named James E. Parker and this, apparently, was close enough.
Parker says they wouldn't listen when he tried telling them they had the wrong man.
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Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives
When Dropping Names Doesn't Help
BLUE ISLAND, IL - Damage estimated at $1,500 was visited upon the 1991 Buick Regal of a local resident when his two girlfriends discovered his duplicity and decided to teach him a lesson.
The local Romeo may have learned something about the game of love from the incident, but the two ladies definitely learned something about police procedure.
After a brief investigation, the names "Adrian" and "Carmella" were found scratched into the car's paint job, leading to two speedy arrests.
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Looking for something different for my sister's birthday, I decided on a pair of pajamas made up of bright scenic prints of the natural wonders of the world. I wrapped them up and sent them off. I just received this email from her...
"Dear Sis," she wrote. "I don't mind having '12,948 feet high' indicated on my bosom, but I thoroughly resent 'greatest natural span' across my bottom!"
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When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant.
Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, "Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!"
It was then he realized we'd removed the drainpipe beneath the sink.
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DDL
There was a young fellow named Keith,
Who liked to be fondled beneath.
It was fun, he decided,
But only provided
The girl used her lips, not her teeth.
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trivia shorts
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
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More money is spent world wide on Chicago Bulls merchandise then the entire economy of New Zealand.
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Termites eat wood twice as fast if you play loud music.
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Hey Martha (true)
Monday, November 6, 2000
Crazed ram kills couple
CHINA GROVE, N.C. (AP) -- A 250-pound ram fatally mauled an elderly couple as they fed and watered their flock of sheep, authorities said.
Carl and Mary Beaver were attacked Sunday in a pasture outside China Grove.
Mrs. Beaver, 80, whose injuries included a broken leg and head trauma, died at the scene, sheriff's Lt. John Sifford said. Her 84-year-old husband died early Monday at Northeast Medical Center.
Investigators and relatives said the ram, acquired only a few weeks ago, may have been trying to protect ewes during mating season.
"All indications pointed to the ram," Sifford said. "He had blood on his head as well as his back."
Mrs. Beaver's niece, Zetta Earnhardt, said family members went to check on the couple after they failed to show up at another relative's house. Family members have not decided what to do with the ram.