Daily Dose - 010526 - sixty-nining, Real Resignation Letters, argument, Parachute Club, DDL, Hey Martha
Ole and Lena are sixty-nining when Ole says, "Leena did you know there is 117,000 musk-ox in Alaska?"
Lena says, "No, I didn't, gee, you're smart".
Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are 482,000 grizzly bears living in Alaska?" Lena says, "No I didn't. Gee, you¹re smart.
Ole says, "Lena, did you know there is over 2,000,000 caribou living in Alaska?" "No," says Lena, "how did you get so smart?" sort of wondering how this conversation came about in the middle of their sex play.
Ole says, "Remember last winter when we ran out of toilet paper and we had to use the pages out of magazines?"
"Yes, I remember," says Lena.
Ole says, "Well you still have page 63 of the National Geographic stuck to your ass."
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Real Resignation Letters....
The Resignation Letter of Mr. of Aberdeen, United Kingdom
Why did you resign? Because my job was terrible
What are you going to do next? Anything
Job Title reporter
Industry Media
What is your salary expectation? £15,000 - £20,000
Dear Editor, I would like to confirm my status as the latest rodent to vacate your increasingly leaky vessel. Yours,
**********
The Resignation Letter of Prof. GN of London, United Kingdom
Why did you resign? To save a collection of antique Koala teeth
What are you going to do next? I’m going to Australia to search for more authentic specimens
Job Title Curator
Industry Archaeology and History
What is your salary expectation? £25,000 - £30,000
Dear Bob
It is with both regret and sadness that I proffer my resignation to you today.
I have been thinking about this a lot and hope that you can digest the news with a measure of equanimity. Ever since our budget was eaten up last summer, I realise it has become more and more difficult to make ends meet. I tried to remain philosophical and optimistic about things.
However, having chewed over the problem, I knew that sooner or later you were you going to have to make some tough decisions to balance the books. I know you won't say it but maybe I was losing my cutting edge anyway and that perhaps, it was time for me to move on. By resigning now, I hope that there is enough money in the kitty to ensure that our rare collection of authentic Koala teeth dating from 1944, can still be polished regularly and kept in good working order.
Of course, keeping all of the pieces together in one place always enhances the value of any collection. So, I have also decided to give you back the two baby-koala incisors that you kindly fashioned into a necklace and presented me with in 1996 after 40 years of service. It is a bit of a wrench to give them up but I know it’s all in a good cause.
Finally, I should mention that I've decided to emigrate and join my nephew in Alice Springs. You have often heard me speak of him - he runs the orthodontist clinic there which caters, at this time, for humans only. I hope to find him some marsupial clients while I’m out there and see some original specimens in their natural habitat.
It’s been great knowing you Bob and I shall miss the old place. Try not to worry about next year’s expenditure too much. It’s about time our old friend the tooth fairy visited us again.
Kind regards,
Geoffrey
**********
The Resignation Letter of Ms. N/A of London, United Kingdom
Why did you resign? Impending birth
What are you going to do next? Bawl, poo, gurgle, puke.
Job Title Unborn infant
Industry Health & Beauty
What is your salary expectation? Below £15,000
Dear mother,
After nine months tenure as your unborn child, I feel it's high time to quit my current (foetal) position and head out into the real world. I should let you know now that events almost conspired to compel my departure last month, but I decided at the time that such a course of action would have been premature. My quarters have been somewhat cramped for a while now and I feel that I have been kept in the dark about, well, everything.
All that remains is to blow that thick white mucus out of my face holes and I'll be out of here. You'll probably have the last laugh as I scream my tiny fluid-filled lungs out when my arse is soundly slapped by an anonymous medic. I hope we will be able to maintain cordial relations over the next two decades or so.
Your sincerely,
?
PS I should let you know in confidence that my colleague Mr Placenta is likely to quit the womb shortly after my severance.
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A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
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A woman answers the phone in a busy office, "Good morning, Cleveland Parachute Club."
A startled man on the other end replied, "Excuse me, but isn't this the Cleveland Prostitute Club?"
"Oh no sir," came the embarrassed reply, "this is the Cleveland Parachute Club."
"Damn!" said the man. "I'm afraid I made a big mistake. Last week your salesman called and signed me up for two jumps a week."
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DDL
I know a tall Sunday school teacher,
Who wanted to screw the short preacher.
She flashed him some thigh,
But her pussy seemed high,
So he stood on a chair just to reach her.
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Remember: No tree is too big for a short dog to lift his leg on!
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Q: Why do managers sing when they take a dump ?
A: So they know which end to wipe when they're finished.
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Tattoo: A permanent reminder of temporary insanity
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Hey Martha (true)
Monday, February 26, 2001
Brain surgery blunder?
NEW YORK (AP) -- A hospital suspended two doctors for allegedly operating on the wrong side of a man's brain.
Another procedure was performed the next day to remove a potentially fatal blood clot, and the patient was listed in stable condition.
His CT scan was reportedly placed backward on the viewing screen before the original surgery.
The Long Island College Hospital in Brooklyn and the New York State Health Department are investigating.
"Well-established hospital policies were clearly violated," the hospital said Monday in a statement. "The incident was reported promptly to the appropriate regulatory agencies and the hospital will cooperate fully with their investigation."
The hospital declined to answer specific questions about the surgery, citing the pending investigation.
Drs. Rene Kotzen and Mike W. Chou are accused of mistakenly operating on the left side of Kevin Walsh's brain on Tuesday.
The next day, the second surgery was performed on the right side of Walsh's brain, and the doctors were suspended.
Kotzen, 44, was reported to have performed the operation. A lawyer for Chou, 37, said his client prepared the patient for the procedure, but was not present for the surgery.
Neither suspended doctor is reported to have any recent record of medical miscues.
"Yeah, it's weird," Walsh said. "I don't know much. They're still investigating. All I know is my head hurts."