Daily Dose - 010522 - Wrong Number, BIZARRE NEWS, amateur photographer, mother-in-law, funeral arrangements, DDL, Hey Martha
Wrong Number
It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I said.
A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?"
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored.
I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"
"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.
"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."
Silence on the other end... a confused silence.
"Is this Steve?"
My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.
So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"
"Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice.
I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00."
A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"
"The girl he went out with."
"I know that! I mean... who is she?"
"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?"
"Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"
She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?"
Apparently she wasn't.
"Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake."
"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home."
I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this..."
*Click*
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Holidays
FEBRUARY
February is... National Blah Buster Month,
February is... International Twit Award Month,
February 1 is... Serpent Day
February 3 is... Cordova Ice Worm Day
February 4 is... Create A Vacuum Day
February 16 is... Do A Grouch A Favor Day
February 17 is... Champion Crab Races Day
February 20 is... Hoodie Hoo Day
February 23 is... International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
February 25 is... Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt)
February 28 is... Public Sleeping Day
February 29 is... National Surf and Turf Day
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Funeral Director Gets Live One In The Sack
ASHLAND, Massachusetts - When emergency technicians found the the body of a 39-year-old woman slumped in a bathtub next to an empty bottle of sleeping pills, they assumed she was dead.
So did funeral director John Matarese to whom the apparent corpse was delivered in a body bag.
He revised his assessment when he heard gurgling noises coming from the bag.
"It scared me half to death," he said. "The girl was alive."
Police and emergency technicians were unable to detect any signs of life when they found the woman three and a half hours earlier. She apparently overdosed on pills, police said.
The state Department of Public Health is investigating to determine whether emergency workers acted properly.
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Bush Gets Divine Endorsement - Says California Man
WASHINGTON - Richard Weaver made news when he waltzed through security at George W. Bush's inauguration party to shake hands with the newly minted president. Now, in an interview from his Sacramento home, Weaver tells reporters that he was delivering a message from God and was granted a mystical ability to pass undetected.
"I see it as a miracle," said the self-proclaimed Christian minister. "I believe God makes me invisible to the security."
Capitol Police said that the trespasser at Bush's inauguration also pulled a similar stunt at President Clinton's second inauguration in 1997.
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Thief Takes Flying Leap and Lands in Long Arms of the Law
JASPER, Indiana - In an incredible coincidence of timing, a fleeing burglar took a giant leap of faith and landed right in the long arms of the law, literally.
Trent Carie, 21, was inside the Main Street Restaurant & Bar when a passing police officer spotted him and suspected a robbery was underway.
According to Sgt. Mike Fowler, Carie ran from the store and jumped over a tall fence only to land in the arms of another officer and a trooper who had just arrived at the scene.
Carie is believed to be the culprit of at least a dozen burglaries of several businesses in the area in recent weeks.
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Barnyard Bump and Grind Gets Neighbor's Goat
ALABAMA - A group of amorous barnyard animals have really gotten the goat of an irate Alabama woman.
Queenie Hollon is trying to get the city of Prattville to bring in the law because neighbor Horace Smith's amorous goats keep her up all night.
Smith doesn't feel that the goats are not causing problems and are very helpful with the upkeep of his lawn.
City politicians are drawing up a new rule to cover noise made by all animals after a vote to outlaw goats in the city limits fell short by one vote.
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Hungry Party-goer Gets Burned By Frozen Pastry
VIENNA - A hungry party-goer in Austria got in trouble with the Heat when he decided to defrost a frozen doughnut with a candle.
The 19-year-old fire starter evidentially was not satisfied with the snacks provided at the party he was attending at the Ferstl Palace in Vienna, so he began rummaging through the kitchen.
Upon finding a doughnut in the freezer and apparently with no microwave in sight, he brought the pastry into the living room to defrost it with a candle.
However, in the process he ignited a sofa and the blaze quickly spread to wood paneling. Some 600 guests were evacuated from the building without incident, however, the young man was injured as he tried unsuccessfully to extinguish the blaze before it could spread further.
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Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives
Brush With Vibrator Turns Tragic
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil - Okay folks, this is truly weird.
Alexandro Orozco, 48, came home one evening after a night out and caught his wife *cheating* on him.
But instead of finding her in the passionate embrace of another man, his wife was moaning to the self imposed pleasure of a recently purchased vibrator.
Orozco became enraged and strangled his wife. He is seeking leniency for the murder because of her *infidelity.*
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An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented "These are very good! You must have a good camera."
He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said "That was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots."
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Todd was in a bar looking very dejected.
His friend, Jill, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?"
"It's my mother-in-law," Todd replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her."
"Cheer up," Jill said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."
Yeah," Todd answered. "But I got mine pregnant."
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As the old man lies dying in the bedroom, out in the parlor the family discusses funeral arrangements. Son Gary says, "We'll make a real big thing out of it. We'll have five hundred people. We'll order fifty limos."
Daughter Grace says, "Why do you want to waste money like that? We'll have the family and maybe a few friends. One limo just for us."
They proceed. Grandson Jeff says, "We'll have lots of flowers. We'll surround him with dozens of roses and lilies, dozens and dozens."
Daughter Alice says, "What a waste! We'll have one little bouquet, that's enough."
Suddenly, the voice of the old man is heard, wafting weakly from the bedroom, "Why don't you get me my pants? I'll walk to the cemetery."
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DDL
Here's the tale of Benjamin Sneed:
Where others were two'd he was three'd;
When they unmasked it,
(Three balls in his basket),
He was voted "Most likely to Breed."
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Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work."
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Q. Did you hear about the Polish robber who held up a lawyer?
A. He lost $100.
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Jimmy Swaggert, Jim Bakker and Jessie Jackson are working on a book to be titled:
"Ministers Do More than Laypeople"
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Hey Martha (true)
Wednesday, March 21, 2001
Smelly sneaker contest brings award-winning stench
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) -- The smells wafting through Vermont's capital on the first day of spring were unmistakably seasonal -- melting snow, warm air, wet earth, and rotting sneakers.
Rebekah Fahey, 11, of Las Cruces, N.M., was proud to be among those contributing to the foul odor Tuesday, as she was crowned the winner of the annual Odor Eaters rotten sneaker contest.
How did she achieve her award-winning stench?
"By wearing a certain pair of socks over and over again and not washing them," Rebekah said.
In the 26th annual smelly sneaker contest, eight participants from as far away as Alaska and California vied to disgust a panel of judges with the foulest smelling and most decomposed sneakers around.
Judges this year included George Aldrich, who conducted smell tests for space shuttle missions; Nelson Taylor, author of a weird festival travel guide; and Montpelier Mayor Chuck Karparis, a participant in the original contest in 1975.
Rebekah won a $500 U.S. savings bond and a trip to New York City. She'll also have her shoes enshrined in the Hall of Fumes, an airtight display of past winning entries.