Daily Dose - 010520 - 300% Impotent, Urban Legends debunked, nine wives, Piper Malibu, DDL, Hey Martha
300% Impotent
Thorn's wife goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger."
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Urban Legends debunked
Woofing Wedding Video
Claim: Friends gathered to view the video record of a newly-married couple's special day were instead treated to a literal episode of I Love Lassie.
Status: True.
Origins: I didn't quite believe this one the first time I heard it either. Yet here are a couple of 1994 news reports about it:
A British man was found guilty on Tuesday of having sex with a dog after a video he made of the act was inadvertently shown to speechless wedding guests expecting to see a replay of a marriage ceremony.
The 59-year-old lent his video recorder to a friend to film the wedding, but forgot to erase from the tape scenes of himself in sex acts with a neighbour's bull terrier named Ronnie.
The man said the 10-minute film shown to the jury had been an attempt at trick photography and featured only simulated sex acts. He will be sentenced after psychiatric and other reports have been made available.
Wedding guests were shocked when they sat down at a reception to watch film of the ceremony but instead saw sex scenes involving a naked man and a dog, a court heard today. Derek Jeffrey, 59, who had filmed himself in sex acts with a neighbour's bull terrier - named Ronnie - had later lent his camcorder to a friend to video a wedding thinking the footage had been erased.
Jeffrey, of Saunder's Way, Camber, East Sussex, denied bestiality with a dog, but was found guilty today by a jury at Hove Crown Court which was shown a 10-minute version of the video he made in his bedroom. He was remanded on bail for psychiatric and other reports.
Jeffrey told the jury that he made the recording with the dog after he and a group of friends had watched a porn video involving sex between humans and animals. He claimed he was trying to demonstrate that such sex scenes could be filmed by trick photography and said his video showed only simulated acts. "When I sobered up I was disgusted and ashamed." Jeffrey said that when he lent his camcorder to a friend he thought the scenes with the dog had been erased.
Barbara "dog dazed afternoon" Mikkelson
Last updated: 15 March 1999
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Claim: The "Immaculate Conception" refers to the conception of Jesus.
Status: False.
Origins: The term "immaculate conception" is often used generally to denote the conception of a child by a woman who has not engaged in sexual intercourse (usually a virgin), and specifically to the conception of Jesus. Both usages are incorrect.
The Immaculate Conception has nothing to do with either the conception of Jesus or a virgin birth. It is a specific dogma of Roman Catholicism decreeing that the Virgin Mary was preserved free from original sin by divine grace from the moment of her conception. Although this dogma had been argued since the twelfth century, it was not made official until 1854 by Pope Pius IX. Since then December 8 has been observed as a Roman Catholic feast in commemoration of the Immaculate Conception.
Last updated: 10 December 1998
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The Sexy Videotape
Claim: A couple rents a video camera and VCR and tapes themselves engaging in sex, then accidentally leaves the tape in the player when they return it to the video store. The tape is quickly circulated and duplicated until nearly everyone in town has a copy.
Status: True.
Origins: In late 1986 in the small farm town of Council Grove, Kansas (pop. 2300), Corky Woodward rented a camera and a videocassette player from the only rental store in town. Woodward, the sheriff of Morris County, then made an erotic 90-minute tape of himself and his wife Dannette, but inadvertently left the tape in the VCR when he returned it to the store. The next person to rent the player got the tape as well, and soon hundreds of copies were circulating throughout town.
Despite the apparently true origins of this legend, versions with differing details started to spread across the country within a year or two of the original events:
The community in which the tape was made and circulated was variously reported as different towns throughout the USA and Canada.
The tape was often said to have been returned to the video store in the wrong box (rather than being left in a VCR).
The legend mutated into versions involving an anchorwoman who accidentally returned a sexy videotape of herself to the store, a high school coach who mistakenly sent the school board a tape of himself having sex with members of the girls' volleyball team, and a teacher who unwittingly showed the class a self-made sex film after mixing it up with an educational movie.
Sightings: In an episode of TV's Mad About You, a videotape of Paul and Jamie making whoopee is mistakenly returned to the local video rental store, but they recover the tape before anyone else views it. Also, a 1999 Volkswagen commercial featured a young couple who realized they'd just dropped off a similar video at the video store; when they realized their mistaken and returned, they were greeted by the sight of the store's customers transfixed at what was playing on the in-store monitor.
A slightly different version of this legend appears in the 1996 film Trainspotting.
Last updated: 17 March 2000
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When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake City,Utah, a woman told the man sitting beside her, "I understand this is the home of the Mormon religion where husbands believe it's OK to have more than one wife."
That's true," he replied, "as a matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine wives."
"How disgusting, "she said, "you should be ashamed of yourself, such practices should be against the law and you ought to be hung."
With a slight grin, he just said, "Yes, mam I am...."
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It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City.
KC Approach: "Malibu Three-Two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."
Three-Two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."
KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?"
Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl): "Well...I've got something down there. Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle,
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DDL
The replies to Kim's ad were not funny.
She would not have some fag for her honey!
But she targeted them
With "GWM",
Believing it meant "guy with money".
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People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made.
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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The score was Hydrogen: 2 and Oxygen: 1 when the game was called because of rain.
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Hey Martha (true)
Monday, July 3, 2000
A real cure for hiccups
OCEAN CITY, Md. (AP) -- A man suffering the hiccups asked a friend to punch him in the chest to try to get rid of them. When his friend recluctantly obliged, Joshua Thomas Burchette collapsed on the sidewalk and died.
An autopsy was to be performed on Burchette, 23, to determine the cause of death.
Burchette had complained of hiccups after a couple of beers on Saturday.
The friend was not identified by police.
Burchette's mother, Jeri Ann Fisyer, said her family has a history of heart problems and her son often complained of chest pains, but had never been hospitalized or placed on medication.