Daily Dose - 010516 - That's my business, BIZARRE NEWS, Preacher And The Bear, Why are you staring, DDL, Hey Martha
A shy, drunken, innocent young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a pub and said: "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
"Yes I do," replied the beautiful young woman, "But go ahead, as I'm sure you're going to ask me anyway."
"OK," said the shy, drunken, innocent young man, "How many men have you slept with?"
"That's my business!" snapped the woman.
"Oh, right!" said the young man, "I didn't realize you made a living at it! "
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BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Celebrity Sex Scene Confessions
"His idea of a romantic kiss was to go "blaah" and gag me with his tongue. He only improved once he married Demi Moore.
- Cybil Shepard on Bruce Willis
"I enjoyed bumping up against it even though it had black stuff all over it...By the end of the shoot I was covered in black goo'.
- Kim Bassinger being turned on by Michael Keaton's Batman costume.
Kenneth Williams' moment of unbridled passion with Joan Sims in "Carry On Up The Khyber" was somewhat marred by Williams' persistent flatulence.
Hygiene conscious Lana Turner chewed gum to keep her mouth fresh for her kissing scenes. During the filming of "Homecoming," Clark Gable kissed her so hard that the pair became entwined by a ribbon of sticky gum. From then on, she gargled.
"It's a little too sick, real or feigned to do in front of your mother."
- Jennifer Jason Leigh stated about a sex scene in her 1996 movie, "Georgia." Leigh asked her screenwriting mother, Barbara Turner, to leave the set at the crucial moment.
"God I miss my husband."
- Patsy Kensit whispered to Mel Gibson during their naked romp in "Lethal Weapon 2."
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Atheist Tries to Sell His Soul on eBay
Here is further proof that people will try to sell anything on the internet. Adam Burtle from Seattle put his soul up for auction on the trading website eBay.
The 20-year-old received bids ranging from $6.66 from an ex-girlfriend to a top bid of $400.
The sale listing has since been removed from the site, because according to eBay spokesman Kevin Pursglove, "You have to have a piece of merchandise that a seller can deliver to a buyer."
Items previously put up for auction include organs, drugs and even a person's virginity.
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40-Year-Old Virgin Discovered In Utah
Paula Houston is a faithful Mormon, she rarely watches R-rated movies and she is a self-acknowledged virgin.
While these may be unique, even admirable qualities, some people feel that they are a liability for Utah's new porn czar.
Porn czar is a nickname given to the state's prosecutor of obscenity law violators.
But despite her personal inexperience Houston says she knows smut when she sees it. In her 15-year legal career she has already prosecuted five pornography cases.
For one prosecution Houston watched hours of hard-core sex videos, dutifully logging each detail for a judge. In her new position the virginal prosecutor promises to wage war on all types of pornography, viewing XXX-rated movies, Internet porno sites and sexually explicit magazines "for as long as it takes."
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Japanese Hard on Chinese Viagra Contraband
TOKYO - A soft drink containing the active ingredient of the impotence drug Viagra has been banned by Japanese officials.
Some 47,000 bottles of the non-prescription drink were imported from China last year, and all but 4,000 have already been sold.
Each bottle of the drink contained 64.3 milligrams of the chemical sildenafil, far more than the 25 or 50 mg in one tablet of Viagra sold in Japan, officials said.
The ban was put into effect shortly after advertisements for the drink, touted as "the solution to your nighttime problems," appeared in men's magazines and on the Internet...obviously hoping to tap into the market of an estimated 9.8 million men in Japan who suffer from erectile dysfunction.
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Discarded Shell Makes Hungry Monkey Go Ape
BANGKOK - A hungry monkey may think twice about eating coconuts after blindly running around the jungles of Bangkok for five days with a shell on his head.
The pig-tail monkey became trapped by the fruit while trying to eat the flesh from a shell discarded by a tourist.
The monkey was caught on Saturday but villagers had to let it go when the monkey's relatives attacked them.
A team of 12 Bangkok vets are now mounting a rescue mission to get the monkey out of his predicament.
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Sweet Tooth May Give Burglar His Just Desserts
STOCTON-ON-TEES, England - A burglar with a sweet tooth may receive his just desserts after he took a bite out of a chocolate penis in his victim's home.
The woman homeowner reportedly bought the naughty novelty at an Ann Summers sex shop.
Forensics experts in Stockton-on-Tees are in the process of examining the teeth imprints and saliva traces left on the cream-filled creation.
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Preacher And The Bear
The preacher he went a-ridin
On one Saturday morn,
According to this tale as told
He started out in the corn.
He scared up one dozen partridges
On a morning which was so fair,
He got down the road a little further
And spied a big grizzly bear.
Well, the bear stood up and that horse did buck,
The preacher dropped to his knees,
He got so plumb excited
That he climbed up in the trees!
The parson stayed up in that tree
I think it was all night,
Then he cast his eyes up to the Lord
And these are the words he said...
Oh Lord, didn't you deliver Daniel from the lion's den?
Also brother Jonah from the belly of the whale,
And didn't you save multitudes from starving
With a fish and a loaf of bread?
Oh Lord, please my life do spare!
But Lord, if you can't help me,
Please don't help that bear!
~ Author Unknown
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A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children. All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker's three-year-old girl stared at the man sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.
The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response.
The little girl said, "I just want to see how you drink like a fish!"
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DDL
There once was a handsome Haitian,
The luckiest dog in creation.
He worked for the rubber trust,
Teaching the upper crust
The science of safe copulation.
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DEFINITIONS
SUBPOENA, n.: From the root "sub", below, and the Latin "poena" for male organ or penis. Therefore, "below the penis" or "by the balls."
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Boy (noun):
A noise with dirt on it.
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YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
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Hey Martha (true)
Friday, February 16, 2001
Islamic morality police bust 200 couples on Valentine's Day
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) -- Islamic police turned Valentine's Day into a fright night for 208 Malaysian couples, raiding hotel rooms and lovers' lanes to enforce rules against illicit sex and cuddling.
The officers work under the Islamic Affairs Department and enforce religious laws affecting the Muslim majority among this Southeast Asian nation's 22 million people.
The Sun and Star newspapers reported Friday that teams swooped on sites where they suspected couples might be violating laws against unchaperoned touching between unmarried couples.
They intruded in hotel rooms, parked cars, university buildings and parks and disturbed the affections of 208 couples, 44 of whom were charged with violations punishable by up to two years in jail and a $80 fine.
In one raid, a couple was caught naked in a parked car. In another, a youth leaped out of a hotel window in his underwear but was caught. Another youth was caught hiding in a hotel room ceiling.
Half the couples were questioned and released, many after producing marriage certificates. Sixty who were in violation of the law but whose offenses were deemed less severe were ordered to receive counseling.
Officers were reported as saying that many couples guilty of nothing worse than holding hands were simply ordered to go home.