Daily Dose - 010425 - Cajun fishermen, BIZARRE NEWS, SIGHTINGS OF THE STUPID, DDL, Hey Martha

Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux went out in the Gulf of Mexico fishing.

They were gone a couple of months. On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away.

Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says "Look at dat, we not gone no time and dem Mexicans done come over here & built a telephone company!"

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BIZARRE NEWS.....

Bizarre Criminal Acts

A Houston armed robber was finally caught after the eighth time he robbed the same U-Totem store in three months. It seemed he never wore a mask and kept holding up the same clerk.

Another Houston robber wound up wounding himself during a robbery. He accidentally stabbed himself with his own knife when he forgot to turn his knife downward when he leaned over the counter to take money from an open cash register.

Two Michigan robbers charged into a Detroit music store, waving their guns. "Nobody move!" one of the robbers oredered. The second robber then moved - and his startled partner shot him in the head.

For some reason, a blind man in Dallas decided to steal a television set. The burglary seemed to be going smooth up until a neighbor spotted the man when he walked into a tree.

Two men brandishing shotguns ran into a Los Angeles bank and yelled for everyone to lie down, which everyone complied. When there was no one left standing to get the robbers the money, they evidently got confused and ran away.

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Man Presents Bare Facts in Crowded Courthouse

MISSOURI - A Missouri man was arrested for displaying his "assets" in the crowded lobby of a courthouse.

Daniel Everett reportedly dropped his trousers and took a picture of his buttocks on a photocopier inside the federal law building.

Everett told officers that he wanted to make copies of his backside as a practical joke for his girlfriend. The joke was on him when he was arrested while in the process of making further copies of his initial 'work of art'.

According to Police Chief Richard Morris, the photocopy was described as a "big, black blob."

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Antigravity in Alabama

UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA - It takes liquid nitrogen to create the 390-degrees-below-zero atmosphere necessary to float non-metallic objects in mid air.

It's true! Researchers at the University of Alabama have created real antigravity using powerful super-magnets. This could be the start of eventual efforts to allow rockets to run without propellant and power plants to run without fuel.

So far they have only managed to float a live tadpole.

Scientists involved in the "tadpole" experiment say the animal was apparently not harmed by the intense magnetism and predict that someday they will be able to float a human, if they can find two things: A powerful enough magnet and a willing subject.

[Now if they can only use super-magnets to keep first cousins from marrying each other.]

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Stealing Jewelry Was Easy to Stomach for Thief

Police are anxiously awaiting the arrival of a "shipment" of stolen jewelry from the thief that stole it.

The suspect was found lying injured in the street with a broken hip after jumping from a window with a bag of jewelry. In a fit of panic, he to swallowed the evidence.

An x-ray of the man's hip revealed the stolen merchandise nestled away in his stomach.

Police are now guarding him around the clock to make sure they can retrieve the jewelry as soon as "nature takes its course."

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Man's Number Comes Up While Answering Call of Nature

LUANDA, Angola - A man standing just outside the boundaries of an Angolan airport should have tried harder to squelch his need to relieve himself.

While answering the "call of nature," the man was killed by a cargo plane which made an emergency crash landing immediately after take-off.

According to a Civil Aviation Authority representative, all seven people on board the plane escaped unhurt. The plane reportedly developed engine problems on take off from near the town of Dundo and crashed as it attempted to re-land.

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Men Put Off When Girls Wanna Have Fun With One Another

LAWRENCE, Missouri - Police officers were called to intervene when two men started fighting after their girlfriends showed more interest in each other than in them.

The two couples had been for a night out and returned home whereupon the two women reportedly went into the bedroom and "became friendly."

After their request to join in was declined, the two men started fighting and fell through a glass door.

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New Reality Show To Answer Question 'Who's Your Daddy'

NETHERLANDS - The creators that brought to you the reality TV show Big Brother are "conceiving" a new kind of program. The working title for the new show is "I Want Your Baby," which will feature unmarried women choosing between potential sperm donors.

The Netherlands-based Endemol production company are reportedly still discussing the new program and have not yet come up with a format.

One report said the new program would involve a woman in her 40s choosing between men willing to donate sperm so she could conceive through artificial insemination.

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SIGHTINGS . . . OF THE STUPID

Sighting #1:
I was busy writing a computer program for one of my classes and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "Sure." Next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is (unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water.

Sighting #2:
I was at the airport checking in at the gate, when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded, and said, "That's why we ask."

Sighting #3:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She looked appalled, and asked, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

Sighting #4:
At a goodbye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the company due to "rightsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

Sighting #5:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Sighting #6 (a rare "double sighting"):
A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they'd take up less room. When he told me I was with another friend. She thought it was a good idea too.

Sighting #7 (from Tech Support):
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Individual: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

Sighting #8 (from Tech Support):
Individual: Now what do I do?
Tech Support: What is the prompt on the screen?
Individual: It's asking for "Enter Your Last Name."
Tech Support: Okay, so type in your last name.
Individual: How do you spell that?

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DDL

Have you heard of the knock-kneed Sam Guzzum
And Samantha, his bow-legged cousin?
There are some people say
That love finds a way.
But for Sam and Samantha it doesn't.

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"I had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsaries, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount." - Harry, "When Harry met Sally"

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If Israelites come from Israel, then what come from Paris?

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Si hoc legere scis numium eruditionis habes. - If you can understand this, you're overeducated.

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Hey Martha (true)

Wednesday, March 21, 2001

High taxes follows man to grave

LIMA, Ohio (AP) -- A mayoral candidate who campaigned for lower taxes will go to his grave fighting for the cause.

"Here lies the man that has been taxed to death," Bill Metzger's tombstone will say.

Metzger died Sunday from cancer. He was 68.

George Sciranka, who worked for Metzger at his flower shop, said Metzger made the epitaph request before he died.

"He hated to pay taxes. He wanted to pay his own way. And he was the type of person who did not like programs, welfare, that type of stuff," Sciranka said. '"Go out and earn the dough like I had to do it, work for it.' That was his way of thinking."

Metzger unsuccessfully ran for mayor of this northwest Ohio city in 1997.