Daily Dose - 010421 - BIG FEET, BIZARRE NEWS, skydiving, airsickness courtesy bag, DDL, Hey Martha
BIG FEET
There was the Texan sitting in a bar with his feet propped up on the bar...
A cute little blonde walks in, sits down next too him and strikes up a conversation...
Noticing the size of his boots, she asks him if it's true what they say about the size of a man's feet...(as it relates to the size of his you know what)
He says, "Well, yes maa'm , it sure is."
One things leads to another and they end up back at her room and they end up "cuddling" all night.
The next morning as the blonde is getting dressed to leave. She pulls a $100 bill out of her purse and leaves it for the Cowboy.
He says, "Why thank you maa'm. I'm very flattered. I have never been compensated for my services before."
To which she replies as she walks out the door, "Don't be flattered. The $100 is for you to go buy a pair of boots that FIT!
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Laws
SWITZERLAND
Clothes may not be hung to dry on Sunday.
It is considered an offense to mow your lawn on a Sunday, because it causes too much noise.
It is illegal to flush the toilet after 10 p.m. if you live in an apartment.
A man may not relieve himself while standing up, after 10 p.m.
Though it is illegal to produce, store, sell alcohol, it is legal to consume it.
It is required that every car with snow tires has to have a sticker on its dashboard which tells that the driver should not drive faster than 160 km/h with these tires.
If you leave your car-keys inside the car with the car door open, you will be punished.
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Man Severs Penis in Bizarre Religious Movement
SAO PAULO - In order to "bring himself closer to God," a A 23-year-old convicted Brazilian rapist sliced off his own penis and flushed it down the toilet.
Flavio dos Santos Cruz was found by prison guards screaming and bleeding in his cell.
"It is written in Bible that if a part of your body distances you from God, and makes you commit a sin, you should cut it off," Cruz told reporters.
According to urologist Aerton Barbosa Neves, who operated on Cruz, he will now have to urinate through a tube, but can still impregnate someone, "albeit only with medical assistance."
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Malaysian Ants Protect Homes to Wee Hours of the Day
MALAYSIA - Bamboo-nesting ants in the Malaysian rainforest are providing their own type of flood damage control.
New research has shown that worker ants protect their nest from flooding by drinking the water that has got in, then head out the back and pee it away.
Researchers Ulrich Maschwitz and Joachim Moog of Frankfurt University, Germany, discovered the method by watching a colony at work in their lab.
They dripped two milliliters of colored water into the nest and watched the ants literally squeeze out 3,030 droplets over two days.
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Another Marriage Shot to Hell
GILLINGHAM, UK - Some marriages just go to hell in a hand basket. Paul Sainsbury and Lynda Eastwood are petitioning authorities for permission to have a satanic wedding to ensure theirs does, literally.
The pair have been told by their local council that it has "in principle, no objection" to the wedding - even though it involves the drinking of "blood" red wine while those present lift their arms to the sky saying: "Bless you, father Satan, I will always love you".
The damned couple met last year at an Iron Maiden concert and say they are looking forward to their midnight union in August.
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Man Sentenced to a Year in Prison for Killing Time
MEMPHIS, Tennessee - It's the stuff country song lyrics are made of.
Apartment complex owner Ricky Kees was sentenced to nearly a year in jail for shooting a tenant's alarm clock with a .22-caliber revolver while he was drunk.
After it had been shot, the General Electric clock kept on ticking, and buzzing, prompting Kees to return and take a second shot at it.
Criminal Court Judge W. Otis Higgs Jr. sentenced Kees to 11 months and 29 days in jail and to an additional 90 days for drunk-driving offences.
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A New Version of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer?
ROCHESTER, New York - Those New York deer are nothing to mess with.
US athlete Chet Jozefski was taking part in a New Year's Day run sponsored by the Greater Rochester Track Club when he was knocked off his feet by a passing deer.
Chet Jozefski said he had given up his traditional New Year's Day motorcycle ride because he thought a run would be safer.
The first deer passed him without incident. However, the second deer jumped and sent Jozefski to the ground after catching him on the shoulder with one of it's hoofs.
He went on to finish the race, bloody nose and all.
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Sex Service Tells Golfers What to Do With Their Balls
PASADENA, California - Callers wishing to hear information about upcoming US amateur golf tournament heard about more than their golf balls.
A one digit error published in 100,000 brochures for the Tournament of Roses in Pasadena, CA, led callers to a sex line instead of the golf line.
Caryn Eaves Person, the event's spokeswoman, told reporters, "As everyone knows who works with printed materials, mistakes happen."
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Jill: I tried skydiving this weekend!
Mary: Ohmigod! How was it?
Jill: It reminded me of the first time I had sex.
Mary: What do you mean by that?
Jill: It was awkward; I was nervous; and it was all over in 30 seconds.
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I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in an airsickness courtesy bag.
After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess approached me. She asked, "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that for you?" I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids."
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DDL
Your pussy, my dear Mrs. Slocum,
Is missing, or stolen, or brokum.
I'm sorry to say
I looked forward one day,
To dig in my fingers and strokum.
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Universities are places of knowledge. The freshman each bring a little in with them, and the seniors take none away, so it accumulates.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. - Albert Einstein
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'Where's your sense of adventure?' 'At home in bed where every good sense of adventure should be at 7:30 AM' -overheard in calculus class
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Hey Martha (true)
Wednesday, January 24, 2001
Prisoners issued pink underwear
MAYVILLE, N.Y. (AP) -- Hoping to increase safety and keep prisoners in line, the Chautauqua County Jail has issued prisoners zebra-striped coveralls, pink underwear and bright orange footwear.
Sheriff Joseph Gerace, who has also banned basketball at the jail, is considering even more changes: He wants to bar inmates from watching MTV or the "Jerry Springer Show."
He said the distinctive black-and-white uniforms would make inmates more readily identifiable.
Gerace said the moves aren't primarily aimed at making prison less pleasant. But he also remarked, "It bothers me that jail isn't tougher."
One unidentified inmate shrugged off the changes.
"What are you going to do?" he said. "It's a jail."