Daily Dose - 010411 - Purple Heart, old-fashioned girls, Real Resignation Letters, what's sex, DDL, Hey Martha
Sam had been a soldier at war for more than three years, during which he had been in many battles and won many decorations. He was finally discharged from service and returned home to a wife and son, whom he hadn't seen in almost four years.
As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, and he's got a Purple Heart on!"
Turning around to see her husband for the first time in years she replied, "at this point, I don't give a damn what color it is! Let him in, and you go play at the Jones' for a couple hours."
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One day at the family reunion, my grandparents were reminiscing. My grandfather remarked, "I wonder what ever happened to the old-fashioned girls who fainted when a man kissed them."
Grandmother gave him a withering look, "What I'd like to know," she said, "is what happened to the old-fashioned men who could make them faint!"
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Real Resignation Letters
The Resignation Letter of Miss. BBV of Chesapeake, United States
Why did you resign? Couldn't take the crap any longer
What are you going to do next? Teach little rugrats
Job Title Assistant Manager
Industry Customer Services
What is your salary expectation? Below £15,000
Dear Unpersonable B*tch
As per the piece of crap I signed on my first day of this dreaded job, I hereby give 2 minutes notice of my intention to leave this awful company.
I want to thank you for all you have not done for me in my employment here. It has been shear torture working for you and representing this crappy company.
It is now time for me to move on and I have accepted a postition as a garbage person. This decision was quite easy and took little consideration. However, I am confident that this new role represents a step up from this piece of crap job.
I wish the company would go to chambles and hope one day you too will realize that you cannot manage your way out of a paper bag.
Glad to be gone,
Me
*************
The Resignation Letter of Mr. KW of Colchester, United Kingdom
Why did you resign? Because if I hadn't he would have sacked me.
What are you going to do next? Run!
Job Title Car Salesman
Industry Sales
What is your salary expectation? £25,000 - £30,000
Dear PT.
Last night in bed, your wife told me you'd found out about our affair and were going to fire me today. You've not been getting much satisfaction recently, so I won't spoil the trend. This is my letter of resignation.
Don't worry about a reference, I'll tell you now, she's bloody marvellous.
J.
**************
The Resignation Letter of Mr. RG of New York, United States
Why did you resign? Both of my managers are dopes.
What are you going to do next? Find a job that allows my neurons to fire.
Job Title Senior Lackey
Industry Accountancy & Finance
What is your salary expectation? £40,000 - £60,000
Dear Chris
After an appropriate period of deliberation, I have come to the decision to tender my resignation from , effective November 10, 2000.
Please know that I still maintain a high level of respect for you as a manager and colleague, and I thank you sincerely for the support and assistance you have offered me in each of those roles. I have been proud to work for over the past eight years; it has been a journey that has provided me an unparalleled foundation to move forward to new and exciting opportunities.
As such, I have decided to become a professional pirate. It has always been a dream of mine to live the life of a swashbuckling corsair, beholden to none and master of all I survey. Once my crew of unabashed rogues is assembled, we shall take to the capacious expanse of the high seas to pursue fortune, fame, and hair-raising adventure.
Our path may not be filled with the porcine comforts and technological marvels that provides, but we shall nonetheless move forward to carve a name for ourselves in the annals of bold insurgency and death-defying derring-do. Once I have a keen blade at my hip and the Jolly Roger is flapping high above me, I believe I will find my true calling.
Please note that I am currently accepting applications for First Officer, if you are at all interested in applying. I will provide a full medical and dental plan, which will offer immediate coverage of all maladies other than scurvy and the occasional bout of rickets.
Sincerely
Rob G.
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Little Johnny returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mum, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, Little Johnny produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
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DDL
There was an old person from Slough,
Fucked rabbits and snakes and a sow.
It may not be relevant,
But he tried a small elephant -
They're dredging to find his corpse now.
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Important Warning
Everyone is always sending warnings about viruses, people trying to drug you in the street, people trying to scam use of your mobile phone...the list goes on. I don't usually forward many of these kinds of emails, but this warning came to me today from a very reliable source and I feel compelled to warn my female friends!!
(By the way, the reason some men were sent this is so that they can warn the women in their lives as well.)
WARNING !!!!!
If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your tits, DON'T DO IT!
This is a scam, and he is only trying to see your tits.
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What happens when a president gets elected in a year with a "0" at the end?
1840: William Henry Harrison (Died in Office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln (Assassinated)
1880: James A. Garfield (Assassinated)
1900: William McKinley (Assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (Died in Office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (Died in Office)
1960: John F. Kennedy (Assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (Survived Assassination Attempt)
And to think that we had 2 guys duking it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000!
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Hey Martha (true)
Monday, February 12, 2001
EU takes legal action over hamsters
BRUSSELS, Belgium (AP) -- The European Commission is taking legal action against the German government for allegedly failing to protect endangered hamsters, the organization announced Monday.
Germany infringed on European environmental laws by allowing intensive agriculture and industrial construction in an area near the Dutch border that is home to the threatened species Cricetus cricetus, the Commission said.
Popularly known as the European hamster or black-bellied hamster, Cricetus cricetus is the largest of the hamster species and can grow up to 12.6 inches long. It risks extinction in its natural habitats in Germany, the Netherlands and northeast France, according to a hamster-enthusiast Web site.
The Commission said it sent Germany a "reasoned opinion" on the issue, a legal step that could lead to the German government being hauled before the European Union's high court if it fails to provide a satisfactory explanation.
The European Court of Justice could impose fines if it finds that the EU's habitats directive, which protects the breeding sites and resting place of rare species, is infringed. A case is pending against Greece on charges that it damages beaches used by a Mediterranean sea turtle.
The Commission said the Horbacher Boerde area near the city of Aachen, where industrial development is planned, was "one of the three most important sites for the species" in northwest Germany.
German reports have cast doubt upon the presence of hamsters there, but the EU dismissed that.
"The Commission is sure there are hamsters," said Annika Oestergren, spokeswoman for EU Environment Commissioner Margot Wallstroem.
The EU commission has called Cricetus cricetus "an endangered hamster" that is "suffering a recent severe decline." A 1999 Council of Europe recommendation refers to it as "endangered and vulnerable," and the Bern international convention on endangered wildlife lists it as needing to be "strictly protected."
The Commission said it had expressed concerns to Dutch authorities about the fate of hamsters there.
It also sent a letter to Britain demanding the government tighten application of the habitats directive.
"We must take our legal safeguards seriously or we face the wipeout of endangered species through the creeping loss of habitats," Wallstroem said.