Daily Dose - 010410 - class reunion, Bizarre News, philosophy exam, revival meeting, DDL, Hey Martha
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"
Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."
Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."
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BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Holidays
JANUARY
January is... National Fiber Focus Month
January 1 is...First Foot Day
January 2 is...Run Up the Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes It Day
January 8 is...National JoyGerm Day and Man Watcher's Day
January 10 is... Peculiar People Day
January 11 is... National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day
January 12 is... Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day
January 22 is... National Answer Your Cat's Question Day
January 23 is...Measure Your Feet Day
January 24 is... Eskimo Pie Patent Day
January 27 is...Thomas Crapper Day
January 28 is... National Kazoo Day and Rattle Snake Round-Up Day
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Men's Scent Sends Women into Shopping Frenzies
AUSTRALIA - Women's shopping impulses are starting to make some scents. Australian researchers claim the scent of a sexy man can send a woman on a shopping spree.
Scientists have discovered male pheromones can send subliminal messages which influence a woman's spending habits.
Research suggests that the sales staff in department stores may be able to tempt female shoppers into buying products by wearing perfume spiked with male pheromones.
Iain Waller, who presented the paper, stated that the use of pheromones to try to influence customers' behavior could have legal and ethical implications.
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It'll Be A Cold Day In Oregon Before I Go Back
OREGON - An airman who allegedly deserted Ellsworth Air Force Base where he was stationed, survived in his car for 16 days under four feet of snow.
Thomas Truett, 29, left his post in South Dakota on December 3rd and drove West, through North California, until his 1982 Mazda sports car became stuck in the wilderness of Oregon.
He attempted to walk out of the woods, but weather conditions were too severe. He survived in his automobile for 16 days with only a bottle of orange juice and a package of M&Ms.
When he was finally found Truett had lost more than 20 pounds.
Upon release from the hospital he is to be turned over to the Air Force where he will face federal desertion charges.
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Son Nearly Killed for Failure to Tame His Bestiality
MAINE - A father in Maine tried to kill his son for his emotional "attachment" to animals.
Frank Buble, 71, pleaded guilty in a Maine court to attempted murder and assault after he tried to kill 44-year-old Philip Buble, because of his sexual preference for animals.
Frank Buble gave his son a broken arm and cuts with a crowbar before turning himself in to the Piscataquis County Sheriff's Department.
Philip Buble says he didn't want his father, who awaits sentencing, to be jailed but says "he needs serious therapy."
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Widow of Sex Freak Denied Insurance Money
KARLSHUHE, Germany - A German widow was denied compensation by her insurance company after her husband strangled himself to death in a bizarre sex ritual.
The widow reportedly demanded $15,220 from an insurance policy her husband arranged before he strangled himself while hanging from a door handle during an autoerotic experience.
The court rejected an appeal by the widow who had sued an insurance company for refusing the payout, upholding the company's argument that it was not liable for self-inflicted injuries.
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Man Dies in William Tell Style Shooting
AURORA, Illinois - A 22-year-old man died Christmas Eve when a friend tried to shoot a plastic cup off of his head William Tell style.
Police are searching for Adrian Lorenzo Quintana-Galindo, 22, who put a plastic cup on his friend Manuel Dominguez-Quintero and then fired a shot from a .25-caliber semi-automatic pistol at it.
However, the bullet hit Dominguez-Quintero in the head and he was dead by the time police arrived.
Meanwhile, Quintana-Galindo apparently dropped the gun and ran away.
Investigators are still trying to calculate how far apart the two men were when the shooting occurred.
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Man Gets Choked Up Over Self Circumcision
TAIWAN - A Taiwanese man got himself all choked up when the specially made ring he was using to circumcise himself turned his penis black.
He reportedly attached the ring because he was told it would make his foreskin whither and die.
However, when the man had an erection, his penis turned black and he was rushed to the hospital.
He is now recovering and doctors say he is not expected to suffer permanent damage.
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A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said:
"Is this a question?" - Discuss.
After a short time he wrote:
"If that is a question, then this is an answer."
The student received an "A" on the exam.
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There was a large revival meeting on the outskirts of town, and at the appropriate corner there was a large sign proclaiming: "If you're weary of sin and want to be saved, turn here, go 100 yards, and come into the revival tent."
Below the sign someone had hung another smaller one: "If NOT weary, call 876-3550."
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DDL
THE GOOD SHIP VENUS
The good ship's name was Venus,
Her mast a towering penis,
Her figure-head
A whore in bed ----
The prettiest site of her genis!
The first mate's name was Andy,
By god he was a dandy,
They broke his cock
With chunks of rock
For conking in the brandy.
The second mate was Morgan,
By God, he was a Gorgon,
Nine times a day
Fine tunes he'd play
On his reproductive organ.
The cook, his name was Henon,
my God, he was a demon
he fed the crew
his mentrual stew
and hymen fried in semen
The captain's daughter Mabel
They screwed her when they were able,
They nailed her tits,
Those lousy shits,
Right to the captain's table.
The captain's other daughter,
They threw her in the water,
You could tell by the squeals,
That some of the eels,
Had found her reproductive quarter.
The Cabin-boy
Was the captain's joy.
A cunning little nipper,
They filled his ass,
With broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.
Then in search of new sensation
In the form of recreation,
The ship was sunk
In a wave of gunk
From mutual masturbation.
~Author Unknown
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Grafitti Shorts
written on a toilet wall: I.C.A.Q.A.Q.I.C.I.8.2.Q.B.4.I.P.
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At this moment, you are the only man in the Army who knows what he is doing - Gents Lavatory, Aldershot Barracks UK
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Don't read this you fool, Watch what you're doing! - Gents Lavatory - London
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Hey Martha (true)
Monday, February 5, 2001
Eight year old called for jury duty
WALL TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) -- Kyle Connor is perfectly willing to report for jury duty. But he'd have to ask his mom for a ride and get his teacher to excuse him from elementary school.
Connor is 8 years old.
This is the second time court authorities in Monmouth County have sent him a notice instructing him to report for jury duty. The first was when he was 5; the latest arrived two weeks ago.
Court officials said Connor probably was flagged -- twice -- by computers that compile lists of potential jurors and track, among other things, recipients of dividend and interest payments.
Kyle's father said the mistakes probably occurred because Kyle received some money from a relative who had died.
Regardless, Kyle is ready to serve.
"I'd just like to try it," he said.