Daily Dose - 010409 - spring break, BIZARRE NEWS, True Tales Of The Unthinking, DDL, Hey Martha
Lots of things go on during "spring break" as the college students let off a little steam. This one student was arrested for indecent exposure in a field near the beach, and was appearing before a judge. "I plead not guilty, Your Honor. I only went there to get relieved," he testified.
"Well, I'm inclined to accept your explanation." said the judge. "I guess some allowances must be made for 'emergencies'."
"That's true to a point, Your Honor," said the arresting officer. "But what about this young lady here who relieved him?"
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Laws
ALABAMA
In Jasper, it is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
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A Nip on the Nads Nets Man $1,000,000
BROOKLYN - A nip on the groin would really bite for many people, however, it has made Gabriel Febbraio a millionaire.
A jury in Brooklyn awarded $500,000 for past pain and suffering and $500,000 for future pain and suffering for the treatment and injuries he suffered when an 80-pound pit bull bit him in the groin.
Febbraio told the jury he was returning to his mother's two-family home in Bensonhurst in to retrieve a pair of gloves when he encountered Peter Borchelt, one of the nation's foremost animal behaviorists, and the dog on the street.
Borchelt assured Febbrario the dog was secure, however, the dog broke free and attacked him, biting him in the groin and tearing off the end of his penis.
Borchelt testified the animal wasn't vicious and that he was training it for its owner.
But under cross-examination, he conceded he was aware of two prior attacks by the dog.
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Man Axed for Slicing and Dicing Boss
CAIRO - The old adage "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" should be extended to include "Don't cut off the ear the man who signs your paycheck."
According to police officials, Ihab Fiqi was fired and jailed after getting in an argument with his boss, Mohamed Hassan, and stabbing him in the ear.
Fiqi, an Egyptian officer, apparently disagreed with Hassan's accusation that he was tardy, so he lunged at him with a penknife. Fiqi was sacked and sentenced to 15 days detention.
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It Really Sucks to be Him
INDIA - Here's a shuddering thought. An Indian doctor has removed a four-inch leech that had been inside a schoolboy's nostril for three days.
The 10-year-old boy, Akhil, thinks the leech may have climbed up his nose while he was drinking water from a tap. He said it made him feel dizzy and made his nose bleed.
According to Dr. Sukhdev Singh, of the Chandigarh General Hospital, it was the first time he had seen a leech up a patient's nostril during his 15-year career.
When Akhil splashed water on his face, the leech appeared and Singh pulled it out with a pair of forceps.
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Love Train Brought to Screeching Halt
HANNOVER, Germany - Have you ever been involved in such a passionate embrace that it felt as if the Earth stopped revolving? An amorous German couple didn't quite stop the world, but they did bring a train to a screeching halt when the young girl grabbed the emergency cord while making love with her boyfriend in the toilet.
The driver of the train found the couple having sex in the lavatory when he came to investigate who had caused the emergency stop.
The young beau was so enraged that he tried to punch the driver. He was later arrested.
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Drunken Woman Flushed by Toilet Incident
HUDDERSFIELD, England - Rudolph's nose wasn't the only thing glowing red on Christmas.
Firemen rescued an embarrassed woman in Huddersfield, England who fell off a seat in a public toilet and got her head stuck under the cubicle door.
The woman, who had been out drinking, was trapped there for several hours until firemen rescued her.
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Romanian Man Lends Support to Fight Against Impotency
ROMANIA - A Romanian man has lent his "support" to the fight against impotency.
Ioan Dumitru, from Ploiesti County, Prahova, has made a wooden scaffolding that holds the penis up in a specially designed pair of underpants.
According to Dumitru, he has personally tested it and the penis remains erect even after the pants are taken off.
He is keeping the price low because poor people also suffer from impotency.
Dumitru concluded by stating, "This is a revolution for the sex industry."
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True Tales Of The Unthinking
Karen had met her hubby's coworker, Judi, at a bar. Judi lifted her head from the table and asked, "So, how the hell are ya, ya sperm-guzzling trollop?"
Karen sat down, crossed her legs at her ankles, folded her hands demurely in her lap and replied, "I am NOT a sperm-guzzling trollop. I am a lady. I sip."
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Steve SWEARS this one is true. He was talking to Judi about possible vacation sites. Mexico. Brazil. The Caribbean.
Then Steve mentioned Hawaii. Judi told him, "I wouldn't go to Hawaii."
"Why not?"
"They hate Americans over there."
"What? What would you think that?"
"Well, DUH, *Pearl Harbor?*"
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Evan got a telemarketing call from Judi who asked Evan if she could speak to the master of the house. Evan told Judi that would be the dog.
Judi paused, covered the phone, and said to someone next to her, "He said it was the dog!"
After a bit she returned to the phone, "May I speak to the dog?"
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Jason worked at one of those one hour photo developing places. Judi had brought in a roll of film that'd been exposed to light prior to it being brought in for processing.
When Jason tried to explain that the film had been exposed, she screamed at him, "I KNOW there were pictures on there! You go back into that machine and put my pictures back on that roll so I can get them developed!!!"
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DDL
She was beautiful, young, but too snide:
"You can try, but you won't get inside!"
I thought she was joking
Until I tried poking;
All I dented that night was my pride
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(sign on a lecturer's door): The probability of finding me in this office is inversely proportional to the magnitude of your urgency.
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Bad spellers of the world Untie!
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'The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the ocean searching for a suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life. When it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain any more...so it eats it. It's rather like getting tenure.' - Michael Scriven
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Hey Martha (true)
Saturday, February 10, 2001
Health officials push condom crusade
DETROIT (AP) -- Health officials are embarking on a condom crusade.
They're handing out condom earrings, condom lollipops, and condom hair accessories by the thousands this weekend in advance of National Condom Week, which begins Monday.
"If you're going to pull out a condom to give to someone, why not a condom on a stick?" said health spokeswoman Kimberly Snell.
The National Condom Week's budget was increased from $500 to $6,000 to spread the message at car washes, bowling alleys, beauty salons, barber shops and community centers.
Health officials hope their condomania will deliver a serious message and change behavior. In December, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Detroit has the seventh-highest syphilis rate among large U.S. cities, said Mark Wilson, a Detroit Health Department STD program director.
"The younger generation feels they are invincible, that these things are not going to happen to them, so it is not a problem for them to have unprotected sex," said Dr. Kevin Lokar, a health department spokesman. "We want them to know this could happen to anyone."
Health officials in neighboring Wisconsin are also giving away condoms.