Daily Dose - 010402 - bad stutter, BIZARRE NEWS, 24-Hour Service, first camping experience, DDL, Hey Martha
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?" Again, the clerk doesn't answer him.
The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy storms off in anger.
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "Why wouldn't you answer that guy's question?"
The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get the s-s-shit b-b-b-beat out of m-m-m-me?"
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BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Revenge
After his wife left him, spurned husband Donald Niblett wrecked their home with a bulldozer, causing damage in excess of 15,000 English pounds.
In 1988, an Egyptian belly-dancer paid back her unfaithful husband by going on a massive spending spree with his credit card totaling $46,000 before flying to his villa in France and smashing the place up.
A married pilot dismissed his mistress from his London apartment. The young woman agreed to leave but asked for a day to pack her belongings. When he returned from an overseas flight he found the phone off the hook. His mistress had made a long distance call to the speaking clock in Washington D.C.
A housewife, distraught over her husband's unfaithfulness, decided to throw herself out of the window of their third floor apartment. She didn't realize her husband was walking beneath. She survived, he did not.
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Too Many Japanese Grabbing a Handful of Holiday Cheer
In a crowded city like Tokyo public transportation is a way of life. But for thousands of female passengers it can become a real nuisance, especially when thousands of male passengers have been hitting the holiday bottle.
With inhibitions lowered the incidence of groping has gone up dramatically. So much so that the Japanese rail company Keio Electric will be adding special female-only carriages on its trains.
December is filled with "Forget-the-Year" parties, the Japanese equivalent of Christmas parties, and late-night trains are crammed with drunk and boisterous male passengers, increasing the potential for trouble.
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Firefighters Get Baked While Attending to Fire Alarm
BOSTON, Massachusetts - The purple haze coming from an apartment building in Boston was not from a fire, but from the 52 pounds of marijuana that was being housed inside the complex.
According to police reports, a fire alarm on the fourth floor of the apartment building was triggered by the overwhelmingly sweet scent of the marijuana.
Firefighters reportedly contacted police, and they in turn obtained a warrant to search the apartment. By the time they were done, police had confiscated the pot, almost $400,000 in cash that had been left out in the open, and four guns and ammunition.
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Milking It For All It's Worth
A judge in Champaign, IL, has refused to return a 6-year-old boy to the custody of his mother who was breastfeeding him.
Following a hearing Monday, Circuit Judge Ann Einhorn ruled against the mother - saying her habit of nursing the child is not appropriate.
Illinois child welfare officials argued that the child was being abused by being forced to breastfeed, even though he no longer wishes to do so. The mother denies the boy wanted to quit nursing.
"I've been nominated to join that exclusive sorority of breast-feeding mothers who are accused of abusing their child by practicing a nurturant behavior," she told the Chicago Tribune.
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Suicidal Man Almost Blows Chance to Live
BERLIN - A jilted German man had second thoughts over a suicide attempt, however, he nearly died in an explosion in his apartment only minutes later.
The 35-year-old man decided to end his life after being left by his girlfriend. He had turned on all the gas taps in the cellar of the building but changed his mind about killing himself and turned them off again.
Unaware the block was still full of gas, he lit a cigarette, causing an explosion that destroyed the building's roof and several walls.
No one was seriously injured in the blast, however, the man was still taken into custody for further questioning.
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Canucks Share Snow with the Regionally Deprived
QUEBEC CITY, Canada - The Canadians have decided to share their abundance of snow with those less geographically fortunate.
Approximately 295 tons of Canadian snow are being shipped this week to the Caribbean island of Puerto Rico to let children build snowmen at the capital city of San Juan's annual Christmas party.
Local organizer Luis Guzman told reporters he was excited about bringing the "white gold" from northern Quebec to his island of four million people, where temperatures are currently around 90 degrees.
According to Guzman, the party is being held from December 15 to January 7 in a refrigerated warehouse near San Juan port and more than 300,000 children are expected to show up.
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Over-sexed Seniors Romp At Nursing Home
LONDON, England All of London was abuzz recently when nine residents of the Edith Scarborough Nursing Home were told that they must find a new place to live after they attempted a late-night orgy.
That's right, they were caught in the recreation room attempting to have a sex party to the exotic sounds of the rumba music.
Their ages ranged from 78 to 95.
[At least they discovered additional uses for baby oil.]
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Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives
Munich, Germany Convicted murderer, Horst Schubert, was apprehended just six hours after escaping a maximum security prison in Munich.
Where was he found? He was apprehended at the cemetery where his victim was buried.
It seems that Horst was found digging up the very grave of his victim because he wanted to convince everybody that he was not dead.
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Needing some clothes cleaned in a hurry, a man searched ths small Georgia town in which he was visiting until he found a sign which read: "Cleaning and Pressing, 24-Hour Service."
After explaining his needs, he said, "I'll be back for my suit tomorrow."
"Won't be ready til Saturday," replied the proprietor.
"But I thought you had 24-hour service," the customer protested.
"We do, son," the proprietor said reproachfully. "But we only work eight hours a day. Today's Thursday - eight hours today, eight hours Friday, eight on Saturday. That's 24-hour service."
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It was the first camping experience for Jed. As soon as he had pitched his tent, he went for a hike in the woods. In about fifteen minutes he rushed back into camp, bleeding and disheveled.
"What happened?" asked a fellow camper.
"I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Jed.
The camper laughed and retorted, "A black snake isn't deadly."
"Listen," groaned Jed, "If he can make you jump off a fifty-foot cliff, he is!"
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DDL
The office brown-noser named Bunky
Would claim he was nobody's flunky.
But when the chips were all down,
His proboscis was brown,
And there hung many strands which were gunky.
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Entropy isn't what it used to be.
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Alcohol and calculus don't mix - PLEASE don't drink and derive.
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It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
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Hey Martha (true)
Sunday, February 11, 2001
Mom ponders legal action over bad breath
By SCOTT PATTISON-- The Edmonton Sun
A northern Alberta mother is contemplating legal action against Northland School Division for allegedly forcing her daughter to leave school because of bad breath.
Colleen Auger alleges she was asked by a Northland school principal to take her seven-year-old daughter Brittney home because other students had complained about the Grade 2 student's bad breath.
A confrontation took place between the mother, Brittney's teacher and the principal in the hallway of the school, 366 km northwest of Edmonton, which Auger claims has made her daughter reluctant to return to the school.
"If the school board doesn't do anything about what happened by the end of the week, I'm going to pursue it legally," said Auger. "My daughter is scared now about going back to that school."
She claims the principal told her it was best she take her daughter home, because "the other kids could catch it."
As for Brittney's "rotten teeth at the back of her mouth," Auger said her daughter eats a lot of candy.
She has had one dental appointment already, and will return for a second visit in the forthcoming weeks.
Auger noted however, she already has letters from the family's dentist and physician, stating Brittney is in good health and poses no risk to other students.
Northland School Division assistant superintendent Annette Ramratten said she is awaiting reports on the incident.
"I will be talking with the principal and teacher on Monday morning," said Ramratten.
"I have some concerns with this entire incident. It's my understanding the principal just wanted the student to be checked by a dentist because of a lot of rotten teeth.
"My main concern, however, is for the child."
Ramratten said the girl was never suspended, and can attend regular classes tomorrow.