Daily Dose - 010326 - The Rock, Bizarre News, the fad, DDL, Hey Martha
THE ROCK (Oldie But Goody)
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on it. In order the figures were:
1. A Woman
2. A Donkey
3. A Shovel
4. A Fish
5. A Star of David.
After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were several thousands of years old but even so they revealed a lot about the people of that time.
1. The woman being placed first in the line of figures indicated that women were held in very high esteem. It was most likely a family oriented culture.
2. The donkey indicated they had domesticated animals. They probably used the donkey to till the fields.
3. The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools.
4. The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea.
5. The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people.
A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker. When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right.
In Hebrew we read from right to left. That way it reads, "Holy mackerel dig the ass on that woman."
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Sexual Trivia
In many cultures, an unmarried woman is considered a virgin, even if she's a prostitute. It's only after marriage that she loses her virginity.
When the ancient Chinese would have sex with a goose, as a climax they used to pull off its head to feel its death contractions.
As foreplay a Ponapean man may sometimes put a fish in the woman's vulva and gently lick it.
It's illegal to have sex with a corpse anywhere in the United States.
In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, it's against the law to have sex with a truck driver in a toll booth.
There is a law in Kingsville, Texas, that forbids pigs to have sex on Kingsville airport property.
In 1709 it was believed that the widespread infertility of Spanish women was due to singing during sex.
According to Kinsey, half of the men raised on farms have had a sexual encounter with an animal.
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House Wins, Dealer Buys Farm
HONG KONG - High roller, Frederick Beacham took the life of blackjack dealer Anna Chong after he lost 46 straight hands.
According to police, Beacham said, "I was betting fairly heavy...no matter what I did she found a way to beat me. I'd get a 19 and she'd get a 20. I'd get a 20, she'd get a 21. It was totally unreal. Finally I just went crazy and blew that smile right off of her face. The next thing I knew, the police were hauling me to jail. I guess it just wasn't my lucky day."
[Anna's either.]
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Stupid Thief Takes Timeout for a Kodak Moment
NEW YORK - A car thief was all smiles while he took pictures of himself stealing a car, until he forgot to take the camera.
While driving the car on the Belt Parkway in Queens, the young crook reportedly picked up a camera that was inside the car and took two photos while he was at the wheel.
The stolen car was found in Nassau County a month later, with the camera still inside.
The victim didn't notice the two exposures and brought the film in for development a few months later. She thought she had the wrong film when the unfamiliar face appeared in her photos.
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Something Fishy Going on at Congressional Hearing
MISSOULA, Montana - An Idaho man pleaded guilty for throwing a salmon patty at a politician during a congressional hearing to discuss the summer's wildfires in Montana and Idaho.
Rep. Helen Chenoweth-Hage was not injured in the attack by 20-year-old Randall Mark of Moscow, Idaho. However, the hearing at the University of Montana, came to a halt while she cleaned salmon from her hair and jacket.
Mark made a brief appearance in the US District Court at Missoula, Montana, to change his plea from innocent to guilty. In exchange, federal prosecutors dropped a second charge accusing him of assaulting another politician, Rep Rick Hill.
Defense attorney Craig Shannon said Mark expected to be arrested but was intent on protesting.
Mark could receive up to a year in prison when he is sentenced in February 6.
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Travel Tips: Don't Hijack a Plane In Mongolia
The folks in Asia take their air travel seriously.
When an unidentified perpetrator attempted to hijack a plane in the middle of a flight from Mongolia-to-Beijing, the crew and passengers united to subdue their attacker.
China's Xinhua Airlines reported that the hijacker had been beaten to death by passengers using a cell phone.
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Bride Gets an Earful at Wedding
LECCO, Italy - Throwing rice at a wedding proved not to be a good tradition for bride Paola Bonsangue.
As guests starting throwing rice at her and groom Burno Ratti, she felt one of the rice grains slip into her inner ear.
Ratti along with several family members tried in vain to remove the tiny piece. The bride was then rushed to the hospital where doctors successfully removed the grain of rice.
The wedding reception was delayed as guests anxiously awaited the bride's return from the emergency room.
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Uninvited Housesitter Takes Phone Messages
ST. CHARLES, Missouri - Lindenwood University wrestler Timothy Michel was shocked when he called home to check his phone messages and someone else answered.
According to Michel, "I thought it was a joke from one of my friends and went along with it for awhile. But then I was like, 'who is this?'"
The man eventually told Michel he was just sitting there in the house and made assurances that he wasn't going to steal anything.
Michel called three of his wrestling teammates who lived nearby who held the man until police arrived.
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Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives
SAN DIEGO, California - A man was arrested for assaulting his mate with a 15 pound tuna after an argument ensued.
After purchasing the fish, an enraged tuna wielding suspect chased his victim to the parking lot and proceeded to flail away until police were called onto the scene.
He has pleaded not guilty to battery.
[The evidence and story do not even pass the sniff test.]
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My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out.
"I know," he replied. "It's a fad me and some of the guys started."
Weeks later, as the style persisted, I commented, "I can't stand it! Every time I see that, I want to fix it for you."
I gently tucked the tag in place and rumpled his hair.
"Yeah," he said smiling slyly. "All the girls do."
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DDL
An innocent bride, all shy smiles,
Asked the old family medic, Doc Wiles,
"Now what things are these
That hang down to his knees?"
Said the doctor, "On me, they'd be piles."
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"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"William Shatner"
"William Shatner who?"
"William Shatner toilet and forgot to flush!"
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If you're yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning
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Q. What does a woman in church and a woman in a bath tub have in common?
A. The woman in church has hope in her soul and the woman in the bath tub has soap in her hole
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Hey Martha (true)
Monday, February 12, 2001
Ikea a battleground for couples
By ANDREA BAILLIE-- The Canadian Press
TORONTO (CP) -- Furniture giant Ikea has finally acknowledged what scores of couples already knew: that browsing through the store's maze of perfect showrooms can be an instant recipe for a lovers' spat.
The company is "apologizing" for the squabbles that it causes, and is offering free in-store relationship seminars -- just in time for Valentine's Day.
"Everyone agrees it's not easy to shop with your partner," said Ikea spokeswoman Kristina Beesley. "We thought: 'We don't want people to fight at Ikea."'
While the Feb. 14 relationship seminars could be interpreted simply as a savvy public relations ploy, many people agree with the survey's contention that the store can trigger tension in relationships.
"It gives you an overwhelming sense of being in a beautiful home," said Susie O'Brien, a McMaster University professor who specializes in pop culture.
But the promise of the flawlessly furnished display rooms are usually a far cry from reality.
"The dining room sets, the living room sets, (connote) domestic bliss," she said. "But you're there on a Saturday morning with your crying four-year-old who's asking for a meatball. It makes you feel defeated."
The unscientific survey of 300 shoppers suggested a trip to Ikea was a source of friction for almost six out of 10 couples.
Fifty-nine per cent of respondents said they argue with their partners before, after or during shopping trips for furniture and household items.
Dr. Mark Leith, a psychiatrist and clinical teacher at the University of Toronto, says big-box stores such as Ikea are particularly stressful because they offer consumers so much choice.
"Couples become overwhelmed by the sheer size of the store," he said. "If the kids are with them that heats up things even more."
Smaller neighbourhood stores, he says, are more welcoming and make people feel less intimidated.
The relationship ire that Ikea can incite may also have something to do with the lifestyle that the ubiquitous stores have come to represent. For many, the furniture embodies the delicate transition from a collegiate lifestyle to one that is more upwardly mobile.
"A store like that appeals to middle-income couples with increasing financial burdens," said Leith, adding financial woes are often a source of tension between couples.
For many, the sight of painstakingly perfect rooms can be to much to handle.
"You get an overload of that domestic perfection," said O'Brien. "It becomes a nightmare ... The messiness of our emotional lives can't be reconciled with it."