Daily Dose - 010324 - pajama party, BIZARRE NEWS, True story, DDL, Hey Martha
Not another statuatory holiday ! Happy New Hijra New Year tomorrow ! (Hard to believe its 1421 already....)
A group of women at a pajama party, were giggling away as they tested and examined the numerous sex aids and items of sexy lingerie that were on display. After selecting the goods they wanted, they sat down to have a few drinks and a chat.
Inevitably, the conversation was devoted solely to sex. After sharing stories of their sordid sex lives for a couple of hours, one of the women drunkenly shrieked: "I'll never forget the look on my husband's face when he asked me if I'd enjoy having sex with a total stranger. "
At which point, she collapsed on the floor laughing hysterically.
When she'd eventually gathered her composure, the rest of the women who'd been sat waiting with baited breath for her to finish the story said: "Come on, tell us what you said?"
Once again the woman collapsed in a heap laughing hysterically. After about half-an-hour, she managed to pull herself together enough to put everyone out of their misery.
"Well, go on then, get on with it," everyone shouted.
The woman took a deep breath, and trying not to laugh, mumbled: "I said yeah, but on the condition that he's not as ugly as you!"
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BIZARRE NEWS
The first German serviceman killed in the war was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. So much for allies.
2. The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress)
3. At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was Called CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th. Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named "Amerika". All three were soon changed for PR purposes.
4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions your chance of being killed was 71%.
5. Generally speaking there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance Japanese ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.
6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.
YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE THIS ONE....
7. When allied armies reached the Rhine the first thing men did was pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed in the act).
8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City but it wasn't worth the effort.
9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.
10. Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army.
AND I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST....
11. Following a massive naval bombardment 35,000 US and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska. 21 troops were killed in the firefight. It would have been worse if there had been any Japanese on the island.
See, history can be fun!
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Bizarre Military Mishaps
Two U.S. Air Force F-15s shoot down two U.S. Army helicopters on a diplomatic mission over Iraq, mistaking them for hostile aircraft in the "no-fly zone," killing 26 people. No one was found criminally responsible.
A "siesta" ordered by Mexican General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna to his troops during a conflict between the Mexicans and Texans caused the infantry to be overtaken in just 18 minutes.
Fort Douaumont at Verdun in France was captured in 1916 by a single German soldier after French General Chretien forgot to pass on orders to defend the fort to the last man to his successor.
The Russians tried to wreak havoc on German Panzer divisions during the WWII by strapping bombs to the backs of dogs and teaching them to associate food with the underneath of their enemies' tanks. Unfortunately, the dogs only associated food with their own tanks and forced an entire Soviet division to retreat.
Japanese soldier Hiroo Onodo refused to stop fighting long after WWII was over, claiming that stories of the war's ending were mere propaganda. It wasn't until his commanding officer flew out to the remote Pacific island where Onoda was holed up and ordered him to lay down his arms that he finally complied.
Probably the most famous mistake in U.S. military history occurred in the Civil War, when Confederate Gen. Stonewall Jackson was mistakenly shot by one of his own troops after the Confederate triumph at Chancellorsville.
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Angry Mother Cries Fowl After Finding Chicken Head
HAMPTON, Virginia - A mother in Virginia was squawking mad after finding a fried chicken head in an order of chicken wings from McDonalds.
Katherine Ortega was putting what she thought was going to be chicken wings on plates for her two children when she noticed that one of the pieces had eyes and a beak.
Ortega called the McDonald's on Warwick near Hickory Point Boulevard where she purchased the dinner and told the restaurant manager about the peculiar piece of poultry in her possession. She was told to bring it back to the restaurant where she would be refunded with another box of chicken wings.
Ortega respectively declined saying she no longer had a taste for chicken and has reportedly contacted the FDA for advice on how to handle the incident.
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Fat Assed Thief Nabbed
MADRID, Spain Corpulent would be thief, Pedro Cardona attempted to enter a house to ply his trade by "squeezing" through a doggie door.
It was a lot like putting two pounds of bologna in a one pound bag as Cardona became wedged halfway through. Rescuers were forced to chop the door down with axes to free the thief.
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Posting Nude Photos on Web Poses Problem for Parolee
DENVER, Colorado - A brilliant parolee put herself back on the hot seat after posing naked for websites wearing only an electronic ankle monitoring bracelet and brandishing guns.
The nude photographs led authorities to search 32-year-old's Katica Crippen's home in Denver, Colorado where they found seven firearms.
Crippen, who had been on parole for 1997 convictions in Colorado Springs for selling drugs and theft, now faces additional charges of parole violation and felony firearm possession.
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Sex Experts Reveal How to Have Sex in Public Legally
According to Doctors Steve and Vera Bodansky, you can make love in public without getting arrested and, with practice, you can have three-hour orgasms.
In their new book, "Extended Massive Orgasm," the doctors explain how the human body contains electrical energy that can be trained to give you an immediate orgasm without having sex.
They say to start the process by touching your sex organs with one hand while touching your lips, toe or other non-sexual body part with the other for a few minutes. Then touch your partner with the "energized body part" and you reportedly will feel a sensation similar to an orgasm.
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Podiatrist Caught Giving Expensive Pedicures
NEW HAVEN, Connecticut - It could be considered the world's most expensive pedicure. Podiatrist Andrew Anastasio of West Haven pleaded guilty to charges of fraud after he billed Medicare for toenail clippings.
Anastasio submitted bills to Medicare that indicated he had performed nail avulsions, a surgical procedure which involves the partial or total removal of toenails, when all he really did was clip the toenails of his patients.
The 71-year-old podiatrist faces up to five years in federal prison, has forfeited his office, and has agreed to pay $986,801 to settle federal civil fraud claims.
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The King is Dead But Not Forgotten
The King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley, may be dead but his image lives on. A recent study has shown that since the King's death the number of Elvis has risen from 150 people to a hip-thrusting 85,000.
Officials predict that if the numbers continue to rise at the same rate, that impersonators could make up as much as one third of the world's population by the year 2019.
According to "Chinese Elvis" Paul Hyu, "If I'm going to have all this competition in the future, maybe I should branch out and do Alvin Stardust impressions instead. He's an untouched goldmine."
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True story:
Winston Churchill was visiting another country. The first evening there, at the state dinner, he pointed to the chicken entree and said, "May I have some breast?"
The hostess raised her eyebrows and curtly responded, "Mr. Churchill, in this country we ask for white meat or dark meat."
"My apologies, Madam, I was not aware of your customs."
The following day, a "thank you" gift was delivered to the party's hostess of a large orchid. The following was written on the note: "I would be obliged if you would pin this on your white meat
-- W. Churchill"
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DDL
Not needed are muscles to flex.
Or sight of some big beefy pecs.
A delicate flower,
Is holding the power,
As to whether you guys will have sex. :-)
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The Personal Ad:
SWM in dead-end job seeks dumpy neurotic for mutual psychological torture, tepid sex, and co-dependency.
I enjoy drinking, smoking, pornography, and self-righteous indignation.
I can't stand movies, and the last album I bought was The Marshall Tucker Band's Greatest Hits.
I have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by affecting a world-weary air, memorizing useless facts, and chuckling at my own mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes.
I'm 32 but look 40 and feel 60.
You are a whiny, bitter shrew with a misplaced sense of entitlement and unrealistic expectations. In time you will become coolly hostile when I don't fulfill every unmet need you've ever had.
Bonus points if you just finished screwing every guy in town and but now want to take it slow with me.
My perfect night would include getting hammered in a shit-hole bar while you flirt with seedy old drunks, followed by an embarrassing screaming match.
I would be open to an unsatisfying fling that leaves me filled with regret and dread but prefer a long-term, soul crushing descent into booze and pills.
No friendships. I don't need any goddamn friends.
Age unimportant, but I will condescend to women under 30 and rehash mother issues with women over 40.
Serious replies only, please.
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Q: Why couldn't the Greek boy run away from home?
A: He couldn't leave his brothers behind!
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Hey Martha (true)
Thursday, Jun. 01, 2000
Boy finds gem during school trip
HOPE, Ark. (AP) -- It's not THE Hope Diamond, but a half-carat yellow gem worth up to $700 will fit that bill for an elementary school student from, where else, Hope.
Eleven-year-old Steven Muldrew Jr., a student at the Clinton Primary School, found the diamond Tuesday at Crater of Diamonds State Park in Murfreesboro, the only diamond mine in North America.
Steven said he's not certain what he will do with the diamond. His father had the gem appraised at $600 to $700, said Feion Muldrew, the boy's mother.
Crater of Diamonds has yielded 252 diamonds this year, and 22,298 stones since it opened in 1972. A 51/2-carat white diamond was found on Mother's Day.
Tom Stolarz, assistant park superintendent, said Steven's stone is a .47-carat yellow diamond of good quality.
"This is a neat thing that a school boy found a diamond," he said. "He had quit digging ... and a teacher told him to go back down into the park, and at that point, he found the diamond."
The renowned 45.52-carat Hope Diamond is displayed at the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C.