Daily Dose - 010314 - STRAIN OF GONORRHEA, waiting for 'Mr. Right', Real Resignation Letters, pizza guy, DDL, Hey Martha
STRAIN OF GONORRHEA
A young couple went to the doctor for their annual physical exams. Afterwards, the doctor called the young man into his office and told him that he had some good news and some bad news.
"The good news," he explained, "is that your fiancee has a particular strain of gonorrhea that I have only heard of once before."
The guy paled. "If that's the good news, then what the hell is the bad news?"
"Well," the doctor elaborated, "the bad news is that I heard about it just last week from my dog's vet."
__________________________
Matters had progressed to the point where the freshman and his date were naked in the motel bed when the girl had a change of heart.
"I suppose you're going to tell me now that you're waiting for 'Mr. Right'," he said dejectedly.
"That's a silly old romantic notion," laughed the coed. "I'm just waiting for Mr. Big."
__________________________
Real Resignation Letters
The Resignation Letter of Mr. BN of London, United Kingdom
Why did you resign? Imminent global catastrophe, moistness, decay, coloured lights, voices
What are you going to do next? a) Praise the Lord b) Pass the baked beans
Job Title Acoustics Manager
Industry Telecommunications
What is your salary expectation? Below £15,000
Dear Raymond,
I feel I must resign because I need to press on with the construction of the bunker complex I have embedded beneath the herbaceaous borders in my back garden. The sudden and rather bowel-churning turn in international affairs has forced me to re-assess my position vis-a-vis employment with .
I fear that any day now 'A real rain's gonna fall' which will 'wash all the scum off of the streets'. Consequently, I believe that it would be imprudent to hang on and wait for my share options to mature, as all the economic signs point towards imminent dissolution of civilisation, followed by a period of universal suffering and despotic rule by sociopathic tyrants over feudal minions who spend their short, brutal lives tending failed crops in an ice-scarred wilderness.
I trust that when the hot wind of merciless wrath blows across this district that you and your family will be either vapourised painlessly or that you yourselves will have taken the necessary measures to ensure the survival of your kind.
Very best regards and good fortune.
___________________________
Heard this on Paul Harvey yesterday:
This pizza guy was delivering a pizza in Michigan. He got out of his car, went to the door, and was greeted by a semi-attractive young lady.
The lady had orange hair.
Instead of wanting to pay, the lady suggested that they have sex in exchange for the pizza.
The pizza guy politely declined.
That didn't stop old Orange Hair, though. She started touching the pizza guy, running her hands over him while she tried to talk him into having sex with her. Finally, she grabbed his crotch.
So the pizza guy backed away and started back down to the walk to his car.
She was all over him.
He broke into a run and climbed back into his delivery car. Started to pull away. Forgot he had the back window down, though.
Orange Hair was climbing in the car.
She got her hands all over him again, touching, fondling, grabbing his crotch again.
What saved him was a neighbor who happened to be looking out the window. He saw the whole thing and called the police -- who eventually arrived and broke it all up.
Oh, and why was the neighbor looking out the window? He was waiting for a pizza to be delivered. The pizza guy had gone to the wrong house.
__________________________
When Brother John wanted a screw,
He'd stuff a fat cat in a shoe,
Pull up his cassock,
And kneel on a hassock,
While doing his damnedest to mew.
_________________________
The Clinton legacy is eight years of sex between the Bushes...
_________________________
From The Guardian:
"After being charged 20 pounds for a 10 pounds overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name to "Yorkshire Bank are Fascist Bastards".
The Bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name."
_________________________
Did you know that an anagram for Mother-In-Law is Woman Hitler?
_________________________
Hey Martha (true)
Monday, January 29, 2001
Men trying to reverse circumcision
Organization helps those who want to get back what surgeons and mohels once removed
By SUSAN SKILES LUKE-- The Associated Press
CHICAGO (AP) -- Greg Beirise has never quite forgiven doctors for circumcising him 32 years ago, nor his parents for requesting the procedure.
"It always bothered me," said Beirise, a Web page developer from Chicago. "I just wanted to be whole."
Beirise is included in a group estimated to number several thousand men in the United States and other countries who are trying to take back what is cut away at birth by physicians and "mohels," or those trained to perform the sacred Jewish ceremony.
Brought together mainly over the Internet, these men are young, retired, straight, gay, blue collar, professional, Jew and gentile. They say they are growing back their foreskin, transforming themselves from circumcised to near natural in a few years for better sex, general comfort and emotional "healing."
Beirise has worn a pair of men's tall-size suspenders under his pants for the past four and a half years. The suspenders are attached to various devices -- from first-aid tape to a contraption made of halved plastic Easter eggs and copper wire -- that gently stretch the skin on his penis.
His goal: to grow back skin that resembles the foreskin he lost when he was circumcised.
Doctors say men like Beirise, who call themselves "tuggers," won't likely do himself any harm. Dr. William Reiner, a psychiatrist and urologist at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, said trying to regrow foreskin is safe, so long as men avoid cutting off their blood supply, piercing their skin or causing themselves any pain.
Experts say that the extent to which the skin grows back depends upon how much was cut away in the first place. They also say the new skin may not have the same sensitivity as the original would have.
But Reiner says that may not matter to some.
He says men who try to regrow their foreskin may be trying to restore "some sense of sexual function or maleness they think they've lost."
"And some are (trying to) restore something that was done to them when they were a baby and didn't have any say," Reiner said.
"These issues are more psychological than physical, and there's probably some placebo effect that's very helpful to them," he said.
The American Academy of Pediatrics in 1999 reversed its support for routine infant circumcision, citing questionable benefits and medical and anecdotal evidence that circumcised men have less penile sensitivity.
It was a move welcomed by R. Wayne Griffiths of Concord, Calif. The construction engineer and friend Tim Hammond put ads in local newspapers more than a decade ago inviting men to a support group for those hoping to restore their foreskins. The first meeting attracted 12 men, Griffiths said. And the response grew from there.
"We got 25 calls a week for the first few months," said Griffiths, a 67-year-old divorced father of five. Not bad for a subject most men were afraid to mention, he said.
Today, Griffiths says as many as 7,000 men of all descriptions have contacted him online or on the telephone about restoration. He now heads the National Organization for Restoring Men, or NORM, a group that has chapters in 20 states and six countries.
"It used to be hush-hush," said Leo Freyer, a retired engineering drafter in Spokane, Wash. "Now it's mainstream."
Those interested now buy books written on the topic -- the most popular, "The Joy of Uncircumcising," has gone through two editions and is on backorder at Amazon.com. Some 13,000 copies have been sold so far.
Guided by online instructions, many men make "uncircumcising" devices themselves, using adhesive-backed foam rubber, plumbing washers, empty pill bottles and rubber O-rings, among other things.
They also buy equipment designed for the purpose, including the $100 Tug Ahoy, which includes plastic Easter egg halves, and the wares of retired motorcycle dealer Roland Clark of Huntington Beach, Calif., who sells three patented products online for as much as $450 apiece.
Above all, men interested in the subject are computer savvy. One 3-year-old online discussion group on restoration has 400 to 650 members at any given time based in the U.S. and 16 other countries, said its moderator, Gary Burlingame. And Freyer, who edits an online directory, counts 69 Web sites and four chat rooms devoted to the topic, most of which he said have appeared within the past couple years.
They trade ideas and support because doctors often want no part of it, said Dr. Morrie Sorrells, a retired pediatrician in Atherton, Calif., who is on the board of NORM and practices uncircumcising techniques himself.
"The medical profession is conservative and tends to look askance at anything that is lay-oriented, or not originated by medicine," Sorrells, 62, said.
Reiner, the Johns Hopkins psychiatrist, agrees that physicians, for the most part, are not usually comfortable discussing sexual issues with their patients and tend to steer clear of such topics. For that reason, he said, foreskin restoration remains very much a quiet topic.
Though they are talkative with each other, many of those individuals -- no matter how mainstream they believe the practice is becoming -- say they're not likely to mention their activities in polite company anytime soon.
They say many people don't understand why they do it.
"Knowledge is the key," Freyer said. "They just don't know what they're missing."