Daily Dose - 010221 - taxis in Rome, BIZARRE NEWS, dead man's schlong, mutual orgasm, DDL, Hey Martha
An Italian cab driver was telling a passenger that only real men drive taxis in Rome.
"We use our left hand for signals and our right hand to wave at women," he proclaimed.
The tourist asked, "But how do you steer?"
"I just told you," the cabbie replied, "that only real men drive taxis in Rome."
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Thanksgiving Trivia
Cut and planed lumber was hard to come by in the New World, and since the Pilgrims didn't intend to go back to Europe, they dismantled the Mayflower and used it's lumber to build a barn.
Ben Franklin wanted the turkey, not the eagle, to be the U.S. national symbol. He considered the eagle a "bird of bad moral character" because it lives by being a shrewd thief.
Franklin Roosevelt tried to change the Thanksgiving holiday date to the next-to-last Thursday in November in order to create a longer Christmas shopping season, but was forced to move Thanksgiving back to its original date because of negative public response.
The heaviest turkey ever raised weighed in at 86 lbs, about the size of a large German Shepherd. It was grown in England.
When Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin sat down to eat their first meal on the moon, their foil food packets contained roasted turkey and all of the trimmings.
Turkeys can drown if they look up when it is raining.
Turkeys in fields near the Air Force test areas over which the sound barrier was broken were known to drop dead from the shock of passing jets.
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IOC Shoots Down Olympic Handgun Proposal
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah - The Olympic games are big business, and any product with an Olympic endorsement, be it condoms, beer or life insurance (yes, Olympic life insurance) stands to make a fortune.
But the International Olympic Committee has drawn the line at an official Olympic handgun.
Salt Lake County Sheriff Aaron Kennard spent two years lining up Swiss gun maker SIG Sauer and the Salt Lake Organizing Committee to provide the commemorative side arms. The company made two prototypes, a pair of .40-caliber semiautomatics engraved with the Olympic rings and gold script.
But the head of the IOC stopped the whole deal when he saw a sample. IOC spokesman Franklin Servan-Schreiber says guns and world peace don't mix.
"The rest of the world would not understand, nor accept, the idea of a firearm with the Olympic rings on it," he said.
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Over Zealous Cop Busted by Busty Teen
A Jacksonville Sheriff's department officer has been placed on desk duty for strip-searching a teenage girl in the back of his squad car.
Officer Bruce Van Nelson reported that he saw what he thought was a rock of crack cocaine in the car when he stopped the girl outside of the community pool. He took her to his vehicle and ordered her to remove her bikini top several times in order to search her.
The incident was witnessed by neighbors in a nearby apartment complex.
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Assault With a Deadly Peg leg
PEORIA, Illinois - Prisoners can never get a "leg up" in jail. At least not 21-year old Derrick Echols, who had his false leg confiscated when he assaulted fellow inmate Rick Grant with it.
According to Peoria County Sheriff Chuck Schofield, Echols's false leg fell off during the struggle so he grabbed it and tried to hit Grant. Because the limb was used as a weapon, the sheriff's office is treating it like a home-made knife or any other instrument that a prisoner might use to harm someone.
No new charges have been filed stemming from the courthouse assault, but the matter will be referred to the Peoria County State Attorney's office for review.
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"Smart" Toys Don't Like Abuse
Mattel Corporation has gotten into the high-tech act by producing a line of talking dolls. The strategy is to attract older girls who are tired of Barbie.
The new dolls, called Diva Starz, scream if their hair is pulled and object if you keep them in pajamas after the sun comes up.
More of these latest toys include robotic dogs, toys which communicate and new versions of dolls with change vocabulary and actions as they age.
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Dude Looks Like a Lady
BANGKOK - Kesaraporn Duangsawan had all the makings of a beauty queen. She had style, grace and poise.
However, she had one too many things...a penis.
Duangsawan won $138 dollars in a Thai beauty contest, until organizers discovered the beauty queen was a man.
The disgraced 22-year-old handed back the prize money five days after the annual Loy Krathong festival beauty pageant in the central Thai province of Ratchaburi.
According to officials, she only asked to keep the Miss Media runner-up sash as a memento.
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Four-Year-Old Falls 3,000 Meters
In what they hope to be a record-making jump, the parents of four-year-old Toni Stadler pushed him out of a plane at 3,000 meters above South Africa.
The family, from Essen, Germany, spend about nine months a year in Cape Town where Toni's father, Christian Stadler, works as a sports therapist. Both Christian and his wife are avid sky-divers, and when young Toni started asking if he could jump too, his mother couldn't refuse.
The youngster was strapped to jump master Paul Lutge's chest in a tandem dive. They were in freefall for half a minute before opening the parachute.
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A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity." And the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong.
The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and he opened his briefcase.
"Oh, my god!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"
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Judi and Gayle, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench.
Gayle says, "You know, Judi, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'. 'Mutual orgasm' here and 'mutual orgasm' there -- that's all they talk about. Tell me, Judi, when your Amanpreet was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?"
Judi thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."
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DDL
A pitiful case is young Rex
With his bulgingly masculine pecs
And biceps the size
Of a weightlifter's thighs,
For he's thinking of changing his sex
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Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
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I don't really enjoy sex. I just pretend I do to get girls to sleep with me. - Byron Alley
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"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting to get into the bathroom." -- Bob Hope
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Hey Martha (true)
Tuesday, July 25, 2000
Building's septic tank missing
BREMO BLUFF, Va. (AP) -- When the toilet at the local post office began overflowing a few months ago, the building's septic tank became like a long overdue letter -- no one could find it.
Erected in the 1950s or possibly earlier, the post office apparently was built without a septic tank. Even Postmistress Joan Colley doesn't know where its sewage line goes.
Workmen hired to fix the overflow couldn't find a tank, and when they tried to install one with a drain field they discovered the soil was unsuitable.
That started a rumor about shutting down the office. Instead, a portable toilet was installed outside the building to clear the air on both counts.
Meanwhile, the Fluvanna County Board of Supervisors agreed to allow a contractor to haul the waste to another location for disposal. While a contract is arranged, the portable toilet will have to do.
At least, Colley said, she won't have to keep bothering former Postmistress Margie Reardon, whose nearby home has served as a relief station.
"It's so embarrassing," Colley said Monday.