Daily Dose - 010207 - Let Your Rosebuds Show, BIZARRE NEWS, Sexual Dysfunction, DDL, Hey Martha
Let Your Rosebuds Show!
The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitches a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that !!!!
The teenager tells her, "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her Grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it just is not acceptable.
The grandmother says, "Loosen up Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."
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BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre National Holidays
NOVEMBER IS
November is... International Drum Month
November is... Peanut Butter Lover's Month
November is... Slaughter Month
November 1 is ... Plan Your Epitaph Day
November 4 is... Waiting For The Barbarians Day
November 5 is... Gunpowder Day
November 8 is... Dunce Day
November 9 is... Chaos Never Dies Day
November 13 is... National Indian Pudding Day
November 18 is... Occult Day
November 20 is... Absurdity Day
November 22 is... Start Your Own Country Day
November 28 is... Make Your Own Head Day
November 30 is... Stay At Home Because You're Well Day
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Animal Offender Has Investigators Saying EWWWE!
WATERLOO, Iowa - Robert A. Broderson, 45, was found naked and hiding in a hayloft at the Hawkeye Community College farm with a ewe tied up in the corner.
According to police, the farm manager examined the ewe and determined it had been sexually assaulted.
It was also mentioned that a blue nightie was found next to the ewe, but police refused to comment whether it was for Broderson or the sheep.
Broderson is being held on $75,000 bond on charges of animal abuse, a misdemeanor punishable by up to two years in prison, and criminal trespassing, a misdemeanor carrying a maximum 30-day jail sentence.
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Boy Has Swell Time Playing Hide and Seek with Mom
AKRON, Ohio - John Wadsworth, 10, picked a bad place to play hide and go seek.
The youngster was hiding in a pile of leaves in the back yard of a home his family was renovating, when his mother drove their minivan across the yard. One of the tires rolled over the boy's face, causing his face to swell.
Officials said that luckily the ground underneath his head was soft, giving way when the van ran over him, preventing more serious injury.
Traffic officer Jeffrey Ross said if the van had been a few inches over either way, the boy's windpipe or sternum could have been crushed.
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Biting the Hand That Feeds You
ATHENS, Greece - Someone should have checked their records a little more closely when police in the northern Greek city of Thessaloniki raided the Tutti Frutti strip club, only to discover it was a major sponsor of their union magazine.
A total of six women employees were arrested and detained on suspicion of being illegal immigrants. Officers realized a few hours later that the club was a financial backer of their bi-monthly magazine "Police Forum."
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Woman Tries to Avoid Arrest with A Breast
GERMANY - A forty-three-year-old German woman did more than flash a license at police during a routine traffic stop. The woman flashed her breasts at the police and then drove off at high speed.
She was eventually trapped by a police patrol car in a dead end street in Oberhausen, but she refused to get out of the car and locked the doors. The woman finally gave herself up after one of the officers smashed a side window and grabbed her car keys.
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Artist Cheeses Off Neighbors With Art Project
WYOMING - You would think this had to happen in Wisconsin.
Artist Cosimo Cavallaro plans to dribble up to 45 stones of melted cheese on a vacant house in Wyoming.
Neighbors oppose this idea, saying the project may pose sanitary and health problems and have complained to the local council and newspapers.
Cavallaro says he is not put off by residents' concerns. He plans to launch the project within the next month.
"This concerns me." remarked one neighbor. "I think it would be okay if it were out in the country, but eight feet from my baby's window is too close."
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Birds, Bees, and Billy Goats?
SWAZILAND, South Africa - A classroom full of students got a quick lesson about the birds and the bees after two goats invaded their classroom at Timphisini Central High School in Swaziland.
As the classroom erupted into catcalls and applause, an angry teacher tried to cane the pupils into silence resulting in a class-wide boycott.
The students reportedly told officials they would call off their boycott once the school erects a fence to keep amorous animals off of the property.
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Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives
COPENHAGEN, Denmark - Sows need sun lotion to enjoy summer mating, a Danish pig expert says.
"One can imagine that a sow doesn't like having a 250 kg breeding boar mounting her if her back is scorched by the sun," the daily newspaper Politiken on Friday quoted Liselotte Madsen as saying.
[Who does?]
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Sexual Dysfunction
"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."
The Doctor looked at the man, and replied, "Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the Doctor requested. "Now turn all the way around...Lie down please...Uh- huh, I see. OK, you may put your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
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DDL
My baby loves various funks
And comments on each of my spunks.
At times she smells bleach,
At other times, beach.
And sometimes, the fighting of skunks.
A scientist from Russia named Adam
Took a pot shot at splitting the atom.
He blew off his penis,
And now, just between us,
Is known in the Kremlin as Madam.
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The world really isn't any worse than before.
It's just that the news coverage is so much better!
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There was a Great Dog Convention.
They come from near and far.
Some came on bicycles,
and some came in cars.
Y'know, before they could enter,
or even take a look,
they had to take their asshole off,
and hang it on a hook.
But before they even got seated,
(every mother, pup, and sire),
An old dog hollered from the back,
"Run for your life. It's a FIRE!"
The crowd of dogs began to panic,
and nobody stopped to look.
They grabbed the very nearest asshole,
off the very nearest hook.
And this is why, even today,
a dog will drop a bone,
to sniff another dog's asshole,
to see if it's his own.
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Q: Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain?
A: Lawn Boy.
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Without Forethought [Adultish]
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
- Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts About You......
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
- Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
Strip Mall......
My husband and I took our three kids out shoe shopping one day. We were going from store to store, and the kids were getting restless. At one crowded store, I was standing near a bench when my 3-year-old climbed up on it, grabbed hold of my elastic-waist shorts, and jumped off-pulling both my shorts and my underwear to the floor. I raced out of there, much to the delight of the appreciative onlookers.
- Patricia Lamond-Stocksick, 35, Lathrop, CA
Curl up and die.....
I once walked into a hair salon- with my husband and three kids in tow -- and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
- Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
Pad, please!.....
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
- Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
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Hey Martha (true)
Monday, November 20, 2000
Bush beats Gore to become King
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) -- Weaver High School made Bush a winner.
Too bad leadership of the free world wasn't at stake Saturday.
A crown, a scepter and a $35 dance ticket refund was all Terrell Bush got for defeating Johnny Gore in the fight for homecoming king.
During a less-than-intensive two-week campaign, Gore, 17, asked friends to vote for him and Bush, 18, handed out tickets and posted some fliers around school. Otherwise, the popularity contest went largely unnoticed by the outside world.
But as the chaos of the national election evolved, people noticed that the kids' surnames were the same as those in the presidential matchup.
"It was funny at first," said Gore, who is also on the football team. "It doesn't really matter. It's not like we're taking over the school."
It seems similarities weren't limited to namesakes. A third candidate, Marques Julius, was feared to have affected the race's outcome by siphoning votes from the leading challengers. Also, ballots from three of the school's 66 homerooms were disqualified because of improper handling.
But Fitzgerald Heslop, student council president, said they don't do recounts at Weaver.