Daily Dose - 010131 - Bush and Cheney, Be strong and I love you, Australian regiment, REAL DMV ANSWERS, DDL, Hey Martha
Bush and Cheney are having lunch at a diner near the White House. Cheney orders the "Heart-Healthy" salad.
Bush leans over to the waitress and says "Honey, could I have a quickie?"
She's horrified! She says, "Mr. President, I thought your administration would bring a new era of moral rectitude to the White House. Now I see I was wrong and I'm sorry I voted for you," and she marches off.
Cheney leans over and says, "George, I think it's pronounced 'QUICHE'."
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An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison.
While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed.
He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room.
As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!. Be strong and I love you."
After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck....He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you too."
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During world war II, an Australian regiment opened fire on an American battalion that were boarding a train in Brisbane, because "Americans were stealing our women."
About 90 Americans and 30 Australians died, and a couple of hundred were hospitalized.
The number of American servicemen in Australia remained at over 300 thousand through 1941-1944, while the population of Australia was about 7.5 million.
American servicemen composed ~10% of the male population in Australia at that time, and over 30% of men between ages 18-35.
After July 1942, newspapers were censored to stop the front-page headlining stories of inter-national sex whipping even more of a frenzy in Australia.
At that time, sex before marriage was frowned upon in most countries.
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REAL DMV ANSWERS
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
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DDL
In China, so scholars now say,
To kill off the sperm, here's one way:
Drink cotton seed oil,
Your spunk you will spoil...
A great Chinese sperm take-away.
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I went to the race track and bet on a horse that was so good that it took seven others to beat him!
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My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.... Unless there are three other people with me."
-- Orson Welles
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During World War II the Australian army used "We're off to see the Wizard" as a marching song
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Hey Martha (true)
Friday, January 19, 2001
Clinton protest ends with haircut
MEXICO, Mo. (AP) -- Clinton is out, Bush is in, and Harry isn't hairy anymore.
Harry Hunt, a Vietnam veteran, was upset when Bill Clinton took office, feeling he had avoided war service in a dishonest way. As a protest, Hunt decided he wouldn't cut his hair until Clinton left office.
Eight years and 28 inches of hair later, Hunt got a haircut. The long-overdue grooming took place Jan. 13 in this northeast Missouri town.
"It wasn't an issue of Clinton being a Democrat or a Republican," Hunt said. "It was the idea he was a confessed draft dodger and he was commander and chief of the armed forces."
Hunt's hair, which reached to around his belt, caused difficulties in his work as a mechanic.
"It was a challenge, especially working around mechanical equipment," he said. "I just pulled it in a pony tail all the time."
Hunt sent the lobbed-off hair to "Locks for Tots," a charitable organization that makes wigs for seriously ill children.