Daily Dose - 010130 - SUNBURN TREATMENT, BIZARRE NEWS, SCARY EXPERIENCE, DDL, Hey Martha
SUNBURN TREATMENT
A doctor is making his rounds in the hospital when he comes upon a guy with the worst case on sunburn he has ever seen. The poor guy is burnt raw from head to toe and is in agony. He says to the doctor, "Is there anything you can give me to ease this terrible pain?"
So the doctor says, "Yes, I'll prescribe you some Viagra."
"Viagra?" says the poor guy. "How will that help my sunburn?"
"It won't help your sunburn much," says the doctor, "but at least it'll keep the sheets off it!"
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BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Historical Trivia
100 years ago....
Only 14 percent of the homes in the United States had a bathtub.
There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the twenty-first most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average wage in the U.S. was twenty-two cents an hour. The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Drive-by-shootings - in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy - were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West.
Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered yet. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
Some medical authorities warned that professional seam-stresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm of the sewing machine's foot pedals. They recommended slipping bromide - which was thought to diminish sexual desire - into the woman's drinking water.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine.
There were about 230 reported murders in the U.S. annually.
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Romanian Prostitute Refuses to Blow Her Virgin Status
BARLAND, Romania - Even prostitutes have their virtues.
"Alicia", a working girl from Barland, Romania, is refusing to have full sexual intercourse because she wants to keep her virginity. Instead, she offers a whole range of sexual services to customers to pay for tuition at the University of Bucharest.
The 24-year-old says she does not feel guilty about what she does. "It's a game and I have the right to a double life and as long as I remain a virgin I feel I can still get married with a clear conscience," she said.
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Teenager Fails to Gear Up for Hijacking
EDMONTON, Canada - That's a Canuck for you. A teenager had to abandon a car-jacking because he couldn't use the vehicle's manual stick-shift.
The young man approached a woman driver in a Toronto parking lot, pulled a knife and told her to get out. But once he got in he was stymied by the manual transmission.
After trying unsuccessfully to threaten another person into driving the car for him, he gave up and fled. The suspect was arrested later while trying to hijack yet another car.
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Medic Denies Playing "Doctor" with Co-workers
PAVIA, Italy - Playing "doctor" with fellow co-workers landed an Italian medical orderly in a heap of trouble.
While working in the San Matteo clinic in Pavia, Italy, the 38-year-old videoed himself acting out his sexual fantasies with a doctor, a technician and several nurses. He, and his partners, now face dismissal after a colleague accidentally found the pornographic pictures which the orderly had stored on a work computer.
The orderly has protested to the charges claming that there is a conspiracy against him. He even went as far as to find a man who looked like him who, he insists, is the person in the films.
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Fountain of Youth Discovered Between The Sheets
LONDON - Researchers in London have discovered the true "fountain of youth."
According to authors of a new book, "Secrets of the Superyoung," Energetic love-making can reduce fatty tissue and release endomorphins from the brain which are natural painkillers and reduce anxiety.
Edinburgh psychologist David Weeks and science writer Jamie James reached their conclusions after interviewing 95 people in Scotland who looked very young for their ages. Research revealed that sex was a big factor in their youthful appearance.
The authors concluded by stating, "As much as any other physical activity, sex is an important part of life for young-looking people from late adolescence or early adulthood throughout their entire lives."
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Blind Lookout Man Botches Robbery Attempt
PAWTUCKET, Rhode Island - It was a case of the blind leading the blind when Kenneth Bartelson used his legally blind brother, Eugene Allen, as a lookout man during an attempted robbery.
Allen, who can only see shadows and black and white, reportedly came out of the apartment he and his brother were robbing and stood next to the neighbor who had seen them and called 911.
"When he saw the second-floor neighbor, he thought it was his brother," Detective Raymond Johnston said.
Bartelson saw the officers and tried to flee, leaving his brother behind. However, his car was boxed in, so he took off running and was apprehended by two officers on a nearby street.
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Crime Definitely does not Pay for Impatient Burglar
FRAMINGHAM, Massachusetts - Patience was definitely not a virtue for a burglar in Massachusetts.
A security tape at a convenience store reveals that the suspect first broke into the store, returned to his truck to retrieve something and let the door close behind him so he had to force his way back in.
Next, he pushed and pulled on the cash machine but couldn't break in, so he got back in his truck and rammed the store and the ATM.
When he still couldn't get in, he threw his arms up and walked out empty-handed.
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SCARY EXPERIENCE
One night at about 3 am my wife was getting up from the throne to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the bathroom with her.
She of course froze and listened attentively for any further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again! She froze, not breathing.....Silence. Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from the bathroom.
This time the noise was accompanied by something touching the back of her leg! That was, of course, too much to bear. She literally flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot board by a couple feet, to land screaming by my side. This is not a pleasant way to wake up.
Scrambling into consciousness, now scared half to death myself, I managed to get the light on.
The culprit was right there in plain sight, a trail of toilet paper neatly marked the path from bed to bath.
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DDL
I abhor the onslaught of snow,
When the cold makes a man...well, you know,
Shrivel up like a raisin.
I find it amazin'
There exist any young Eskimo.
She demanded I gave her affection
Then opened her thighs for inspection;
I found her quite nice
'Til I noticed the lice
And immediately lost my erection.
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Innuendo: An Italian suppository
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What is the difference between a bad golfer and a bad scuba diver?
Bad Golfer: *Whack*...."Damn!!!"
Bad Scuba Diver: "Dam!!!"....*Whack*!!!
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"Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected us as kids, we'd all run around in a darkened room munching pills and listening to repetitive music."
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Hey Martha (true)
Saturday, December 16, 2000
Man sprays women with urine and salad oil
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) -- A man accused of spraying women with a mixture of urine and salad oil will has been sentenced to cleaning restrooms and animal cages at the zoo.
Michael Cautela, 39, pleaded no contest this week in Franklin County Municipal Court to two counts of aggravated menacing.
"You seem to like waste products," Judge James Fais said to Cautela.
Police say he sprayed two women with the mixture July 6 outside a bookstore. When asked why he did it, Cautela said: "I just like to see ladies with oil on them."
Besides 300 hours cleaning, Cautela was sentenced to five years' probation.