Daily Dose - 000607 - mouse sex, pills, super sex, ass hair, feel your breasts, shooting, Sportsmen's quotes, how much do you earn

Today's collection is courtesy of John in Qatar...

Is the mouse you are using a MALE or FEMALE ?

How to check on this ?

Make a guess before you scroll down for the answer.....

Please do not "overturn" your mouse to check on its gender! Scroll down further for the real answer.....

Answer :

Just check whether your mouse is using a PAD or not...

If YES, it's a FEMALE !
If NO, it's a MALE !

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A woman walks into her sex therapist's office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover and asks what she can do about it. The therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and tell her what happened.

The next day the woman comes in ecstatic, telling the therapist that the pill worked and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it.

The next day the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills. The therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it.

The next day the woman comes in limp but happy and tells the therapist that the sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave her husband the rest of the bottle, the therapist says that since it's an experimental drug, she doesn't know what a full bottle could do to a person. Anyway, the woman leaves the therapist's office.

A month later, a boy walks into the therapists office and says: "Are you the dumb f*ck who gave my mother a bottle of experimental pills?"

"Why, yes, young man, I did, Why?"

"Well, mom's dead, my sister's pregnant, my ars* hurts, and dad's sittin' in the corner going 'Here, kitty, kitty, kitty......."

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A married couple in their 80's had been married for over 50 years. The wife had not had sex in so long that she decided to try something different to get her husband aroused.

She went to an exotic shop and bought a satin red cape. She went home and ran upstairs to get ready while her husband sat in front of the t.v. watching football. She ran downstairs and stood directly in front of the t.v. with nothing but the cape and and yelled at her husband, "Are you ready for some SUPER SEX??!!!"

And the husband said, "I'll take the soup!"

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One night a man his wife and a friend decided to have dinner together, so after eating they opened a couple of bottles of wine. Upon finishing the wine the friend realized it was late and he should go home, but the man insisted he stay the night, because he was drunk and in no condition to drive. The man finally agreed. One problem occurred though they had no guest bedroom and their couch was small and uncomfortable.

So the mans wife said "Why doesn't he just sleep with us?" The two men agreed and promptly headed for bed.

A few hours after they had gone to sleep the mans wife woke his friend and said hey, wanna have a good time? The man was like NO he'll wake up. She said no he won't watch, so the woman reached over and pulled out one of the hairs on her husbands ass and sure enough nothing happened. So the wife and the mans friend screwed.

About an hour later the wife woke the mans friend again and said I want more. The man decided to test his friend to see if he was awake, so he pulled out another ass hair and he didnt wake up.

This happened 2 more times and when the friend pulled out another one of the mans ass hairs the man turned over and said, "Look I don't care if you screw my wife but stop using my ass as a score board!!"

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An old man on the beach walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini, "I want to feel your breasts" he exclaimed.

"Get away from me, you crazy old man" she replied.

"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars" he says.

Again, she told him, "Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!

I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS" he says.

"NO! Get away from me"

"TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" he says.

She pauses to think about it, but then comes to her senses and says "I said NO!"

"FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts" he says.

She thinks, well, he is old, and he seems harmless enough... and five hundred dollars IS a lot of money.... "Well, OK...but only for a minute" she says.

She loosens her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slides his hands underneath and begins to feel... and then he starts saying, "OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD..." while he is caressing them. So out of curiosity, she asks him, "Why do you keep saying 'Oh my god, oh my god'?"

While continuing to feel her breasts he answers: "OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD... Where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?"

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A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it`s too risky to operate.

All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong" asks the mother. "I was having a wee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter.

The mother tells her it's okay andxplains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks into the room in tears. "Mom, I was having a wee and this bullet came out".

Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. "It's okay" says the mom,"I know what happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out."

"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."

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Keen Sportsmen on Our TV's - Why? See Below

"The record is 38 seconds, one of the best times ever"

"This boy swims like a greyhound..."

"The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing nation"

"Born in Italy, most of his fights have been in his native New York"

"This boxing ring looks small, although it's a standard size. Mind you we're watching the fight in this huge stadium, so Einstein's theory of relativity must be working here"

"It's a unique occasion really...a repeat of Melbourne 1977..."

"The match in South Africa starts in ten minutes - that's ten minutes our time of course!"

"And Keegan was there like a surgeon's knife - BANG!"

"My left foot is not one of my best"

"Some of these players have never even dreamt of playing in a Wembley Cup final - and here they are, fulfilling those same dreams"

"Bristol City were 4 - 0 up at half time, all of the goals being scored in the first 45 minutes"

"And with the very last kick of the game McDonald scores with a header"

"Well it's Ipswich 0, Liverpool 2, and if the score stays like that, you've got to fancy Liverpool to win"

"We are now in the 3rd and final quarter of the game"

"You can cut the tension here with a cricket stump"

"He's in front of everyone in this race, except the two cars in front of him"

"I make no apologies for their absence; I'm sorry they're not here"

"And how long have you had this lifelong ambition?"

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Q:- What do you call a leper a bath?

A:- Stew.

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Q:- What goes, 'Click, click, click, click did I get it? Click, click, click, click did I get it?'

A:- A blind man playing Rubik's cube.

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Then there was the 'Happy Campers' nudist camp in Dorset, which posted this sign after Guy Fawkes night 'Clothed for the Winter'.

While in the Summer they had the sign 'Please bare with us'.

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A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

"Daddy, may I ask you a question?"

"Yeah sure, what is it?"

"Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"

"That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.

"I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy.

"If you must know, I make $20 an hour."

"Oh" the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I please borrow $10?"

The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so that you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. I work long hard hours everyday and don't have time for such childish behaviour."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son.

May be there was something he really needed to buy with that $10. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep, son?" he asked.

"No Daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy

"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on your earlier," said the man. "It's been a long day, and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's that $10 you asked for"

The little boy sat straight up, smiling, "Oh, thank you Daddy!" he yelled.

Then reaching under his pillow he pulled out some money The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, "Why do you want more money if you already have some?" the father grumbled.....

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy, I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."

Share this story with someone you like. But even better, share $20 worth of time with someone you love.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.