Daily Dose - 000606 - traffic patrol, Teletubbie test, Tech Support stories, European condoms, Signs you may be a Canadian, Microsoft Employment test

Today's 'Dose' courtesy of Joe in Calgary....

A report has revealed that two traffic patrol officers from Newcastle were involved in an unusual incident whilst checking for speeding motorists on the Pacific Highway between Gosford and Cooranbong.

Last May, they were using a hand-held radar device to trap unwary motorists at the bottom of a long descent, as these small minded types often do. One of the officers used the device to check the speed of an approaching vehicle, and was surprised to find that his target had registered a speed in excess of 800 km/h.

Thinking that all his Christmases had arrived at once, he pulled over a very tired Leyland P-76 and ordered the driver out of the car. After booking the incredulous motorist for 813km/h, the officer returned to his duties, feeling very satisfied with himself. He then discovered that the $15,000 machine had seized up and could not be re-set.

Following a complaint by the bemused motorist that his P-76 Leyland could hardly manage 110km/h, let alone a speed close to the speed of sound, charges were dropped.

Investigations eventually revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to an RAAF FA-18 aircraft coming in from the Tasman Sea, while taking part in a simulated low-flying exercise over the area around the Williamtown air base.

In a futile attempt to issue the same infringement notice to the pilot of the FA-18, it was revealed that the officers had a lucky escape - the tactical computer on board the aircraft not only detected and jammed the "hostile" radar equipment, but had automatically armed an air-to-ground missile ready to neutralise the perceived threat.

Luckily the RAAF pilot was alerted to the missile status and was able to override the automatic protection system before the missile launched. The radar units have since been modified to ignore any readings over 300km/h, and the RAAF has been ordered to switch off the jamming capabilities of their radar units while in exercise only mode.

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This test is so realistic it is scary!!!!!!!

It s amazing how these things really work! How do they do it??

The following test was developed by a combination of top U.S.and European psychologists. The results are extremely accurate in describing your personality with one simple question.

Which is your favorite Teletubbie:
A. Yellow
B. Purple
C. Green
D. Red

(scroll down for psychological profile)

A. You chose the Yellow Teletubbie. You are gay.
B. You chose the Purple Teletubbie. You are gay.
C. You chose the Green Teletubbie. You are gay.
D. You chose the Red Teletubbie. You are gay.

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Tech Support stories

At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus.

She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbour's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.

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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." (At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

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Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer "No..."

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Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

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Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
Customer: "I can't open the box."
Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."
Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

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Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive - go to A:/ and type 'dir'."
Customer: reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.
Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again."
Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place - it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"
Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"
Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key... does that matter?

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At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.
Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."
Customer: "What is that?"
Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."
Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar ..."

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BERLIN (Reuters) - A study has found that the standard European Union size of condom is often too big for German men, a magazine reported Sunday.

Focus magazine said a study by leading German condom manufacturer Condomi found standard-sized condoms falling off half of the men studied.

``The average German penis is about 3.5 to 4 millimeters (0.13 to 0.15 inches) too narrow for the standard EN 600 condom,'' the magazine wrote.

The EU set the EN 600 guidelines for rubber condoms in 1996 to establish a uniform standard across Europe.

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Signs you may be a Canadian

1.You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2.You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk".
3.You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine".
4.You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5.You drink pop, not soda.
6.You know what it means to be on pogey.
7.You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
8.You let the government change your national anthem and now you don't know the words, but its no big deal.
9.You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
10.You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
11.You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
12.You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
13.When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
14.You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he (or she) has.
15.You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
16.Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
17.You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
18.You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
19.You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
20.You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
21.You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
22.You patiently read this list instead of just scanning it.

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There "ARE" two (quite similar) answers to this.....

Allegedly, this is one of the questions for potential Microsoft employees. I must warn you, you can really get caught up trying to solve this problem. Reportedly, one guy solved it by writing a C program, although that took him 37 minutes to develop (compiled and ran on the 1st try though). Another guy solved it in three minutes. A group of 50, at Motorola, couldn't figure it out at all. See how long it takes you.

Here we go...

"U2" has a concert that starts in 17 minutes and they must all cross a bridge to get there. All four men begin on the same side of the bridge. You must help them across to the other side. It is night.

There is one flashlight. A maximum of two people can cross at one time. Any party who crosses, either 1 or 2 people, must have the flashlight with them. The flashlight must be walked back and forth, it cannot be thrown, etc.

Each band member walks at a different speed. A pair must walk together at the rate of the slower man's pace:
*Bono: - 1 minute to cross
*Edge: - 2 minutes to cross
*Adam:- 5 minutes to cross
*Larry: - 10 minutes to cross

For example: if Bono and Larry walk across first, 10 minutes have elapsed when they get to the other side of the bridge. If Larry then returns with the flashlight, a total of 20 minutes have passed and you have failed the mission.

Notes: There is no trick behind this. It is the simple movement of resources in the appropriate order. There are two known answers to this problem. This is based on a question Microsoft gives to all prospective employees.

Note: Microsoft expects you to answer this question in under 5 minutes!

Good Luck!