Daily Dose - 000605 - tiny seeds, Bizarre News, winking, Rejected Names for Beanie Babies, Brides of Christ, DDL, Hey Martha
I took my 4 year old son, Josh, out to McDonalds for dinner one evening for a "guy night". As we were eating our hamburgers, Josh asked "daddy, what are these little things on the hamburger buns?"
I responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat.
He was quiet for a couple of minutes and I could tell he was in deep thought. Finally, Josh looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our back yard, we will have enough hamburgers to last forever."
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Bizarre News...
Bizarre Trivia
A $2 tax was proposed in the Rhode Island legislature in the 1970s on every act of sexual intercourse.
Beer was not sold in bottles until 1850. Before then, if you wanted beer, you had to bring it home from the local tavern in a bucket made especially for it.
A person who is lost and starving can obtain nourishment by chewing on his shoes, provided they are made of leather.
In the late nineteenth century doctors discovered a Mexican porter named Paul Rodrigues who had a horn more than 4" long protruding from the upper part of his forehead.
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Who Wears The Pants In The Family?
BUDAPEST, Hungary - The phrase "Let's be frank with each other," takes on a whole new meaning for a married couple in Budapest who are planning a sex change surgery that will allow them to switch genders.
The operation is scheduled for August, said a doctor at Saint George's Hospital in Szekesfehervar. The couple are currently receiving hormone treatments in preparation for the surgery.
The woman was identified as a 26-year-old named Andrea. Her husband was not identified.
[Can't blame him.]
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Beware of Cat
ROME - A man who kept wild animals in his home in southern Italy was found dead - eaten by a lion, Italian news reports said Sunday.
Police said the man kept a lion, tigers and a panther in the basement of his house, as well as many dogs and cats. Authorities said they were investigating if the 50-year-old man was alive when attacked by the lion or if he had died a natural death a few days earlier while in the cage and the animal, with no one to feed it, then ate the body.
The reports said the man apparently didn't have the permits necessary to keep exotic animals as house pets.
[Ah-ha! If he only had the permit this tragedy might have been avoided.]
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This Bud's For You
PORT O'CONNOR, Texas - Two commercial fishermen are in deep trouble for what authorities say was their unique interpretation of the slogan, "This Bud's For You."
Daniel Joseph Doiron, 37, of Louisiana, and Robert Charles Johnson, 41, of Port Bolivar, are accused of stealing a Budweiser beer truck.
"They were laughing when they got to jail," a sheriff said. "And when they sobered up they still thought it was funny, but they won't think it's so funny when the judge sees them."
The men stole the refrigerated 18-wheeler as its driver was making a delivery inside Clark's Seafood Restaurant. A deputy pulled the truck over a few minutes later.
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Nude Dancing Club Skirts Ordinance
FORT VALLEY, Ga. - A nude dancing club has found a clever way to skirt a Peach County ordinance banning the sale of alcohol at such establishments.
Customers pay a $7 cover charge at the Neon Cowboy, which offers patrons an eyeful of nude dancers, but no alcohol. If a patron wants a beer, he simply tells security. Then he is whisked in a golf cart the 1,000-plus-feet east to Boss Hawgs II Bikini Co., where waitresses are clad in bikinis but the beer flows freely.
The golf cart ride is free and there's no cover charge at Boss Hawgs.
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The FDA has ordered the Earth Care company to immediately stop selling "ear candles." The device creates a suction which is said to be "helpful for headaches" when lit at one end and stuck in the ear.
(No ruling yet on "nose sparklers.)
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Morris with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says,
"This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."
"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
So Morris reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all those condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
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"With a single stroke of a brush," said the art teacher, taking his class around the National Gallery, "Joshua Reynolds could change a smiling face to a frowning one."
"That's nothing," said Little Johnny, "So can my mother."
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The Top 16 Rejected Names for Beanie Babies
16 Shapiro the Snake
15 Wheezy the Emphysemic Rat
14 Tapey the Worm
13 Limpy the Octopalegic Centipede
12 Roadkill the Dog
11 Zsa Zsa the Boar
10 Retchy the Wino
9 Anna Nicole the Buzzard
8 Newtie the Embattled House Speaker
7 The Antelope Formerly Known as Prince
6 Truman Coyote
5 Hooters the Exotic Dancer
4 Spanky the Monkey
3 Dolly the Sheep and Dolly the Sheep
2 Sucker the Beanie Baby Collector
and TopFive.com's Number 1 Rejected Name for Beanie Babies...
1 L'Orange the Duck
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At a Mass at which some young ladies were to take their final vows to become nuns, the Bishop presiding noticed two Rabbis enter the church just before the service began.
They insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The Bishop wondered why they had come, but he didn't have time to inquire before the Mass began.
When it came time for the announcements, the Bishop's curiosity got the better of him. He welcomed the two Rabbis and asked why they had chosen to be present at this occasion where the young ladies were to become the "Brides of Christ."
The elder of the Rabbis slowly rose to his feet and explained, "Family of the Groom."
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DDL
There once was a nasty old ho
Who opened up a bakery sto
You might not find it funny
But she saved lots of money
Because she had her own yeast for the dough
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What do you get when you cross Viagra and Rogaine?
Don King.
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The love of money is the root of all evil,
and man NEEDS roots!
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Some Very Bright Women
1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
-Dolly Parton
2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
-Erica Jong
3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
-Rita Rudner
4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
-Rita Rudner
5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
-Wendy Liebman
6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
-Erma Bombeck
7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing 'em.
-Sue Grafton
8. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr
9. I think, therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead
10. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler
11. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson
12. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
-Gilda Radner
13. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher
14. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinhem
15. Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
-Glori Steinhem
16. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
-Marie Corelli
17. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
-Baroness Edith Summerskill
18. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
-Linda Ellerbee
19. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Hey Martha (true)
Wednesday, Apr. 5, 2000
Baby kangaroo has court hopping
EASTON, Pa. (AP) -- Robin Wilson was waiting to testify in a telephone harassment case when Hope sprung.
Hope is the name of the 6-month-old, 21/2-pound kangaroo that Wilson had brought to court in a knapsack.
"It's like a kangaroo court here today," laughed Moore Township patrolman Ricky Knecht.
The marsupial drew a group of admiring attorneys, deputy sheriffs and other county employees at Northampton County Court.
"I never expected this much attention," said Wilson. "I was trying to be sneaky about it."
Deputy Sheriff Sterling Miller, who works security at the front door, said he thought Wilson was joking when she asked him not to put the knapsack through the X-ray machine because there was a kangaroo inside.
"When I reached for the bag, it moved," Miller said. "It scared the dickens out of me."
Wilson, who operates a 22-acre farm for "alternative animals," said she couldn't leave the animal alone because it requires a warm bottle of milk every hour. Her farm also is home to pigmy goats, camels, emus, llamas and other exotic creatures.