Daily Dose - 000422 - Name it Adolf, Bizarre News, pearly gates, topless restaurant, DDL, Hey Martha
During World War II, Hitler told his Nazis to make love to as may French women as they could then say, "In nine months you will have a baby. Name it Adolf. Heil Hitler!"
So a young Nazi soldier, eager to do his duty, dutifully went out and made love to a pretty young French girl. He said, "In nine months you will have a baby. Name it Adolf. Heil Hitler!"
She replied, "In a few weeks you will have a disease. Name it syphillis. Vive la France!"
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Bizarre News....
Shave and a Hair Cut Has Whole New Meaning in Quebec
QUEBEC - And you thought Canadians were straight-laced. Thanks to the keen observations of wives and girlfriends, police arrested eight people at Le Salon Sex Symbol, where stylists stripped, performed exotic dances and talked dirty as they clipped clients' hair.
Three female employees and five male customers were charged with working in or frequenting a house of prostitution, according to the local newspaper. While not much actual hair-clipping took place, police did catch the 28-year-old owner and a client playing with a sexual toy and oil.
Interestingly enough, Quebec law allows erotic hair salons, if no touching takes place. The wives, and more importantly, the police believe patrons at Le Salon Sex Symbol could buy sex.
[They gave themselves away by being too eager to go to a salon. How many straight men religiously go to the salon twice a month?]
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McDonald's Employees Throw Michigan Man a Beating
MICHIGAN - They take their milkshakes pretty seriously in Detroit. When Alfred Pointer and his wife complained about a watery milkshake they received from the drive through of a McDonald's restaurant, the attendant suggested Mr. Pointer come inside for a refund. There he was allegedly beaten by three employees.
The couple has filed a $100 million lawsuit against McDonald's Corp. and the owners of the franchise.
[If they get that upset over milkshakes in Detroit, I wonder what they would have done to him if he had said Chevys suck?]
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Houston, We Have a Problem
MORRISTOWN, N.J. - Whitney Houston is the unwilling mother of a bouncing, 36-year-old stalker.
Yes, the singer/actress has been receiving letters, candy, cakes, and even underwear once, from a woman who claims Houston is her reincarnated mother.
"Every chance I get I make it known I belong to Queen Whitney Houston," wrote Desiree Weeks, who has recently been issued a temporary restraining order.
The many rambling letters sent to Houston by Weeks have come from several return addresses including one from the Bronx Psychiatric Center.
[Does anybody remember the movie "The Bodyguard?"]
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Road-Rage Driver Kills Dog
San Jose police are investigating an incident of road rage that turned to animal cruelty when a man involved in a minor fender bender reached through the window of the other driver's car, grabbed her dog and hurled it into oncoming traffic where it was run over and killed.
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If The Shoe Fits
AMSTERDAM, Holland - Weaving pubic hair is not the only national pastime in Holland. Everyone knows that wooden shoes hold a unique place in the history of this country. That is what makes a recently proposed bill such a hoot.
The proposal calls for all wooden shoes worn in the workplace illegal due to a study revealing that they are unhealthy (apparently bad support in the arches).
The normally politically tranquil country has been energized by this issue, proving that the Dutch have way too much time on their hands.
[This makes sense, hashish is legal but they want to make wearing wooden shoes illegal.]
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Spontaneous Orgasms Cause Distress
LONDON, England - A medical journal, The Lancet, recently reported a rare condition of a case of "spontaneous multiple orgasms."
It seems a 44-year-old woman would undergo multiple orgasms when doing routine household chores like laundry. The report continued to outline that extreme distress was caused to the woman due to the uncontrollable nature and intensity of the feeling.
She was eventually treated with a medication normally used on epilepsy patients and she is now orgasm-free.
[And this condition is bad?]
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A woman checked in at the pearly gates and asked to join her former husband, Walter Smith. Saint Peter said, "We have five million Walter Smiths. Give us a little clue."
The woman said, "My Walter is bald and has blue eyes, and he said that if I ever slept with another man he'd turn over in his grave."
Saint Peter motioned an angel forward. "Take her to Whirling Walter!"
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Friends of ours invited the wife and I out to dinner. Although it turned out to be a topless restaurant, my wife was a pretty good sport and pretended to enjoy the evening.
On the way home though, even the defrosters at full force wouldn't keep the windshield from icing over on her side of the car.
"Awww come on," I said. "It wasn't that bad."
"Your ordering didn't help matters," she said fuming.
"What?" I replied. "I only ordered a dozen oysters."
"One at a time!" she yelled.
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DDL
There once was a lad from the sea.
He fucked a baboon in a tree.
The result was quite horrid,
All ass and no forehead,
Four balls and a purple goatee.
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Come on in!
While in Edmonton this weekend, I noticed a the following sign at an Albert's Family Restaurant (Whyte Ave and 104 St).
"We apologise that our restaurant is not wheel-chair accessible. However, we are proud that our other locations in Edmonton are. For details, please inquire inside."
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French is a beautiful language because it enables a person to express very complex ideas with a minimum number of words.
For example, "Mardi Gras" means "...A student cannot reasonably be expected to write term papers if they have a beer in one hand and a titty in the other!"
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Q. What single word might you say to Bo Derek that would really piss her off?
A. Urinate.
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Hey Martha (true)
Sunday, Mar 12, 2000
Man charged for a century's worth of late fees for his car
RENO, Nev. (AP) -- Robert Challender expected to be hit with a late fee when he showed up a month late to register his 1978 Datsun.
But what he didn't plan on was a bill for $378,426.25 sent to him by the Department of Motor Vehicles, an amount that included about $260,000 in late fees and penalties.
"I told them to take me to jail if they had to," he said. "I wasn't paying."
Department officials blamed the mixup on conversion of data to the agency's new computer system and ended up charging Challender the same $60 fee he paid last year.
Challender was apparently billed for late charges accrued since 1900, when the only motor vehicles were some experimental horseless carriages, officials said. They added that the problem wasn't a Y2K glitch.
"We hope we don't see that again," department spokeswoman Kim Evans said.