Daily Dose - 000419 - brothel, Bizarre News, Employee Suggestion Competition, Slogans That Never Quite Caught On, DDL, Hey Martha
Two irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a baptist minister walk into the brothel,and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the jews are fallin' victim to temptation."
Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill."
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Bizarre News....
Bizarre Trivia
Before he settled on Mark Twain, Samuel Clemens wrote under the names Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass, Sergeant Fathom and W. Apaminondas Adrastus Blab.
An igloo will stand up to modern artillery better than a concrete barricade. Additionally, the are almost invisible from the air and can't be spotted by infrared sensors.
Blackbeard the pirate would put slow-burning fuses under his tricorn hat to wreath his head in black smoke and frighten his opponents.
Singer Tina Turner believes that in a former life she was Queen Hatshepsut, ruler of Egypt from 1503 to 1482 B.C.
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A Ralph Nader Plan That "Sucks"
WASHINGTON - Here's where Ralph gets his revenge. Tired of losing his stature amongst consumer activists. Nader is hitting the net!
He wants to set up a new class of domain names sure to strike fear into the hearts of executives worldwide: dot suck
Critics, malcontents, and disgruntled employees would be able to register domain names like microsoft.sucks and mcdonalds.sucks, according to a proposal from two organizations that Nader heads.
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The Sky Is Falling, The Sky Is Falling... Oh Wait!
A dead man found on Long Island seems to have been a stowaway who fell from a jetliner arriving at Kennedy Airport.
A woman walking her dog found the body Saturday night behind Long Beach Hospital. The Federal Aviation Administration examined flight patterns and schedules and said the body most likely fell from an American Airlines flight from the Dominican Republic.
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It's Mens' Turn to Feel Smooth and Sexy
GRANVILLE, Ohio - Black, white, navy - or for the adventurous buyer - sheer. We're talking about pantyhose for men, and a defunct women's hosiery company is marketing them as the new alternative to socks and underwear.
"We call it legwear," says Steve Katz, who with his wife Connie, sells the hosiery via their Internet site, "Guys who like silk boxers like these." If you'd like to see what a man in pantyhose looks like, you can check it out at www.comfilon.com.
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I'll Second That!
State Capitol, Texas Presidential candidate G.W. Bush prides himself on presiding over 121 executions with perfect oversight.
State representative Tim Moor wanted to show how careful the legislative process was in the state. He sponsored a bill praising Albert Salvo, a man whose "unconventional techniques involving population control and applied psychology" had already been noted by the state of Massachusetts. The Texas politicians, never wanting to be outdone by any state, unanimously passed a resolution praising Albert Salvo. Salvo is better known as The Boston Strangler.
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A Wisconsin man is under investigation for enticing two teenage girls to wear diapers.
According to police reports, the man showed the girls two internet sites for "Diaper Pail Friends." "Being a Diaper Pail Friend -- in and of itself -- there's nothing wrong with that," said New London Police Chief Dave Neumann. "But when you try to entice a minor to do this, that's when it becomes a crime..."
(unless your friend is under three years old, then it's perfectly all right.)
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I worked at a company which decided to have an Employee Suggestion Competition. I told my department that they were probably looking for ways of saving money.
One fellow submitted a suggestion that they post announcements on the dozen bulletin boards instead of printing 200 memos and distributing them to everyone.
He won, got a helium balloon with the company logo, one share of stock, and, yes, a memo announcing it went out to two hundred people.
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Slogans That Never Quite Caught On
Charmin: "Butt... Wipe... Err."
Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?"
Eggs: "The Incredible Edible Ovum."
MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."
Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid!"
Iguana: "The other green meat."
Penis Enlargement Specialists: "It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got That Swing!"
Nike: "Just buy the damn shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"
Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."
Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes, dammit!"
Pepto Bismol: "Squash the Squirts!"
Trojans: "Just add meat."
Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"
Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"
Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"
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DDL
The was a young lady named Flo.
Whose lover had pulled out too slow.
So they tried it all night
'Till he got it just right.
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.
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I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
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Did you hear about the blind hooker?
You really have to hand it to her.
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"THEY'RE MULTIPURPOSE. NOT ONLY DO THEY PUT THE CLIPS ON, BUT THEY TAKE THEM OFF."
* Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers
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Q: Why do Canadians prefer to have sex in the doggy-style position?
A: So that BOTH of them can watch the hockey game on TV!
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Hey Martha (true)
Saturday, March 11, 2000
Man owes $70,000 in phone charges
HACKENSACK, N.J. (AP) -- Jeffrey Ochs never saw this coming -- his arrest last month for refusing to pay $70,000 in phone charges stemming from repeated calls to the Psychic Hotline.
The trouble began when Ochs, 49, called the psychic hotline because he had emotional problems, his attorney Richard Galler said Wednesday.
"He wanted to talk to somebody, and they kept talking and talking and talking," Galler said.
The psychics made Ochs call for a minimum of 30 minutes at $6-a-minute, then told him to call back again and they would help, he said.
Galler said Ochs never asked how much the telephone calls -- being made to the South Pacific island of Vanuatu -- would cost, and opened up five different accounts to make hundreds of calls between Nov. 15 and Jan. 7.
Now Ochs has filed a complaint, charging Bell Atlantic with deceptive business practices. He contends Bell Atlantic is acting as a collection agent for the Psychic Hotline and Sprint, his long-distance carrier, to procure the full amount of the bill.
A hearing on the complaint's validity was postponed Wednesday.