Daily Dose - 000314 - less than fastidious housekeeper, public lewdness, Lena and Sven, gynecologist, NFL, DDL, Hey Martha
Happy Eid Al-Adha
Back at you - Monday, March 20.
My mom admitted to being a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and said, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel."
Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Well, darling, that's why I married a college graduate."
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The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square.
The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent.
Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer."
"Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza."
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Lena and Sven got married in St. Paul. They planned to honeymoon in Lena's aunt's cabin in Duluth. They caught a bus that was filled with deer hunters.
About 30 minutes out of St. Paul, the bus broke down right next to a nice hotel. Sven said to Lena, "Lena, there's a comfortable hotel right here. How about consummating our marriage?"
Lena replied, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."
The repaired bus took off. Fifty miles down the road, it broke down again. This time it was next to a good-looking motel.
Sven turned to Lena and asked, "Look Lena. There's a nice motel. Can ve consummate our marriage?"
Lena said, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."
The bus was repaired and off they went. Ten miles down the road, the bus broke down. This time they were out in the woods. However, there was a little clearing out of the sight of the bus.
Lena turned to Sven, "I tink ve should go back into the voods and do it."
Later when they returned the bus, Sven asked Lena, "Earlier ve vere next to a nice hotel and you said 'no.' Then, ve vere by a motel and you said 'No.' But, here ve vent out into the grassy voods and did it. Why?"
Lena said, "I vas listening to the hunters. They said if the bus broke down again, the f**king season vould be over."
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"Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologist trying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient. "Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure," she replied, "but not by a doctor!"
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The NFL announced today in a press conference that one team from the league needed to be eliminated. What officials have decided to do is combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team therefore saving jobs.
They will be known as the TAMPACKS
They're only good for one period and have no second string.
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DDL
The next time you meet Millie Day,
And she lures you to bed for a lay,
Remember, you simp,
I'm her bona fide pimp,
And get half the cash that you pay!
Said the wench to the new Maharajah,
"You are ever-well hung, you old codjah!
It delights me to lay
And be queen for a day,
But the last Maharajah was largah!"
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Husband: Put your coat on love, I'm going to the bar.
Wife: Are you taking me out for a drink?
Husband: Don't be silly woman, I'm turning the heat off...
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Researchers at Harvard have discovered why Jewish women love Chinese restaurants.
Wonton spelled backwards is notnow.
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Q: Did you guys hear about the Polish daredevil named Evel Kowalski?
A: He jumped over twelve motorcycles in a bus.
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"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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Hey Martha (true)
Wednesday, Feb. 9, 2000
Spain drops intelligence requirements for troops
MADRID, Spain (AP) -- In an effort to expand its military while eliminating the draft, Spain has lowered the intelligence requirements for joining the armed forces, a leading daily reported Wednesday.
Spain will now accept troops with an IQ of 70, instead of its previous requirement of an IQ of 90, El Pais reported.
The paper said applicants also will no longer need to have finished secondary education, the same as junior high.
Ministry officials said they were unable to confirm or deny the El Pais report.
Psychologists say an IQ of 100 is average for young adults, while 70 is the minimum for normal behavior. A person with such a low IQ, however, may have comprehension problems.
Spain's military currently numbers some 90,000, including 25,000 draftees. However, with plans to scrap the draft and, at the same time, boost the number of troops to 110,000 by 2002, the military needs to attract more applicants.