Daily Dose - 000219 - Bizarre News, Great Writer, 79 different ways to make mad passionate love, DDL, Hey Martha
Still more news from the Bizarre new pages....
Texas Men Accidentally Repossess Two Kids
HALTOM CITY, Texas - Three men attempting to repossess a minivan were arrested for towing it away with two children still buckled inside.
The father jumped onto the side of the moving tow truck and flagged down a police officer. The father, his 2-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter were unharmed.
"They were extremely traumatized by the ordeal," Detective Dennis Ochs said. The owner of the auto recovery business, was charged with aggravated kidnapping and aggravated assault. The repo men were charged with aggravated kidnapping.
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Dumbr Crook Demands Home Delivery
BILOXI, MS - The criminal mind is a terrible thing to waste. This time we have a man phoning a Biloxi, MS casino and threatening to shoot people inside the casino unless they immediately delivered $100,000 to his home. He naturally gave the casino personnel his address, presumably expecting an armored truck to make the delivery. Police went to the address given and arrested him on the spot. Presumably he is still waiting for the cash.
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A Honduran man castrated himself with a machete because he was "frustrated" that his wife refused to have sex with him. The Heraldo Daily said Juan Varels cut off both his testicles and "put them on a table." After careful consideration, Varels "grabbed them" and went to a health center to have them reattached.
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Bizarre Trivia
An ordinance in City Grove, California, makes it a misdemeanor to kill or threaten a butterfly.
One of every four people who attempt to climb Mt. Everest are killed in the process.
Every year, 11,000 Americans injure themselves while trying out bizarre sexual positions.
A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.
On an American one-dollar bill, there is a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.
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eBay Offers Russian Missile Submarine
ST. PETERSBURG, Fl - Have you recently started a small country and need to build your military? You're in luck, then, because the internet auction site eBay has a 1965, long-range, missile capable submarine from the former Soviet Russia available for $1 million - or best offer. Formerly a tourist attraction and restaurant (yes, restaurant), the Canadian company that owns the boat has gone into bankruptcy and has opted to sell it. If you're interested, the boat's name is Juliett. It is diesel- powered, measures 300-feet-long by 33-feet-wide, but is only for sale until Dec. 29. Missiles not included.
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Goofy Disney Exec Remains Jailed For Porn
LOS ANGELES, CA - Most people know about the former Disney Internet executive, Patrick Naughton who was caught soliciting sex from a 13-year-old girl while online and at work. Well he was sentenced to jail after being convicted and has been denied bail [and presumably access to a computer] while he goes through the appeal process. His defense indicated that he was under a great deal of stress and disturbed...
[Part of his punishment is to draw pants on old Donald Duck collectible cells.]
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Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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A man from Bangladesh named Abdul was bragging that in his country there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.
A gent form Florida listened incredulously. "Why that's amazing. Where I come from there's only one way."
"Just one?", Futh asked. "And which way is that?"
"Well," the Florida gent began, "there's a man and there's a woman--"
"Praise Allah!!", exclaims Abdul, "Number 80!"
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DDL
Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
"My favorite sport is coitus."
But a fullback from State
Made her period late,
And now she has athlete's fetus
There was a young girl of Penzance
Who boarded a bus in a trance.
The passengers fucked her,
And likewise the conductor,
And the driver shot off in his pants.
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If ignorance is bliss, is stupidity orgasmic?
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If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
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Q. How do you know that you are in a real lesbian bar?
A. Not even the pool table has balls.
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Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since 1970.
Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as smart and half as expensive every 18 months.
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Hey Martha (true)
Thursday, Jan. 13, 2000
Employees fired over loud speaker Now hear this - you're fired!
The Community Newspaper Co. in Needham, Mass., let 73 employees go in a somewhat unusual way -- over the company loudspeaker.
The firm notified 73 employees that they had lost their jobs by paging them over the loudspeaker and then informing them their services were no longer needed.
The company, owned by Fidelity Investments parent FMR Corp., publishes one daily newspaper, 88 weeklies and 14 shoppers.
-- Sun Media - AP.