Daily Dose - 000212 - K-9 unit, ornery bull, sketch a naked man, Big Dog and Little Dog, racist joke, DDL, Hey Martha

Police officer George and officer Mary had been assigned to walk the beat.

They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them."

George replied, "We don't have to go back, just give the K-9 unit, Fido one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you."

It was a hot day and Mary didn't fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. Fido's nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting.

After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house.

Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido.

Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen.

Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.

Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance. The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant's balls in his mouth.

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A man and his brother inherit a farm... on the farm there are some cows, and one ornery bull. The first morning of their stay on the farm, they went outside to find that the bull had escaped his pen, gotten out with the cows, and when they found him, his eyes were crossed.

The two men decided to call the vet. The vet came out, stuck a tube in the bulls rear and blew really hard, the bulls eyes went back to normal. The vet charged the two men $50.00.

On the second morning, the two brothers awoke only to find the bull back out with the cows, and his eyes were crossed again. They thought about it, and decided NOT to call the vet, they could save $50.00 if they could just find a tube, and they'd do it themselves.

One brother says to the other "I'll blow on the tube, you watch his eyes."

After numerous attempts, the brothers decide they should switch. The brother that was originally watching the bull's eyes walks around to the rear of the bull, pulls out the tube, and sticks the other end in.

"What'd ya do that fer?" asked the brother.

He replies, "Well, you don't think I want to blow on the same end as you, do ya?"

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A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young blonde coed had sketched the man with an erect penis.

The professor commented, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way."

She replied, "What other way?"

_____________________

Big Dog is showing Little Dog around the block. "Sniff, sniff. Smell that?" asks Big Dog.

"Sniff, sniff. Sure do," says Little Dog, "what is it?"

"Fifi's in heat, come on, I'll show you what to do."

So Big Dog shows Little Dog how to hump Fifi.

"Sniff, sniff. Smell that?" asks Big Dog.

"Sniff, sniff. Sure do, what's that?" asks Little Dog.

"Garbage. Come on, I'll show you what to do."

So Big Dog shows Little Dog how to raid the garbage can. Pretty soon, Big Dog goes over to the fire hydrant and takes a leak on it.

"Wait a minute," says Little Dog, "I understand about Fifi and I understand about the garbage, but what is this hiking on the hydrant thing?"

"Hey," says Big Dog, "if you can't screw it and you can't eat it, piss on it!"

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Careful now - racist joke ahead.....

Sandy and Thorn were an extremely liberal, though not especially bright, white couple. Wanting to begin a family, they decided they wanted to have a black baby, and set to work. Nine months later, the fruits of their labor was born: a lovely white girl. Pleased but disappointed, Thorn decided to ask a black man at work why they hadn't parented a black baby.

Realizing that Thorn was somewhat sluggish, the fellow took him aside and asked, "Is your dick at least a foot long?"

Thorn had to admit that it was not.

"And is it at least four inches wide?"

Once more Thorn replied in the negative.

"Well, man, there's your problem!" the chap slapped him on the back. "You let in too much light!"

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DDL

There was a young fellow from Kent
Who had his wife fuck the landlord for the rent.
But as she grew older
The landlord grew colder,
And now they live out in a tent.

There once was a lady from Wooster
Who dreamt that a man had seduced her
She awoke with a scream
To find was a dream
And a bump in the mattress had goosed her.

___________________

I'll bet the No. 27 racecar sponsored by Viagra is going to be hard to beat.

___________________

"Doctor, that rectal exam hurt like hell. What did you do?"

"I used two fingers."

"What for?"

"I needed a second opinion."

___________________

Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US President whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal."

William Jefferson Clinton is the 2nd.

_____________________

Hey Martha (true)

Thursday, Jan. 6, 2000

Bare breasts and Barney

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (AP) -- A sing-along book about Barney the purple dinosaur caused some red faces after someone found an illustration of a bare-breasted woman inside.

Michelle Capdeville said her young sons spotted the illustration in "Barney's Sing-Along Songs," distributed by Avon and based on the children's show, "Barney and Friends," featuring the singing dinosaur.

A few hundred defective books were distributed to Avon, the sole seller, said Renee Harring of Publications International Ltd., the book's publisher.

Avon apologized to consumers Wednesday, and the company also has agreed to give refunds or replacement books, said Debbie Coffey of Avon.

The problem happened during the book's printing in China, Harring said. The printer used scrap paper from a roll of leftover stock used to line an astrology romance guide.

The picture depicts a woman draped in a scarf with one breast exposed as she strokes the head of a man who appears to be lying down. Although the writing on the image is in Norwegian, the words "aphrodisiac" and "exotic literature" are recognizable, Ms. Capdeville said.

"My boys came running into my room screaming, 'Oh, Mommy, look at this,"' she said. "I'm upset that it's in a child's book."