Daily Dose - 000206 - Both "Wonderful!" And "Marvelous!", Did you know..., Deer Tracks, mullah, Folding the Flag, DDL, Hey Martha

Both "Wonderful!" And "Marvelous!"

A rich man went to his vicar and said, "I want you and your wife to take a three month trip to the Holy Land at my expense. When you come back, I'll have a surprise for you". The vicar accepted the offer and he and his wife went off to the Middle East.

Three months later they returned home and were met by the wealthy parishioner, who told them while they were gone, he had had a new church built. "It's the finest building money can buy, vicar," said the man, "No expense was spared." And he was right. It was a magnificent edifice both outside and in.

But there was one striking difference. There was only one pew and it was at the very back. "A church with only one pew?" asked the vicar.

"You just wait until Sunday." said the rich man.

When the time came for the Sunday service, the early arrivals entered the church, filed onto the one pew and sat down. When the pew was full, a switch clicked silently, a circuit closed, the gears meshed, a belt moved and, automatically, the rear pew began to move forward.

When it reach the front of the church it came to a stop. At the same time, another empty pew came up from below at the back and more people sat down. And so it continued, pews filling and moving forwards until finally the church was full, from front to back.

"Wonderful!" said the vicar, "Marvelous!"

The service began, and the vicar started to preach his sermon. He launched into his text and, when 12 o'clock came, he was still going strong with no end in sight. Suddenly a bell rang and a trap door in the floor behind the pulpit dropped open.

"Wonderful!" said the congregation, "Marvelous!"

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Did you know...

At -90 degrees Farenheit the moisture in your breath will freeze in midair and fall to the ground.

Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.

There are more stars in the universe than grains of sand on all the beaches in the world.

Everyday more money is printed for the game of Monopoly than for the U.S. Treasury.

Men get hiccups more often than women.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better than men.

Scientists say the average person eats about 2 pounds of bugs a year. That's mostly because insects accidentally get ground up in foods like peanut butter, strawberry jelly, and spaghetti sauce. They won't hurt you, they're actually full of protein.

The glue on postage stamps in Israel is certified kosher.

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Deer Tracks

There was a Mexican, Indian, and an Aggi. They were all out camping, when the Indian said "Me hungry me go find food." So he heads out.

Later that night he comes back with a deer on his shoulder. The Mexican says, "How you catch deer?"

The Indian replied, "Me be very, very quiet, Me follow tracts, me shot, me catch deer."

So the next day the Mexican went out he also returned later that night with a deer on his shoulder too. The Aggi said,"How did you catch that deer?"

The Mexican said, "Me be very, very quiet, me follow tracts, me shot, me catch deer."

So the next day the Aggi went out. He returned the following day all black and blue. The Indian asked, "What happen?"

The Aggi replied, "Me be very, very quiet, me follow tracts, me shot, me get hit by train..."

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A mullah, the man who sings the prayers at a mosque, brags before the faithful in a booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000."

There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So what did you do with the money?"

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Folding the Flag

The daily routine aboard the USS Trentonoff the Somali coast, transporting Marines and their cargo to and from shore, was disrupted by a visit from an admiral. Sam Rickabaugh was in charge of the 30-by-50-foot American flag.

After the admiral gave his speech and left, the flag was to be lowered. Sam had folded our national flag many times, but never one of this immense size. Fortunately, a group of Marines nearby was quick to help. One of them, Ramirez, immediately took charge, showing great pride with every meticulous fold.

"Where did you master the art of folding a flag this size?" Sam asked.

"Are you on a special flag detail?"

"Actually," said Ramirez, "I learned this while working at McDonald's."

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DDL

There was a young lady named Sue
Who preferred a stiff drink to a screw.
But one leads to the other,
And now she's a mother-
Let this be a lesson to you.

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Question: Why did the Mercedes Corporation build their plant in Alabama?
Answer: The availability of crash test dummies!

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Q: Why don't roosters have hands?

A: Chickens don't have tits.

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Q: Where do generals keep their armies?

A: Up their sleevies.

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Q: What's the advantage of having a Japanese wife?

A: Your in-laws live in Tokyo.

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Hey Martha (true)

Thursday, November 18, 1999

Playboy not impressed with Playdog

MILLTOWN, N.J. (AP) -- Roll over, Bunnies. The newest way to see naked mammals is with Playdog.

The Web site, www.playdog.com, offers photos of really hot dogs and loving articles about cute hounds. Yes, a centerfold is included, and, yes, various doggies are pictured in nothing but their fur.

"While there is dog nudity, this site is appropriate for viewers of all ages," a message on the Web site says. "If you're looking for dirty pictures, you're barking up the wrong tree."

Playboy lawyers aren't in a playful mood, however. They sent creator Steve Sackman two letters claiming that the site infringes on the trademark of the men's magazine.

A recent centerfold named "Daisy" listed "Turn-ons" including sleeping, eating, and drooling. "Turn-offs" included the mailman, "Cats who don't have a sense of humor" and "Cats who do have a sense of humor."

In letters to Sackman, Playboy lawyer David Francescani asked him to change the Playdog logo and everything else similar to Playboy.

The design of his logo does resemble Playboy, and the editor is listed as "Spot Hephner." Still, Sackman disagrees that he's infringing on Hugh Hefner's pride and joy.

Sackman said Wednesday he'd be happy to specify that Playdog has no affiliation with Playboy. He said if Hefner "wanted to invite me to the mansion to discuss this, I would be happy to go."