Daily Dose - 000205 - Do you sell Viagra, car agency, ugliest girl he'd ever seen, two green circles, high school sweethearts, DDL, Hey Martha
A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Wal-mart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. He comes out and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, "Do you sell Viagra here?"
The pharmacist answers firmly, "Yes, sir. We certainly do."
The man then says, "Do you think I could get it over the counter?"
The pharmacist looks at him for a moment and then says, "Perhaps if you took 5 or 6 pills at once you might."
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The elderly man entered the car agency together with his young wife. The owner of the agency spotted the couple and went over to wait upon them himself. He couldn't help staring at the lady, which, of course, the elderly man noticed.
"May I propose a wager," he said. "If you can do everything to my wife that I can do and still end up the same way as I do, I will pay you double for the car. But if you cannot, you will give it to me for free!"
"OK, agreed!" said the agency owner.
The elderly man gave his wife a passionate kiss and the agency owner did the same. Then the man unbuttoned her blouse and kissed her breasts. So did the agency owner. Then the husband opened his fly, pulled out his pecker and bent it in half.
"What color car do you want?" asked the agency owner.
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One night a guy got really wasted. In the morning, he rolled over and sleeping peacefully beside him was the ugliest girl he'd ever seen.
Very quietly, he slipped his arm out from under her, got up, and dressed as fast as he could. He put a twenty-dollar bill on the bureau and started to tip-toe out.
Just then he felt a tug on his pant leg. Looking down, he saw a girl just as ugly as the one in the bed.
She looked up at him, smiled a toothless smile, and asked, "What? Nothing for the bridesmaid?"
_____________
A woman goes to the doctors, and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."
The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She gets undressed, and the doctor goes around to see her when she is ready.
"Well, what is it?" he asks.
"It's a bit embarrassing," she replies, "These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs."
The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, "Have you been having an affair with a gypsy lately?"
The woman blushes and says, "Well,... yes, actually I have."
"That's the problem!" the doctor says, "Tell him that his earrings aren't made of real gold!"
_____________
John and Mary had been high school sweethearts, but they had never had sex.
"We'll have to wait until we are married," she told him.
So he waits.
They are engaged three years, and finally the big day rolls around. On their wedding night, Mary comes out of the bathroom, and says "I have some bad news. I have my period, and I don't want our first time to be all bloody!"
John says, "You're kidding!"
Mary says, "We'll just have to wait a bit longer."
Mary goes to sleep, and wakes up at 3:00 am to get a drink. On her way back to bed, she notices Johnny wide awake staring at the ceiling.
"There's no use John," she said "You might as well go to sleep."
"I would, except my dick's so hard there's not enough skin left to close my eyes!"
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DDL
An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny!
______________
Q. Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?
A. The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more.
______________
Q. What do you call a redneck couple with only two kids?
A. Newlyweds.
______________
Q: A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest tits?
A: The blonde, because she's 18
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Hey Martha (true)
Monday, November 15, 1999
School snack machines dispensing knowledge
CHARLESTON, W.Va. (AP) -- Here's food for thought.
For 50 cents, kids at Chandler Elementary School in Charleston, America can head to the school's vending machine and purchase a bag of pretzels, corn chips -- or a book.
"A child has to decide, do I want a pack of potato chips or a book?" said Barry Bowe, the school's principal. "Maybe, they'll choose a book."
Reading teacher Bonnie McClung started placing books such as "The Velveteen Rabbit" and "Amazing World of Dinosaurs" into the snack machine nine years ago. She estimates more than 1,000 books have been purchased.
Some parents even do their holiday shopping at the snack machine, she said.
With a markdown from as much as $7.95, the books are a bargain.
"We're just glad books are available for our kids," McClung said Saturday. "I hope it helps in some small way with their reading."