Daily Dose - 000124 - chat room, infertility problem, Buy a Gallon of..., Not ready for you yet, Hey Martha

Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room, discovered that they had a lot in common. Eventually, they abandoned the chat room for a more intimate correspondence. After months of virtual kinkiness, the two decided to meet each other face-to-face at a small cafe.

Bunny arrived a little late. One customer, a short, frail man with an eye patch, sat at the back of the cafe.

"Are you Bob?" asked Bunny.

"Yes I am," said Bob.

"Unbelievable!" Bunny exclaimed. "You told me you were tall, dark and handsome."

"How do you think I feel?" Bob asked, his face turning red with shame.

"You told me you were skinny, blonde, and female!"

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A woman goes to a doctor to discuss her husband's infertility problem. The doctor says, "Just give your husband these pills in his next meal and stand back."

The woman goes home and hands the pills to her cook who was preparing dinner for a dinner party later that night. The woman says to the cook, "Just put two of these in my husband's dinner tonight."

As the woman walks out of the kitchen the cook thinks, "Sure, like I got nothing better to do," and she throws the whole bunch into the soup.

As the guests were sitting down to dinner, the cook comes out of the kitchen and advises the lady of the house that she must speak to her in that there is a big problem in the kitchen.

The lady of the house follows the cook into the kitchen and demands to know what is going on.

The cook admits to throwing all the pills into the soup and cries, "I don't know what to do, the meat balls have doubled in size and the vermicelli is standing straight up!"

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Buy a Gallon of...

From: Auto Week Magazine

What if you were to buy a gallon of:

Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $ 9.52 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $ 10.00 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $ 10.17 per gallon
Snapple 16 oz. for $1.29 = $ 10.32 per gallon
Evian (water) 9 oz for $1.49 = $ 21.19 per gallon
STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $ 33.60 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $ 84.84 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon
Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $254.17 per gallon

So next time you're at the pump, be happy your car doesn't run on Nyquil or Scope.

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Not ready for you yet

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together.

"Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back..."

Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. What d'ya say?"

Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.

However, two days later... St. Peter got a call.

"Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey you gotta come get these three clowns. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."

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A ladder was placed against the bedroom window of a burning house, and a young fireman rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a see-through nightie. "Aha," said he, "You're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year!"

"But I'm not pregnant," indignantly exclaimed the brunette.

"You're not rescued yet either."

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A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area.

The blonde exclaimed, "Wow -- I can't believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!"

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The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you'll know when to cringe next time.

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Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the

Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.

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I was traveling through south Georgia yesterday and noticed a lot of signs saying "pecans ahead." Wouldn't "restrooms ahead" be more appropriate?

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Hey Martha (true)

Thursday, January 14, 1999

Luxor man charged with tax evasion on donkey income

CAIRO, Egypt (AP) -- A Luxor man is facing prison for failing to pay taxes on income earned from giving rides to tourists on his donkey around Pharaonic sites.

The tax department says Ragab Mahmoud Mohammed owes $354 in unpaid taxes for the last year, the Al-Wafd newspaper reported.

Mohammed claims the tax department has no case since he sold his donkey last year after the massacre of 58 tourists in Luxor on Nov. 17, 1997. The attack caused business to drop.

Mohammed's argument is that since he has no donkey, he couldn't have earned any money from it, according to al-Wafd. But the tax department maintains that there is no record of a donkey sale by Mohammed in government records, so officially he remains a donkey owner.

Rides on donkeys and camels are big business at tourist sites in Egypt, especially in Luxor where a majority of Pharaonic attractions are located.

The average price of a 45-minute ride is $4.50.