Daily Dose - 000123 - OFFICIAL BABY BOOMER QUALIFYING EXAM, mother's tank, pledge allegiance, WE MOVE ANYTHING, pencils, DDL, Hey Martha

OFFICIAL BABY BOOMER QUALIFYING EXAM

(And below, you even get the answers! No cheating.)

QUESTION #1:
Name the Beatles - both the first and last name of each, of course. Consider this a warm-up. [If you can't answer this one without thinking, close up the test, and move on to something else. We have nothing further to discuss.]
______________________________ ______________________________
______________________________ ______________________________

QUESTION #2:
Finish the line: "Lions and tigers and bears, ____ _____!"
Admittedly, this came along before we boomers were born. But we remember it from both the movies and the boob tube.

QUESTION #3:
"Hey kids, what time is it?" ______ _________ ________ ________.

QUESTION #4:
What do M&M's do? _____ ___ ______ ________, _____ ___ ____ _______.

QUESTION #5:
What helps build strong bodies 12 ways? _________.

QUESTION #6:
Long before he was Mohammed Ali, before he was The Greatest, we knew him as _________ _________.

QUESTION #7:
"You'll wonder where the yellow went, _____ ____ ______ _____ ______ _____ ___________."

QUESTION #8:
Those post-baby boomers, or baby boomer wannabes, know Bob Denver as the Skipper's "little buddy." But we true boomers know that Bob Denver is actually Dobie's closest friend,
_____________ _ _____________.

QUESTION #9:
M-I-C: See ya' real soon; K-E-Y: _____? _________ ___ ______ _______."

QUESTION #10:
Definition: A "streaker" is someone who might go running through the lobby of the girls' dormitory ______________.

QUESTION #11:
"Brylcream: ___ ________ _______ _______ ______ _______."

QUESTION #12:
Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone ________ ____.

QUESTION #13:
From the early days of our music, real rock 'n roll, finish this line: "I wonder, wonder, wonder...wonder who; _______ _______ ____ _______ ___ _______."

QUESTION #14:
And while we're remembering rock n' roll, try this one: "War...uh-huh, huh...yea; what is it good for? ___________ ____________."

QUESTION #15:
This is from a kinder and gentler protest song, but the question is just as profound: Where have all the flowers gone? Perhaps you could use a little help here: "Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing? Where have all the flowers gone? ____ ______ _____ _______ _____ ____."

QUESTION #16:
Meanwhile, back home in Metropolis, Superman fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and ____ _______________ _______.

QUESTION #17:
He came out of the University of Alabama, and became one of the best quarterbacks in the history of the NFL and later went on to appear in a television commercial wearing women's stockings. He is Broadway ______ _____________.

QUESTION #18:
"I'm Popeye the sailor man; I'm Popeye the sailor man. I'm strong to the finish, ______ __ _____ ___ _______. I'm Popeye the sailor man."

QUESTION #19:
Your children probably recall that Peter Pan was recently played by Robin Williams, but we will always remember when Peter was played by ___________ ____________.

QUESTION #20:
In the movie, The Graduate, young Benjamin, played by Dustin Hoffman was counselled about his future, and told to consider one thing: _______________.

QUESTION #21:
In another movie from the late sixties, Paul Newman played Luke, a ne'er do well who was sent to a prison camp for cutting off the heads of parking meters with a pipe cutter.
When he was captured after an unsuccessful attempt to escape, the camp commander (played by Strother Martin) used this experience as a lesson for the other prisoners, and explained,
"What we have here, ____ ___ ___________ _____ _________________."

QUESTION #22:
In 1962, a dejected politician chastised the press after losing a race for governor while announcing his retirement from politics. "Just think, you won't have ________ ____________ to kick around any more."

QUESTION #23:
"Every morning, at the mine, you could see him arrive; He stood six foot, six, weighted 245. Kinda' broad at the shoulder, and narrow at the hip. And everybody knew you didn't give no lip, ___ ____ _______."

QUESTION #24:
"I found my thrill, _____ ____________ __________________."
You may remember Riche Cunningham singing this. But if you are a true boomer, you know it was Fats Domino who made this line famous.

QUESTION #25:
"Good night, Mrs. Calabash, ___________ ____ ____." This originated long before even the first of us boomers was born. But in order to be a true baby boomer, you have to have some breadth.

QUESTION #26:
"Good night Chet. - Good night, David." "___ ____ ______ __ ___ ____."

QUESTION #27.
"Liar, liar, ______ ___ _____."

QUESTION #28.
"When it's least expected, you're elected; You're the star today. Smile! _______ ___ _______ _______."

QUESTION #29.
From our parents' day, as I recall, it was Pogo, the comic strip character, who said, "We have met the enemy, and ____ ____ _____."

QUESTION #30.
Who put the bop in the bop she-bop she-bop?

Answers:

1 - John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr
2 - "oh my"
3 - "It's Howdy Doody Time"
4 - melt in your mouth, not in your hands
5 - Wonderbread
6 - Cassius Clay
7 - "when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent"
8 - Maynard G. Krebs
9 - "Why? Because we like you."
10 - naked
11 - "a little dab will do you."
12 - "over thirty"
13 - "who wrote the book of love."
14 - "absolutely nothing" (Seinfeld fans probably got this one.)
15 - Girls have picked them every one
16 - The American Way
17 - Joe Nameth
18 - "'cause I eats me spinach"
19 - Sandy Duncan
20 - Plastics
21 - "is a failure to communicate"
22 - "Dick Nixon"
23 - "to Big John"
24 - "on Blueberry Hill"
25 - "wherever you are"
26 - "And good night for NBC News".
27 - "pants on fire."
28 - "You're on Candid Camera."
29 - "he is us."
30 - I don't know, but he made my baby fall in love with me.

___________________

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it.

He says, "Hey Dad! What are you doin?"

His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank."

Johnny says,"Oh, yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning."

____________________

Johnny was at his first day of school. The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him.

He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Johnny, he noticed Johnny's hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.

"Johnny, I will not continue till you put you hand over your heart."

Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."

After several attempts to get Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"

"Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."

_____________________

Johnny paints a sign: WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A DIME.

He tells his buddy Roy to get his fire-wagon and both sit under a shade tree in Johnny's front yard, waiting for business.

Kathy, across the street is not to be outdone, so she paints a sign: WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A NICKEL.

Tells Nellie her friend to get her fire-wagon and both sit in Kathy's yard.

Johnny's pissed...how dare that GIRL? Then, a flash...and Johnny hauls Roy across the street..."let's get some laughs"....

"Say, Kathy, you move ANYTHING?"

"Give me a nickel and I'll prove it to you."

"Roy, give me your nickel!"...takes it and hands it to Kathy.

"What you want moved, boy?"

"Move my BOWELS!"...and starts laughing.

Kathy thinks for a few seconds...and turns to her girlfriend..

"Nellie, hold this nickel while I beat the shit out of this kid."

_____________________

The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why. "I'll tell you why," shouted Deacon Brown. "Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register."

"Well, interrupted the dealer, "didn't you receive them yet?"

"Oh, we received them all right," replied Deacon Brown.

"However, you sent us some golf pencils...each stamped with the words, 'Play Golf Next Sunday.'"

_____________________

DDL

A foreman who's known to be rude,
Said something a worker thought lewd.
Though red in the face,
She's got a court case,
So it's his butt that's going to be screwed.

Ginger from County of Dade
Said, "I think it's time I got laid."
"My vibrator can tingle"
"But it's not cunnilingual"
"And that's how orgasms are made."

___________________

Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde together?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

__________________

The post office says they're raising the price of stamps by one cent because they need to upgrade their equipment.

Apparently, they're going from semi-automatics to uzis.

-Conan O'Brien

__________________

Milton Berle, at his 80th birthday party:

"I feel like a 20-year old! Unfortunately, there aren't any here."

___________________

Hey Martha

Thursday, January 29, 1998

Man charged after python leaves water running

CHILLICOTHE, Ohio (AP) -- The owner of a 3.6-metre python wound up in court after the snake apparently turned on a faucet and caused the bathtub to overflow.

Police said they charged Keith Washington, 34, with harboring a dangerous animal because they had gotten previous complaints about Gidget, his 43-kilogram pet. He could get up to 60 days in jail and a $500 US fine.

On Sunday, Washington left the snake soaking in the tub at his upstairs apartment while he watched the Super Bowl at a neighbor's home.

He said Gidget likes to drink and moisten her skin in the tub and often stays there for hours before slithering out. He said she sometimes brushes against the faucet and turns the water on.

When the tub overflowed Sunday, the water dripped through the floor, and a downstairs neighbor called police.

Washington said Gidget is gentle and often crawls into his lap.

"A lot of people have dogs or cats that get out of hand, but no one ever hears of snakes biting or hurting anyone," he said.