A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee.

She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"

Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV-'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"

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JESUS LOVES YOU. It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.

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I can understand why men don't like vasectomies. My uncle got a vasectomy, and paid for it with Mastercard. But he forgot to pay the bill, so the finance company came over to his house and knocked up my aunt.

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Rhyme without Reason ???

There was a young man who's dong
Was prodigiously, massively long
Down the sides of his whang,
two testes did hang
Which attracted a curious throng

There was a young lady from China
Who mistook for her mouth, 4 her vagina
Her clitoris huge
she covered with rouge
And lipsticked her labia minor

There was a hooker from Honchu
Who on peckers and penises did chew.
Said a friend, "Why don't you
Have them stick it to you,
Then you could enjoy the sex too".

There was a man from Havana,
Who thought he could play the piana
His fingers slipped,
his zipper unzipped.
And out came a hairy banana!

There once was a man from Australia
Who had rather large genitalia
he said to his bride,
don't try to hide
'cause wherever you go I can nail ya'

A young engineer name of Paul
Was equipped with an octagonal ball
The square of his weight
Times his pecker, plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call.

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Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, . . . "You're a mother."

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A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"

The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings."

The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, "Well,I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant - about 4 months would be my guess."

The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?"

Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"

The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

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Thursday, October 09, 1997

House infested with 1,200 rats razed

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) -- A garbage-strewn house where a woman kept an estimated 1,200 rats and treated them like pets was demolished after neighbors' complaints about the smell.

Workers used a backhoe to level the modest, three-bedroo home of Vivian Parson, 76, on Wednesday. Exterminators fumigated the building the day before, killing the rodents.

"They were very domesticated rats. They had no fear of humans," said Bill Doherty, city code enforcement manager.

"They'd never been out of the house. They weren't the least bit shy from humans, either," said exterminator Alan Doty. "They are used to eating out of a dish or bag."

Mrs. Parson, who had lived in the house for 40 years, was upset that the rats were dead, her house destroyed.

"They did not have to do it this way," said her daughter, Vivian Bryant. Complaints about the smell prompted police and city officials to inspect the house in late August. They said they found garbage piled high and rats everywhere. The women were ordered ou and moved to a motel.

Neighbor Linda Powell said she was "thrilled to see it (the house) go. That house was not fit for anybody to live in ever again. I feel sorry for the ladies who live there."

City officials said the women had asked for more time to clean up the house but did not take any action. Doherty said the city had to step in when the situation affected neighbors' health and safety.