Courtesy of John in Qatar - a little humour from the sub-continent
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SHORT SOLID SARDAR JOKES
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands "Rubi!"
"Woof!" ( its the barking sound )
"Press the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!"
"Woof!"
"Press the white button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!"
"Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
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Sardarji calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" " Just a sec," says the rep.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
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Two Sardarjis are in a railway station.
"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" asks the first.
" No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks the second Sardarji.
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AT INDO-PAK WAR
Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from the Pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn.Jasvinder Singh wearing a Maachardani! (mosquito net)
He Pulls out his A-k 47 rifle and fires like mad. The Pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Jasvinder Singh gets a medal. His freinds ask him" Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?"( dear why did you go to war wearing the Mosquito net?)
Jasvinder replies"Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi? ( Mosquito net is so thin & even mosquito's cannot get in, how do the big billets get in ?).
In the following war Jasvinder Singh retires and his son Pradeep Singh (NO ASSUMPTIONS PLEASE) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Pradeep Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the Pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot.
In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni aakall thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aaur tu, nunga chale gaya" ("dear friend your father went to war with the mosquito net on but you went with no dress at all")
Pradeep Singh replies "aare yaar main tho odomos laaga ke gaya tha"! ( dear friends I went out with ODOMOS( mosquito repellant cream) all on me"!)
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HEIGHT OF REVENGE
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.
Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not going for the blood shed still wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja (Goto sleep, O dear mosquito, goto sleep)".
After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
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DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus.Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.
After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh.
He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
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Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
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Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
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Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singh was singing a song. After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside down and started singing again.
Banta Singh : Santa Singh what is the matter with you? Why are you hanging upside down.
Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.
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Santa singh and Banta singh are employed in a computer hardware store as movers. One day both of them are asked to move some computers.
Santa Singh being energetic that day doesn't feel the computer to be heavy at all. At the same time he sees that Banta Singh is struggling very hard to lift his computer. At this Santa Singh says " What Banta, my comp has 500 MB HD and urs has just 250, even then u cannot lift it ???"
At this Banta Singh thinks for a while and replies "Thats right, but my HD is full and urs is empty"
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Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."
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Banta singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!"
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A Duck walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Barman says, "Hey, you're a duck"
"Nothing wrong with your eyesight," observes the duck.
"Yeah, but I mean - you can TALK" says the barman.
"Guess your ears are fine, too," answers the duck. "Now, can I have a beer please."
Barman serves the duck a pint and asks him what he's doing in the area.
"Oh," says the duck. "I work on the building site over there. We'll be here for a couple of weeks, and I'll be in each lunchtime for a pint. And each day the duck waddles over from his job at the building site and has his lunchtime lager.
Next week, the circus comes to town on its annual round. The Circus owner comes in for a pint, and the barman tells him about the talking duck.
"You should get it into your circus," he says. "Make a lot of bucks out of a talking duck. I'll speak to him about it."
Following day, the duck comes in at lunchtime.
Barman says: "You know, the circus is in town, and yesterday I was chatting to the owner. He's very interested in you."
"Really?" says the duck.
"Yeah. You could make a lot of money there. I can fix it up for you easily."
"Hang on," said the duck. "You did say a CIRCUS, didn't you?"
"That's right."
"That's one of those tent things, isn't it? With a big pole in the middle?"
"Yeah!"
"That's canvas, isn't it?" said the duck.
"Of course," replied the barman, "I can get you a job there starting tomorrow. The circus owner's dead keen."
The duck looked very puzzled.
"What the hell would he want with a plasterer?"
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Hey Martha
Thursday, October 02, 1997
The case of the missing panties
OXFORD, Mich. (AP) -- If she had any panties left, they would have been tied in a knot.
Each week, another pair of underwear would wind up gone. So her husband set up a video camera -- and, police say, caught a neighbor sneaking into the house and snatching another pair of bloomers.
Police said they found 105 pairs of panties and other ladies' undergarments at the home of Charles Frederick Dupon.
"This blows your mind," the woman said in The Oakland Press Wednesday. "Out of 100 pairs of women's underpants, 90 were mine. He's been doing this for 16 years."
Dupon, 52, is free on bail after being charged with home invasion. He could get up to 20 years in prison or a $5,000 fine if convicted.