Three boys are in the school yard bragging about how great their fathers are.

The first one says, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow and start to run. I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."

The second one says, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet."

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. Then he says, "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!"

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An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. He wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So, the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day. A few hours later, he came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "Those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about."

Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines. Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damm, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

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A priest went into a Washington, D.C. barbershop and got his hair cut. He then asked asked how much he owed the barber. "No charge, Father," the barber said. "I consider it a service to the Lord." when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest.

A few days later, a police officer came in. "How much do I owe you?" the cop asked after his haircut. "No charge, officer," the barber answered. "I consider it a service to my community." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer.

A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. "How much do I owe you?" he asked afterward. "No charge," the barber replied. "I consider it a service to my country." The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop.