Sally and Eric are in their hotel room on their wedding night, preparing to consummate their marriage. Sally says, "I have one thing to tell you before we get in bed. I've had sex with one other man before I met you."

Eric thinks a minute and says, "That's no big deal. Who was it?" Sally replies, "The famous golfer, Jack Nicklaus."

They jump into bed and have a good session. Afterwards, Eric gets out of bed and begins to put on his underwear. "What are you doing?" asks Sally. "I thought I'd get dressed and fix some coffee."

Sally says, "Jack wouldn't have done that." "No?" says Eric, "What would Jack have done?" "He'd have climbed back in bed with me and done it again." "All right!" says Eric, "Let's go."

They have another pretty good session, a little longer this time. Wearily, Eric gets to his feet and begins to put on his underwear. "What are you doing?" asks Sally. "I thought I'd dress and get some coffee."

Sally says, "Jack wouldn't have done that." "No?" says Eric, "What would Jack have done?" "He'd have climbed back in bed with me and done it again."

Eric climbs back into bed, and this time a virtual marathon takes place. Afterward, he slinks out of bed, braces himself against the bedpost, and tries to get a leg in his underwear. "What are you doing?" asks Sally.

"Going for a coffee."

Sally says, "Jack wouldn't have done that." "No?" says Eric, "What would Jack have done now?" "He'd have climbed back in bed with me and done it again."

Eric plods to the nightstand and picks up the phone.

"Who are you calling?" Sally asks.

"Jack Nicklaus. I want to find out what par is on this freaking hole!"

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Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat they are wandering around New York City seeing the sights. As lunch time approaches they decide they are hungry. They then come up to a street vendor selling hot dogs.

One says to the other in a shocked tone, "My God. Do they eat dogs in America?"

"I don't know!" says the other, equally appalled.

"Well," says the first, "we're going to be Americans, so we must do as they do."

They approach the vendor bravely. "Two hot dogs, please."

The vendor hands them their food in a pair of paper sacks. The two immigrants sit on a park bench to eat their lunch. One looks inside his sack, hesitates and turns to his partner and says, "Uh, which part of the dog did you get?"

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An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "white man sit on well."